lovebirds Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 (edited) I just feel a need to share my story and just writing things down might help to clear things up. I was together with M for a little over six years. There is a five year age difference. When we started our relationship I was 17 and he was 22 (each other's first). We lived together for most of our relationship but with other friends in the house. We had been living on our own for six months in the house he bought. He has been working for four years, I for 4 months. When we started our relationship back then, he wasn't sure if he was still in love of another girl, who was unaware of his interest. Eventually, he chose me and we were happy and very much in love. Some months ago he mentioned that he had feelings for the same girl. This girl is part of a group of friends who he sees mostly on intense outdoor holidays which he enjoyed tremendously. I was not angry at him because I know he did not choose those feelings and he did not do anything with them. It urged us to talk more and cmmunicate in a better way. M expressed some frustrations he had (me not taking up responsabilities for the house renovation, procrastination) and I admitted mistakes and tried to better them. I felt like things got better. M broke up three weeks ago because things didn't feel right to him anymore, he wasn't in love with me anymore. He also said the other girl made him think over things a lot, and that he needed someone more like her. e.g more independent, goal-oriented adventureous, stronger. In my eyes, he made some valid points, but I was already working on some of these things. Getting more stuff done in life, being more responsable, ... But all my arguments were wiped away by the fact that he does not feel it anymore and has to follow that feeling. I look back on 6 blissful years. I've always been a positive kind of person. He has gone from a positive kind of guy to a more negative person, not happy in general, except when he is with his friends. He has a fulltime job that is stressing him out and is renovating the house himself, which is a really heavy burden. He's a perfectionist. We broke up, I moved out. He called me a week later, telling me he had told the other girl that he had feelings for her. She was shocked, had not seen it coming and did not reciprocate the feelings. Why he decided to call me for comfort is beyond me. He thought I should know (which I kind of did. I had suggested during the relationship that something had to be done with his feelings for her because they seemed to keep coming back) and even said we were now 'in the same boat'. He apologized later, saying he had been selfish calling me. He said that it didn't feel like a declaration of love to him but that it was more about unburdening himself from something he had been carrying along for a long time. Some days later he said he thought that him being in love with her was more a reflection of him trying to hold on to the moments of true happiness he felt on those outdoor trips he took with her and other friends. I saw him today because I still needed to pick up some stuff at the house. We were friendly, but I broke down at home. How can he be so ****ing happy and content. He feels relieved and happy with his decision to have broken up, while I am still pining for him. **** this. I can't seem to let go of the hope I have and move on, although I am keeping it up quite well at work, I found a new place to live, ... but I still want him back. I don't even know what my question is. I want him back. I want to move on. I want to know how to cope. I want to know what others think. I still see him as the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I came upon this site because I was going to text him something angry but did not and started reading this forum instead. I have asked him for NC, but have had to break it for practical reasons. He wants to talk more when I am ready for it and wants to be friends. He does not want to lose me in that way. EDIT: Seems to fit some of the Grass is greener-syndrome characteristics Edited December 12, 2013 by lovebirds
Am4Real Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 "He apologized later, saying he had been selfish calling me." He should have added "stupid" to his self-assessment. He is young, he is changing, he is wandering... You're younger, yet to change, and wondering... Wandering + Wondering = Time for Change He might be relieved however you are young enough now to discover all the really good ones out there that you too will change and wonder no more!!!
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