iworthmore Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 in general, dumpee's should feel better as time passes after BU. but in my case it is different. i don't know if it happens with you guys but my situation is getting worse with time. every day is harder than the day before. its really weird for me. i am facing the very same emotions as day 1. missing her more and more and having break down moments once in a couple days. still wondering what she's doing and feel like to check her social media accounts. and part of me still want her back even i know i shouldn't. i know healing is a process that takes time and i shouldn't be passive, i must take care of my self and focus on me. it is very hard to hope for 2 lights at the end of the tunnel. the one that there you will be completely healed and the other one which you still want to get back together. have any of you faced the same experience?? getting worse with time in the first couple months?? is this normal?
Honeybun11 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Hey I know exactly how you feel, because I currently feel the same. I spend the whole day trying to make myself feel better and think positively so by the time I go to bed I feel a bit better, but then the moment I wake up the pain has returned and some days it feels so much worst than ever. From what I've read on here, people have said the best way to get over them is to give up hope that you're going to get back together, because as great as that would be just imagine what it would be like. Could you really trust that person again after all that hurt that they've caused you? It would be constantly at the back of your head that they caused you this pain. You might think you could start a fresh but I see it like a broken mirror, even though you can put it all back together you can still see the cracks. Just work on being by yourself for a while, and then one day you can start a fresh, with someone else who has never hurt you before or let you down, and all this will make sense because this lead you on the path to find that new and better person. I hate my life at the moment because I feel like I've let myself down by being so emotional and allowing myself to feel this hurt again. But when I was with him, I sometimes worried that I would hurt him because I loved him so much, so I keep thinking I'd rather it be me that hurts right now because I will get over it, and when I do I'll feel like such a better person. I will never have the guilt in me that I hurt them. 2
Author iworthmore Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 thank you honeybun for your answer. you'r right about letting go any hope but i wish i could just click a button and watch this happen. watching them moving on that quick makes it worse. she live's her life out there and enjoying every moment while i am forcing my life to "enjoy" in order to cope. were you the dumper or the dumpee?
polynomial Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 thank you honeybun for your answer. you'r right about letting go any hope but i wish i could just click a button and watch this happen. watching them moving on that quick makes it worse. she live's her life out there and enjoying every moment while i am forcing my life to "enjoy" in order to cope. were you the dumper or the dumpee? I suggest NOT to check up on her social media sites or anything. Do not follow what she's up to. It will only hurt you. That's what I did. I blocked my ex from fb and I do not allow myself to sniff out not even a hint of what he's up to. I do not wish to know, at least not for another 10 years, that's how it feels right now. That is the only way I feel that I can move on.
Author iworthmore Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 thank you. I don't have her as FB friend but i find myself checking it. you cannot block someone who's not on your FB friend's list. the only way is to deactivate you'r FB. or am i wrong?
polynomial Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 thank you. I don't have her as FB friend but i find myself checking it. you cannot block someone who's not on your FB friend's list. the only way is to deactivate you'r FB. or am i wrong? You can, go to Privacy Settings > Blocking (on the left side menu) and type in the name. Hope this works and good luck!
polynomial Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Of course you can always go and unblock them but i find.its easier to stayvaway from that blocking.page and to unblock them than it is to stay away from their facebook profile.page.
RDawg Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 iworthmore, sorry to hear you are still struggling. I am almost at the three month mark post BU and I know I still have some time ahead of me where I will hurt and obsess. Slowly I am feeling a shift in my thinking, I am starting to see the relationship and my ex more realistically: time allows logic to replace emotions. If you feel it's getting worse or that you are standing still, KEEP PUSHING! Challange yourself to be more masculine. Be a man in your thoughts and your actions. Exercise. Get dirty. Spend time with male friends. Google Fransisco Bujan 'Break ups for Men' & get his course if you can - It is simple but the message is spot on: You have to Get Your Power Back! Now stop looking at her FB page and start being super proactive in your recovery from this set back. Start with your attitude! salute.
Honeybun11 Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Read your username iworthmore - YES you are worth more!! No one deserves this pain, it's absolutely horrendous and can ruin your whole life! I had a break through today, I've made a thread on it! I feel so positive right now, because I am now thinking about all the bad things about my ex and how I am so thankful we're not together anymore because He is just not for me! I hit rock bottom this morning, and stupidly text him, or was it stupid? Because it allowed me to snap out of this heartbreak frenzy and made me realise I deserve more than this. I also went to pilates with my best friend and she reminded me of how fun and positive I am, which I have not been the last few weeks. I don't want to lose all my positive aspects just because ONE person doesn't want me! I really hope you feel better, and have your break through moment, it can happen at any time. Like I said I was rock bottom this morning, but now I feel so good because of my break through!
LadyM Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 (edited) I've had other break ups, but nothing like this one. I have never had such difficulty getting over a man and moving on. Like you, my pain also was not getting better, at least nothing to speak of, for a very, very long time. It got to the point that I resigned myself to understanding that I would have to live the rest of my life feeling the daily agony. That I was one of the unusual ones and the sadness and tears would cling to me forever. Desperately wanting him back, knowing I would take him back even though he was toxic for me. On the other hand, desperately wanting to heal myself from ever desiring that bad man again. But, finally, something clicked and the cloud lifted. That's why I'm writing to you. That if I can find relief, I have every confidence, that in time, you will, too. I know one day almost seems worse than the next right now, but I also know that one day soon, your cloud will lift. Some ex's pull at our heartstrings more than others so the pain is more intense and lasts way longer than it should. I never thought he'd leave my mind for more than a minute, but he has. And the thoughts have dulled. It is a miracle for me. I feel like I've been released from a self-made prison. I had given up hope for normal thoughts. That every thought in my mind is not of him has given me a new lease on life. So you need to know, that if my tortured mind could heal, I can promise you that yours will, too, and hopefully, faster than mine! My wish is for you to feel better very, very soon! Edited December 14, 2013 by LadyM 3
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