lizbon13 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 So I am a 22 yr old female, pretty successful and ive been with my 30 yr old boyfriend for 5 years now we met when I was 17 he was 25.. I new I was in love when we met at the gym in college. Weve been through a lot together ive moved from Texas, after we had a trial seperation in 2009. We've lived together for going on 4 of those years with his 8 year old son who I adore and treat as if he was my own. My confusion is because he has made no moves to solidify our relationship, I tried to push him into buying a house together but he backed out, he hasnt proposed or even gotten me a promise ring like ive asked for the past 3 years. The cherry on top he forgot our anniversary and my birthday this year:( I feel like his passion for our love has fizzled out. I love him just like the day I met him.. he blames me and how we argue on not wanting to take our relationship further and says things like "when we can get along thats when ill consider proposing" but he doesnt give me a time frame for how long he thinks is a good amount of time. I think arguing is normal to an extent, and I let things go a lot easier than he is able to.. so little arguments can go on for days because he cant let things go. My question is I love this man but should I wait until he's ready to be my husband or give him an altimatum?
reddragon588 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Tell him this is what you want and if he can't make you happy by respecting your wishes, you're out. This is the type of thing that is entirely acceptable as a deal-breaker. 1
Am4Real Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 His "interest" level in you sounds extremely low whilst you make yours sound as intense as it ever was. This is a huge gap and a huge issue as you very carefully identified. You might argue a lot and over time that will certainly wear someone out and certainly diminish their interest level, but to lower it to what sounds like near zero, I suspect there is more to his perspective. Why not surprise him tonight. Come home with a bottle of wine or his favorite food, shut down all external interruptions, perhaps find a place for his child to be for the evening and instigate a heart-to-heart talk with him. Tell him what you feel, ask him how he feel's, tell him your short-term and long-term interests, hopefully he will tell you his. Keep in mind this conversation is unplanned so be patient with him if he is slow to open up. If he needs time to address your questions, give it to him, perhaps enjoy your wine or dinner and suggest you revisit the subject next week. Hug him and tell him, no pressures, you're just into him... If he still has an interest for you he will respond tonight or at your next planned conversation. If he shuts down, you HAVE YOUR answer and know what to do. Good luck. Keep us posted. 2
Author lizbon13 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 Thank you for the response! Im glad you can see that just completely shutting him out is not an option since we've been together for so long. I think this is a great idea and im going to try it after the holidays:)
Author lizbon13 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 Reddragon588 I agree! Thanks for your response.
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