Challenge is attractive but taken to the extreme?

[adrian2012]

We have heard from some love doctors out there that women like men who are a challenge. That is a man who is busy and doesn't call everyday and doesn't come on too heavy with affection or feelings.

 

It seems that men who are too available and clingy will push women away. However if challenge is taken to the extreme where he does not make an effort to spend time with her then that will also push her away.

 

Being emotionally indifferent will push women away as much as being emotionally clingy. Although it takes longer for the indifference to turn her off than the clinginess because there is still that element of challenge that she finds attractive but it is a negative challenge.

 

Negative challenge is challenge that is not balanced with showing care and showing her that he is into her.

 

I used to be the clingy guy years ago but in the last year I have turned more into an emotionally indifferent jerk. I don't show any affection to a woman at all when I am dating her. I show up 1 hour late for dates. I have a bad habit of canceling dates the day before. I sometimes go 2 weeks without calling a woman.

[verhrzn]

I used to be the clingy guy years ago but in the last year I have turned more into an emotionally indifferent jerk. I don't show any affection to a woman at all when I am dating her. I show up 1 hour late for dates. I have a bad habit of canceling dates the day before. I sometimes go 2 weeks without calling a woman.

 

And you think this is actually going to be a successful route to dating? Talk about going to extremes.

 

It isn't about mind games, or being a "challenge." It's about having your own life, being busy sometimes, but also allowing room for someone else. It's a balance. Be neither needy nor distance. Both of them are founded in insecurity... the idea that you can somehow control someone else through outward programming. (If I do this, she'll do that.)

 

Women (and men, because this is not a gendered preference) don't love challenges or people who are hard to get. They like people who trust them enough to give them space, secure enough that they have their own lives that don't rotate around their partner, and independent enough that a relationship is happiness-icing on the life-cake.

[jphcbpa]

They like people who trust them enough to give them space, secure enough that they have their own lives that don't rotate around their partner, and independent enough that a relationship is happiness-icing on the life-cake.

 

very well said. I am going to save this and take it to heart. I have weeks in my R where I feel very needy and clingy. I do not tell her about it. I have a few close male friends that I confide in. My g/f is very independent and neediness is not going to be attractive to her. In the end, my bouts of neediness have nothing to do with her, but my perception.

[BlametheIrish]

OP, The women you'll attract with your bs approach are not the types most people would want in a healthy relationship.

 

Act like a flake and youll attract flakes, its as simple as that.

[MidwestUSA]

 

I used to be the clingy guy years ago but in the last year I have turned more into an emotionally indifferent jerk. I don't show any affection to a woman at all when I am dating her. I show up 1 hour late for dates. I have a bad habit of canceling dates the day before. I sometimes go 2 weeks without calling a woman.

 

Hey, it's you, fall of 2011 dude! Hope you're doing well; sorry we didn't work out.

[CrystalCastles]

Ugh what you posted, OP, really annoys me.

 

Women (and men) don't like mind games. It's not a challenge, it's annoying. I am not going to spend my energy on someone who likes to play push-pull. Every time that happens, I lose interest and move on. Giving your woman attention when appropriate isn't clingy. It's called maintaining a healthy relationship. Otherwise, mind games are just frustrating, like beating your head against a wall, and they get you nothing.