liloldlady Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Unheard of! He had a birthday Sunday and I inboxed "Happy Birthday". He is notoriously quiet, distant, focused on his work, and we've been apart for a long time, so I don't expect responses from him. Then I had an emotional night Monday/Tues morning and rang him up at 2am. He did not answer, I did not leave a voicemail. Tuesday he inboxed back: "Thank you." (In response to birthday greet.) That simple gesture would have left me satisfied for a while (some would say he throws me crumbs, but he has his reasons for being the way he is). But Wednesday he wrote on my wall. He shared a link of his work. He's trying to get the word out, I know, but you have to understand that I've known him since 2011. He has NEVER written on my wall. He is EXTREMELY PRIVATE. Then he emailed me today (in response to something I emailed him)! Why? Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday? This is not just sympathy on his behalf. He's been very good about ignoring me before. I consulted the tarot, and I got the same card twice: hermit. Work: You are nearing the point where work success and recognition are well within your grasp. Do your best to be organized and productive. This will pay off for you in ways that aren't clear yet. Love: It's possible that a romance from your past will be re-kindled. Is that really what you want? It seems that romantic relationships are not currently a priority for you right now. The Hermit: Withdrawal from events and relationship to introspect and gather strength. Seeking the inner voice or calling upon vision from within. A need of understanding and advice, or a wise man who will offer knowing guidance. Personal experience and thoughtful temperance. Is it the birthday thing? Did I soften him up that way? My birthday came as we were trying to reconcile, or rather, as the reconciliation was...needing some life support, and he didn't acknowledge it. I didn't tell him that hurt me until 2 months later, to which he said: "Well did you call me and tell me it was your birthday?" This is BS because I know he keeps a very close eye on my Facebook, so I know he saw the hundreds of greetings I received. And most of the time, calling him does not result in a conversation. He's aloof, going through a lot, and very, VERY focused. We have a very surprisingly complicated history, considering how brief we were actually together, but there's some kind of bond, something that ...he says I always know how to draw him in. So maybe by my taking the high road and acknowledging his birthday, I softened him up a little? Maybe like the tarot said, he needs time to retreat, think, analyze, observe (he's got a strong tendency to do all those things). Complicated history, so I expect him to take little jabs at me until the healing is complete. I know one thing: I'm not expecting this to continue...but I hope it does! So what's come over him? Holiday sentimentality? ?????
freebird31 Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 If you two are broken up, dont talk to him, wish him happy birthday, greet him for any other holiday. You two arent together anymore. Go No contact. and live your life like hes not a part of it. If you want to heal and move on, thats what you will do. Other than that, the relationship will end up having a low chance of survivng either way. If ever there should be reconcilliation, it should be when both parties have been given immense amount of time apart. holiday greetings and thank yous are breadcrumbs. nothing more. Stop making it more than what it is. if someone wants to be with you, it will be loud and clear.
Author liloldlady Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 If you two are broken up, dont talk to him, wish him happy birthday, greet him for any other holiday. You two arent together anymore. Go No contact. and live your life like hes not a part of it. If you want to heal and move on, thats what you will do. Other than that, the relationship will end up having a low chance of survivng either way. Do elaborate on that last sentence. I have told myself to do what you describe in the first part of your paragraph, including not acknowledging him for his birthday, but 2am on his birthday rolls around and there I went. What is it with 2am and this guy????? He has said he has woken in the middle of the night and wanted to come see me (he lives over 2 hours away), but his actions do not reflect that, and he's got plenty of reasons to keep his distance (complicated ones). We went for a very long time without speaking (he refused), and when we finally did, he said there were many times he thought of calling me, but didn't. Actions speak more loudly than words. If ever there should be reconcilliation, it should be when both parties have been given immense amount of time apart. Well, this we have done. I have not laid eyes on him in a long time, and I presume he hasn't been watching me. holiday greetings and thank yous are breadcrumbs. nothing more. Stop making it more than what it is. Today I heard a song he wrote... I think it's new. It sounds a lot like us and our story... if someone wants to be with you, it will be loud and clear. Maybe one day he will. But I will want to make it official... Thanks for your feedback.
2fargone Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 You might want to focus a bit more on yourself instead of him. YOU threw the breadcrumb, YOU are trying to keep the 'bond' alive. YOU are the one making it complicated. Yet you make it all about him.
Author liloldlady Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 YOU threw the breadcrumb Good point. I do. I do poke the coals in the fire to keep them warm, but, so what? I love him.
Author liloldlady Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 OMG we're on a roll! 2 emails from him this morning (responses, of course; he's the "man" in the relationship {he's very traditional that way} but clearly I am taking the lead...sorta). In one email, he called me BABY. Woo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 days in a row. I am in my bliss, and my world feels like it is back in balance
headinthecloud Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I'm concerned that you're not emotionally stable. Why would you celebrate after some inocuous communications? Unless he's professing his undying love, you should not be in communication whatsoever. You should take time to work on your own emotional independence or you will repeat your pattern of behavior in the future. OMG we're on a roll! 2 emails from him this morning (responses, of course; he's the "man" in the relationship {he's very traditional that way} but clearly I am taking the lead...sorta). In one email, he called me BABY. Woo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 days in a row. I am in my bliss, and my world feels like it is back in balance
Author liloldlady Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 I'm concerned that you're not emotionally stable. Without him, I do feel very off balance. Andddd... If anyone wants to know and celebrate, we just spent 120 minutes and 31 seconds on the phone plus another 8 mins 42 seconds. That's my man and he KNOWS IT. Hubby. Unless he's professing his undying love, He reminded me he's not going anywhere, and he's true to his word. ♥ you should not be in communication whatsoever. Wrong. We have a lot to talk about.
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