ClarkeKent Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I am new to this website and I have read many of the posts on here and I have decided to write my own. Maybe for comfort I am not sure. Eighteen months ago my girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me. It was in shock to say the least. I recognised that there had been some changes but she never discussed with me that there were problems. She told me that she did not feel the say way about me anymore. I was heartbroken. We were engaged, she was my best friend and soul mate. My whole future was mapped out and in that instant it was taken away. I am not sure I consciously thought my life would get more complicated from that point but it did. Enter the word rebound. After one week of trying to understand what we could do (all being instigated by me) I went out with a friend who innocently introduced me to another woman. This woman was single and amazing. I was instantly attracted and feelings were mutual. Against all the screaming in my head and my inner voice I started a new relationship with this person. If you re-read the second paragraph I am not sure how I did this but I did. At first it was amazing. I did not feel all the low feelings. I was on a high. We had our ups and downs but all was good……until after about three months when I started to miss my ex-girlfriend. It sometimes would hit me like a wave. I would also start to think that I wanted her back and the feelings were so confusing. My ex and I had limited contact and about twelve months ago she asked if we could get back together or certainly try. I was still with my new girlfriend. This whole situation was so confusing. In December of last year I decided to leave my new girlfriend because I could no deal with these feelings. After lots of talking I did get back together with the new girlfriend, and I decided and believed I did not need my ex anymore especially if they could just give up like they did and I confessed to my new girlfriend what I was feeling. We did try to work it through and spent many months of this year on a literal rollercoaster but my head could never sort itself out. I just could not move on from ex. I could not offer my new girlfriend the commitment she wanted. In November of this year we ended for the last time. After we ended I spoke to my ex and laid myself bare on how I was feeling. She told me that she had not closed the door (very helpful not) and would not discount anything but could not make any commitments. She is also seeing someone else. I decided that I need to try and move on from the mess I had created and have decided to have NC with both of them until I am in a different place. I am not writing this for sympathy and I have made mistakes along the way. My original ex I place on such a pedestal and wish things could be different but it’s always me that seems to be able to reach out. I just need to move on. I guess deep down I thought this was a phase for both of us and we would have the fairytale ending.
RDawg Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Hi Clarke For a moment there I thought we were going to hear the tale of a succesful rebound. You know that saying 'a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush' ? I think I would have stuck with the rebound.
Author ClarkeKent Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 RDawg, In some ways I wish I could but I think I need to be on my own - I saw no other way out.......I feel I was handling the full baggage quota for Heathrow!
RDawg Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 hahaha yeah I can imagine. Well utmost respect to you for stepping away at this stage.
strive Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I think you did the right thing CK, especially for the rebound. It wouldn't have been fair for her otherwise. Kudos to you for making the decision to work on yourself first. Stay strong with the NC, and the answers will eventually come to you.
Author ClarkeKent Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 Hi Strive, I have read alot of posts on this forum and I have found many to be so helpful. I am still at a stage where making this decision is not easy but it was the only one in the end. I should have grieved for the first relationship before believing I could move on. I need to move on from my first ex too. Its amazing how we cling to hope. Thank you for your kind words.
Never Again Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I think you did the right thing CK, especially for the rebound. It wouldn't have been fair for her otherwise. Kudos to you for making the decision to work on yourself first. Stay strong with the NC, and the answers will eventually come to you. Agreed. OP, you did something your ex never bothered to do - you were open and honest with your new girlfriend and you TRIED. It didn't work, but you communicated and you put in your best effort, but it just wasn't working. I have so much more respect for that, and for you for doing that, than simply quietly detaching and allowing yourself to "fall out of love" with no indication. You opened up about your problems and gave it your best. I'm sure it hurt her, but at least she knows where you're coming from and knows you wanted to try. That's so much more than most get. Once you realized you weren't in the right-headspace for it, you decided to leave her and needed time to yourself, and I cannot fault you for that either. You did what was right for yourself, and in doing so, you did what was right for the new girl too. You'll figure it out, but it'll take time. Good luck. 1
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