I like this feeling......

[jsd123]

Im going to try to make this post as simple and quick as possible...

 

I am a 37 year old MW..I have been with my H for 22 years and M for 13 years. We have 3 kids all of which are older (21,17,13). I got pregnant with my first when I was 15 and have never looked back. Throughout the years my life has been consistent and stable but all due to my efforts. I have always been the bread winner (pushed myself up the corp. line), I insisted on stability, have been the best mom that I could possibly be, always home with the kids when I'm not at work, I cook, clean, take the kids to and from their events, pay all the bills..you name it, I do it. My husband has always been the "fun" dad, he has a job that he loves (he is not worried about wanting more, even if he doesn't ever get raises) He is an excellent dad and gets to hang and have fun with the kids because I do everything for the family, he has no worries other then getting up being a dad and going to work.

 

I have accepted this as I have been part of the reason that this monster has been created. Like I mentioned before I was very young when we met, he was the boy all the girls wanted in school, he was popular and handsome..everything I was not. I personally vowed that I would do anything to keep him around, everything to show him that he had made a wise choice in being with me. Gradually, I became who and what I am today..Now that the kids are bigger and do not need me as much things around the house with them have slowed down..With that I have noticed my husband over the last 4 years becoming very needy...At the same time I have also noticed that he has been physically been pulling away sexually from me. He seems to take care of his needs and could care less about mine, he says he doesnt really "have time" to have alone time and finds excuses to be busy in the garage . I have made a conscious effort for many years with him to try to fix this, but have not had any luck. I have talked, argued, pleaded with him. Attempted to spice things up by sending naughty pics and suggesting new things to try, bought toys (then was told by him that I have issues) asked him to go to counseling with me....nothing....same husband....

 

The last year has been emotionally draining, I feel used and abused by him. I decided that I couldn't and wouldn't ask for a divorce because of my children. I grew up with two separated un loving parents and will not do that to them ever. I made a promise to myself that life is short and instead of being selfless, I will start to try to be a bit selfish...I set up an account on a famous dating site and started chatting with other men in my situation. I have met one and have had sex with him, we plan to see each other more. I do not feel guilty, I feel liberated, wanted and alive again. I have also been talking to two other men ( a total of 3) with whom I have a physical and emotional connection with. I plan to meet each of them but I do not know whether I will entertain them all or just one..for a longterm affair.

 

During all of this, I just cant help but think..how did I get here, why am I here, but I am having so much fun and feel like a person finally that I will not look back..I just hope that someone else is out there that might have been in this type of situation or can relate and let me know your thoughts...I have no one to talk to obviously so venting here on this site is kind of nice..

[Minnie09]

Are you on AM? I'd be terrified of getting caught if I were married.

I mean you have pictures on there and stuff.

I don't know anybody who's tried it before, so I'm curious..... Are there any single guys / ladies on there?

[Fluttershy]

Im going to try to make this post as simple and quick as possible...

 

I am a 37 year old MW..I have been with my H for 22 years and M for 13 years. We have 3 kids all of which are older (21,17,13). I got pregnant with my first when I was 15 and have never looked back. Throughout the years my life has been consistent and stable but all due to my efforts. I have always been the bread winner (pushed myself up the corp. line), I insisted on stability, have been the best mom that I could possibly be, always home with the kids when I'm not at work, I cook, clean, take the kids to and from their events, pay all the bills..you name it, I do it. My husband has always been the "fun" dad, he has a job that he loves (he is not worried about wanting more, even if he doesn't ever get raises) He is an excellent dad and gets to hang and have fun with the kids because I do everything for the family, he has no worries other then getting up being a dad and going to work.

 

I have accepted this as I have been part of the reason that this monster has been created. Like I mentioned before I was very young when we met, he was the boy all the girls wanted in school, he was popular and handsome..everything I was not. I personally vowed that I would do anything to keep him around, everything to show him that he had made a wise choice in being with me. Gradually, I became who and what I am today..Now that the kids are bigger and do not need me as much things around the house with them have slowed down..With that I have noticed my husband over the last 4 years becoming very needy...At the same time I have also noticed that he has been physically been pulling away sexually from me. He seems to take care of his needs and could care less about mine, he says he doesnt really "have time" to have alone time and finds excuses to be busy in the garage . I have made a conscious effort for many years with him to try to fix this, but have not had any luck. I have talked, argued, pleaded with him. Attempted to spice things up by sending naughty pics and suggesting new things to try, bought toys (then was told by him that I have issues) asked him to go to counseling with me....nothing....same husband....

 

The last year has been emotionally draining, I feel used and abused by him. I decided that I couldn't and wouldn't ask for a divorce because of my children. I grew up with two separated un loving parents and will not do that to them ever. I made a promise to myself that life is short and instead of being selfless, I will start to try to be a bit selfish...I set up an account on a famous dating site and started chatting with other men in my situation. I have met one and have had sex with him, we plan to see each other more. I do not feel guilty, I feel liberated, wanted and alive again. I have also been talking to two other men ( a total of 3) with whom I have a physical and emotional connection with. I plan to meet each of them but I do not know whether I will entertain them all or just one..for a longterm affair.

 

During all of this, I just cant help but think..how did I get here, why am I here, but I am having so much fun and feel like a person finally that I will not look back..I just hope that someone else is out there that might have been in this type of situation or can relate and let me know your thoughts...I have no one to talk to obviously so venting here on this site is kind of nice..

 

You probably should have posted this in the OW/OM section. Most of us here have been hurt very badly by infidelity. Very few will support or offer you advice on how to remain cake eating.

[underwater2010]

I too took on the role of "responsible party" in the marriage. I own that.

 

 

Him taking care of his own needs is because he had to in the past....you were wrapped up in the kids and success.

 

 

Now you can either take this time to bond again with your husband. Showing him that he is the #1 in your life....or take the path you are currently walking. Which will blow up in your face eventually.

 

 

In other words....an affair is not the answer. Outside validation is not the answer. You either respect yourself and want your marriage to work....or you leave it. You don't screw around with other people because you have unresolved issues in your marriage.

[jsd123]

I am. I do not have any pics posted and I was very cautious when posting. Do not know if there are singles, didn't want to befriend someone that didn't have as much to lose as I do.

[jsd123]

I too took on the role of "responsible party" in the marriage. I own that.

 

 

Him taking care of his own needs is because he had to in the past....you were wrapped up in the kids and success.

 

 

Now you can either take this time to bond again with your husband. Showing him that he is the #1 in your life....or take the path you are currently walking. Which will blow up in your face eventually.

 

 

In other words....an affair is not the answer. Outside validation is not the answer. You either respect yourself and want your marriage to work....or you leave it. You don't screw around with other people because you have unresolved issues in your marriage.

 

Not sure what else to do as far as that goes.. I have spent all my efforts trying to rekindle the passion and he is pulling and running away. He does not believe in counseling and says there is not an issue. Its been four years since I have noticed and tried to understand this situation. Other then the sex and intimacy, life is the same for us. Kids are good, home and finances are fine, I feel like other then the reasoning of the kids, I couldn't divorce solely based on no romance...

[underwater2010]

I am. I do not have any pics posted and I was very cautious when posting. Do not know if there are singles, didn't want to befriend someone that didn't have as much to lose as I do.

That's what the MOW in our situation thought too.

 

 

Guess what...when I found out, I blew her world up too.

[underwater2010]

Not sure what else to do as far as that goes.. I have spent all my efforts trying to rekindle the passion and he is pulling and running away. He does not believe in counseling and says there is not an issue. Its been four years since I have noticed and tried to understand this situation. Other then the sex and intimacy, life is the same for us. Kids are good, home and finances are fine, I feel like other then the reasoning of the kids, I couldn't divorce solely based on no romance...

But you can cheat and make plans to screw around? Please tell me were that make sense in the real world?

[underwater2010]

Not sure what else to do as far as that goes.. I have spent all my efforts trying to rekindle the passion and he is pulling and running away. He does not believe in counseling and says there is not an issue. Its been four years since I have noticed and tried to understand this situation. Other then the sex and intimacy, life is the same for us. Kids are good, home and finances are fine, I feel like other then the reasoning of the kids, I couldn't divorce solely based on no romance...

You gave him freedom to set up his own routine....it takes time to break that. What have you done on a consistent basis to show him that he is a priority in your life?

[Ap22]

Stop. Forget your husband for a moment. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!

 

I told my wife one day our daughter will find out that her mother decided to be a whore and have sex with another man. She will find out that her mother betrayed all of us and didnt give a damn about any of us all because she was selfish.

 

If you can live with that, you go right ahead with what you're doing.

 

 

If you are unhappy, be a damn adult and talk to your husband. If that doesnt help, divorce him and walk away without shame.

[jsd123]

You gave him freedom to set up his own routine....it takes time to break that. What have you done on a consistent basis to show him that he is a priority in your life?

 

I have done everything that I know to do..I love him, make time for him,set up dates for just him and I, meet him for lunch if the opportunity arises, Im there..like I said before, its him pulling away not me..Its been 4 years of the same thing, arguing behind closed doors going in circles about it. To this day, I still make attempts on a daily basis but nothing is given back...He shuts down during convos about it..?..

[underwater2010]

And how many years were spent with you worrying about your career, bills and the kids and him being on the back burner?

[ChooseTruth]

Did you tell your husband that you were going to do this? If not you really didn't give him a chance to face how serious this is. You basically already divorced him by sabotaging your marriage/family and creating a much larger rift. Your problems just got worse by 10x, not just with your husband but likely with your children as well. You should talk to him about this and deal with the fallout, or just divorce. It's where you are headed anyway if you don't get some remorse for lying (if you didn't tell him). Lies are the worst part of it all because people can't believe anything you say after that.

[jsd123]

And how many years were spent with you worrying about your career, bills and the kids and him being on the back burner?

 

He has never been on the backburner..ever. If I didnt step up to make a career happen, we would be trying to make ends meet with two low wage jobs. If anything, I would have to say I have always been on the backburner...

[Spark1111]

well before you sleep with your married stranger again.....it's time foe THE TALK, as in unless I feel a passionate, loving connection with you, we will have to separate and most likely divorce.

 

I would like you to join me at MC next Tuesday at blank time.

 

Are you sure he isn't having fun on the side? Four years IS a long time to feel neglected and ignored.

[Ap22]

What the hell are you hoping to accomplish with an affair?

 

There is no possible way to win the game you are wanting to play. Trust me, you will turn out the loser...there is no other outcome.

 

Your husband will either divorce you or you will go through hell if you two reconcile. You will lose all his trust and things will never be the same. Your children will one day know what you did.

 

So I ask again, what in the hell do you hope to accomplish with an affair? No matter the outcome, you lose...you will be the bad guy.

[Fluttershy]

You should have told him:

"if you don't step up to the plate to fix this problem, I will be divorcing you. I cannot live in this marriage as is" and then told him he had to immediently shown signs of working on the issue.

Even if you had told him you would be opening the marrige up it would have been a whole different story.

[jsd123]

well before you sleep with your married stranger again.....it's time foe THE TALK, as in unless I feel a passionate, loving connection with you, we will have to separate and most likely divorce.

 

I would like you to join me at MC next Tuesday at blank time.

 

Are you sure he isn't having fun on the side? Four years IS a long time to feel neglected and ignored.

 

TY...thought of that, but not sure..Do not know if he is faithful, at this point in our lives, I just do not know...

[harrybrown]

Do you use protection every time? There is a new powerful HIV that was discovered by some reseachers. It develops into AIDS and kills in half the time of the old AIDS.

 

When you get stds and give them to your husband, you don't think he will figure out what you have been doing?

 

Why do you not just stab in the back over and over and over again so he dies faster and the intense pain of your affair will hurt him for less time than when he finds out.

 

How would you feel if he had an affair? Stop all the affairs. Tell him. Then divorce him and let him find someone else that actually cares about him.

[underwater2010]

To clarify...what do you consider the back burner? I consider it emotional and being put as the first priority.

[Confused48]

Have you thought at all about the other lives you are destroying? The now three other women who's husbands you are messing with? How do you think they will feel when they find out? Some probably have children too. The devastation that you have already set in motion is tremendous.

 

Yet you say you like how you feel now. Oh, boy, karma,,, come on, help this woman see what she is doing. Stop before it gets even worse.

 

I don't think you will though. You sound so selfish. I mean seriously, you do this to make yourself feel good? Cherish this memory b/c soon you will be in agony as will the others who are mixed up with you and your need to feel good for a moment.

[Ap22]

Have you thought at all about the other lives you are destroying?

 

Cheaters dont think about anyone other than themselves. They couldnt care less about their own family, why would they think twice about someone else they dont know?

[underwater2010]

Cheaters dont think about anyone other than themselves. They couldnt care less about their own family, why would they think twice about someone else they dont know?

Let me clarify that...not being put on the back burner is knowing that your a emotionally and physically being put first.

 

 

I think I messed that up....sorry.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I am. I do not have any pics posted and I was very cautious when posting. Do not know if there are singles, didn't want to befriend someone that didn't have as much to lose as I do.

 

By choosing another married person, you have doubled the fallout. You have increased the likelihood of being found out.

 

You are correct that it is not healthy for children to grow up in a home with distant parents as role models. Because exactly what you have chosen is what happens. Then your children are exposed to cheating as a viable option whenever one is unhappy.

 

I understand that many spouses do not hear words. They usually hear actions. And you starting separation proceedings would have been something that he would not have been able to ignore. Either, he would have decided to work on the relationship or been okay with the divorce. You would have had a clear answer either way. Some marriages just aren't meant to last.

 

 

Life ain't easy. What worked for a while in a relationship doesn't work forever. It seems that as long as the children were young, you could focus on them and not address the marriage difficulties as you should have (ie:divorce)

 

For someone who has lived their life with integrity, always giving the best you have to offer..how do you reconcile that you walked away from your marriage in such a deceitful way?

 

How do you justify intruding into someone else's marriage. What about those other women...their children? It does't matter what those MOM might say...bottom line..you know they are married...that their wives would be hurt and you simply didn't care. That is how you will enter their lives once they find out. You are guaranteed that they will hate you. There is a great chance they will confront you. There is a good chance they will out you in front of your kids (being called all the names that a woman gets called who sleeps with other womens husbands). How do you think your children will view you? They are all old enough to know what all those names mean..and why the other women would say them..heck...chances are they will agree. Do not minimize the damage that will be done to your own children...at your hands.

 

Here's the thing about affairs...its all rainbows and purple unicorns...until one of the spouses find out. Then the seediness of it all comes out..once the light (truth) shines on it. You were trolling on websites to hook up for sex. That is what you did, that is what it is. What type of woman trolls websites to hook up with married men for sex? How would you feel if your daughter was meeting men from the internet to hook up for sex? What would you say to her?

 

FYI, the men you will meet on those sites do not discriminate on who they will hook up with. Condoms only offer so much protection. I hope you are not having sex with your husband at this time...most would view it as almost criminal to expose him without his consent. If you want to play russian roulette with your own health, you are free to do so. However...you do not have the right to decide that for him.

[BetrayedH]

So, having affairs feels good. I'm curious though, if you enjoy playing single while you're married, why does your husband not have the same opportunity? Why not sign him up for Ashley Madison as well and come to some agreement over shared finances for hotels and such? Why keep him in the dark, watching your kids while you're out having fun? You said you take equal responsibility for creating this monster so why expect him to remain faithful to his vows while you are breaking yours?