mestisa89 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 My bf and I rekindled our relationship a little over 5 months ago. It ended the first time b/c he wasn't over his ex and instead of being upfront about it, he did things behind my back. But I forgave him and we are together again. He is a really busy guy who works 5-6 days a week and long hours. At times I feel neglected because he chooses to work extra days just for the money (he doesn't really need it) so I feel like he prioritizes work above me. I am busy too, because I am a full time college student but I still go out of my way to make time and see him. Well last weekend I ended up going out with some mutual friends to a club. He doesn't mind that I go out without him because I let him do the same, and we trust each other. But I betrayed his trust. There is no sparkly or candy-coated way of saying this. I f***** up. One of his close friends who was extremely wasted came onto me, kissed me, even though I did try to stop him. It all happened really fast, he sort of just grabbed me and kissed me. And despite how drunk I was, I should have defended myself better. I didn't. On the way home he sat next to me, nearly passed out drunk and rested his head on my lap. Another friend with us was taking pictures of everyone throughout the night and got a snapshot of him resting his head on my lap. You can believe that this photo got to my bf after I had told him about the kiss. He flipped out. I spilled the truth- everything to him but he doesn't believe me. And his son of a b**** friend doesn't even have the balls to answer my bf's calls and be straight up about what happened. Instead he is hiding in his room b/c he is afraid of getting his ass kicked. He finally contacted my bf, told him he did no such thing and that I am full of sh**. My boyfriend feels betrayed by two people whom he loved and I don't know what to do. He already had trust issues from his ex who had SLEPT with another man behind his back. Aside from that kiss, I have never went behind his back about ANYTHING. Why would I? I know what it's like to be cheated on. So after giving him a few days to cool off, I went to his house to talk. Bad idea. He hadn't cooled off, was still pissed and went verbally abusive on me. He called me slu* and wh***, stupid b****, you name it. His friend would call while he was yelling at me and he'd answer saying "I'm looking at a sl** right now". He said he wanted nothing to do with me and while I am sobbing uncontrollably and shaking in front of him, he says I messed everything up. It was 100% my fault. When I would defend myself he would accuse me of lying and sleeping with his friend. I am pretty sure he had been drinking earlier, perhaps to help him cope with the pain. But his words crushed me that night and I drove off 30 min away back home, shaking and sobbing. I'm surprised I made it back safe because my head was spinning and I felt like vomiting. I expected him to contact me the day after to return my belongings at his house but he hasn't which makes me think that he only said those things to me out of drunkeness and anger. Regardless, I felt like I became the victim. Now you may sit there and think there's no way our relationship could be saved. But you have to understand, before all of this happened, we were doing fine. Yes he was busy but I was still happy and I loved him. I wanted a future with him and still do. Where do I go from here? Do I move on? Do I give him time to think? Do I reach out or wait for him to do it?
Peanut9330 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I would move on but just because of the way he treated and spoke to you regardless if he was drunk or not. I understand that he was upset about the situation but he stepped way out of line. There are different ways to handle this wihout the verbal abuse. If you ever make a mistake any kind of mistake what guarantee do you have that he won't lash out on you like this again? Especially with a statement like "I’m looking at a slut right now" that right there would have been enough for me to leave and never come back.
Am4Real Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 That verbal abuse sounds heightened. Yes, out of line, however he is likely in his early 20’s based on your age and overall immature – he responded in a completely immature fashion. His friend is exasperating the situation even further and I would start by calling his friend and letting him know exactly of his behavior, his lies and what you think of him – be sure to let him know an (unnamed person) witnessed his actions as well. Second, give your BF space…lots and lots of space. Avoid him at all costs for as long as it takes for him to cool down, check the facts, feel stupid and perhaps reach out to you. Remember he is immature for the most part based on his initial reaction and he may come to realize what an “idiot” he looks like. However, if you pester him he is likely to dig his heels in and focus more anger outward without checking the facts. Waiting it out for him can be two day or two week process and if he doesn’t check his facts, consider him to immature to handle a serious challenge and move on. If he does come around, he better have one hell of good apology lined up and presuming he does, the two of you should march right over to this supposed friend’s house and confront the son-of-a-bi%ch.
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