nomadic_butterfly Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 YES i want to know if he is boning other chicks. i guess my intuition told me he isn't to be honest, we are both in finals stress, and he is always at the library and when not, he is with me, so i doubt he will be boning anyone else... i think i'd know, somehow. but yeah, if he, somehow, was boning other chicks, i'd be pissed. and i haven't thought about it, to be honest, but now it comes to mind that i should perhaps ask him this, especially before we even have the 'unprotected sex' talk, which will be painful, i guess (ask him to get tested and, of course, i need to start taking some contraception thingy)... uhrg... i doubt we are FWB, by the way, he seems way too attached for that. This is a smart game plan.
carhill Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Since he's mentioned unprotected sex, I presume he's shared his STD results with you? Since he says he's not with anyone else, I'm sure the lab reports will be sterling. In any event, they always make for good reading whilst discussing birth control and STD prevention. Words and actions matching up. Good luck.
regine_phalange Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Since he's mentioned unprotected sex, I presume he's shared his STD results with you? Since he says he's not with anyone else, I'm sure the lab reports will be sterling. In any event, they always make for good reading whilst discussing birth control and STD prevention. Words and actions matching up. Good luck. I second that. Also HPV cannot be traced through blood tests! Proceed with caution.
soccerrprp Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Since he's mentioned unprotected sex, I presume he's shared his STD results with you? Since he says he's not with anyone else, I'm sure the lab reports will be sterling. In any event, they always make for good reading whilst discussing birth control and STD prevention. Words and actions matching up. Good luck. I third this! Want unprotected sex, you on birth control, then it's time for the recent FULL STD results with doctor's address, stamp, date, etc. No exception. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 If it were me, I wouldn't have sex with him until I knew we were exclusive, I'd seen his STD test results, and I felt secure in his feelings because he communicated them clearly through words and actions. Having sex with him is essentially telling him you're fine with things the way they are, and he doesn't need to step it up in any way. You're giving him everything, even though you feel he's lacking in what he's giving. My last boyfriend wasn't big on the verbal expressions, and he said it was just his personality. Well, I was never happy with the minimal expressions of feelings. Now I know that doesn't work for me. He would say things like what people are saying here: "Would you rather have a guy who talks sweet but isn't reliable?" No, I'd rather have a guy who communicates that he cares with words and actions - the whole enchilada. Personally, I won't settle for less again. 1
regine_phalange Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Actions speak louder than words, but actions are not sufficient on their own.
Author lamaga Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 If it were me, I wouldn't have sex with him until I knew we were exclusive, I'd seen his STD test results, and I felt secure in his feelings because he communicated them clearly through words and actions. Having sex with him is essentially telling him you're fine with things the way they are, and he doesn't need to step it up in any way. You're giving him everything, even though you feel he's lacking in what he's giving. My last boyfriend wasn't big on the verbal expressions, and he said it was just his personality. Well, I was never happy with the minimal expressions of feelings. Now I know that doesn't work for me. He would say things like what people are saying here: "Would you rather have a guy who talks sweet but isn't reliable?" No, I'd rather have a guy who communicates that he cares with words and actions - the whole enchilada. Personally, I won't settle for less again. Well I guess I just did it all wrong in the beginning and there is no turning back. Maybe next time I will do it right.
soccerrprp Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Well I guess I just did it all wrong in the beginning and there is no turning back. Maybe next time I will do it right. Next time? You are in a relationship with this guy now, so you are going to ask him for STD results before you have any more sex, right? There's no turning back, but there is putting things on pause for now until you talk about the unprotected sex, et al. Right?
Ruby Slippers Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Well I guess I just did it all wrong in the beginning and there is no turning back. Maybe next time I will do it right. I don't think that's true. Believe me, I've made dozens of mistakes in every relationship I've been in. It's easy to give advice about how to handle issues in a relationship after you've already gone through them. You don't have to keep having sex just because you've started. You can put that on pause until you make sure this is a good match and you feel secure and happy.
Author lamaga Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Next time? You are in a relationship with this guy now, so you are going to ask him for STD results before you have any more sex, right? There's no turning back, but there is putting things on pause for now until you talk about the unprotected sex, et al. Right? Well, I am not sure if this is a relationship. We have established exclusivity and we are moving into a direction where we get closer emotionally and showing the other person that we are serious about it, but I wouldn't say we are boyfriend and girlfriend yet, even though everybody I ask tells me that it's obvious he wants me to be his girlfriend. Until he asks, I am not. And yes, I will put things on pause for now. We are going to a party tonight together but I won't go home with him afterwards, that's for sure. I don't think that's true. Believe me, I've made dozens of mistakes in every relationship I've been in. It's easy to give advice about how to handle issues in a relationship after you've already gone through them. You don't have to keep having sex just because you've started. You can put that on pause until you make sure this is a good match and you feel secure and happy. Yes. Agreed. Thanks.
FrankieFrank Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Yes, actions speak louder. If a girl says she likes me, yet never makes time for me, but does happen to make time for some other guy, am I really supposed to believe what she says?
salparadise Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 We haven't had unprotected sex but he told me that he'd like to. In hindsight, I should have asked right away Well, I am not sure if this is a relationship. We have established exclusivity and we are moving into a direction where we get closer emotionally and showing the other person that we are serious about it, but I wouldn't say we are boyfriend and girlfriend yet, even though everybody I ask tells me that it's obvious he wants me to be his girlfriend. Until he asks, I am not. Iamaga, I don't think you've done anything wrong. It's been 6 dates and that's a little soon for a guy to start waxing poetic and all. He's done a good job too... holding your interest while keeping it real and showing his enthusiasm. You're a bit off balance and want to know where things are going, and that's good because it's part of keeping interest high. So I disagree with the females that are telling you bust the guy's balls and make him go to his knees before you give him any more pussy. But you can use his request to quit using condoms to achieve some of the things you want. I'll bet he thinks of you as exclusive already, and that means boyfriend/girlfriend. When you're dealing with a person of integrity, things that are simply understood are not in question. So I do not think that you should consider anything to be out of whack, you just want to take advantage of the timing and his stated willingness to a) lock down exclusivity, and b) get tested-both of you. At that point of course you're bg/gf. I have a relatively new relationship, pretty much at the same state as yours, and I'd feel silly asking her if she'll be my girlfriend when it's already understood. Of course we're older, but we let things be known all the time without official declarations. Chill! 1
soccerrprp Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Iamaga, I don't think you've done anything wrong. It's been 6 dates and that's a little soon for a guy to start waxing poetic and all. He's done a good job too... holding your interest while keeping it real and showing his enthusiasm. You're a bit off balance and want to know where things are going, and that's good because it's part of keeping interest high. So I disagree with the females that are telling you bust the guy's balls and make him go to his knees before you give him any more pussy. But you can use his request to quit using condoms to achieve some of the things you want. I'll bet he thinks of you as exclusive already, and that means boyfriend/girlfriend. When you're dealing with a person of integrity, things that are simply understood are not in question. So I do not think that you should consider anything to be out of whack, you just want to take advantage of the timing and his stated willingness to a) lock down exclusivity, and b) get tested-both of you. At that point of course you're bg/gf. I have a relatively new relationship, pretty much at the same state as yours, and I'd feel silly asking her if she'll be my girlfriend when it's already understood. Of course we're older, but we let things be known all the time without official declarations. Chill! Ideally, I would agree with much of this, but things are not ideal and not everyone, cannot even confidently say, most, think this way. Men (and women) who do not verbally seal the deal, finalize the contract, are known to later make the claim that exclusivity had never been agreed upon. As a guy, for me, a verbal confirmation is a MUST. Like others have said, actions are more important, but not enough for me in the end w/o some verbal affirmation. 2
Author lamaga Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Iamaga, I don't think you've done anything wrong. It's been 6 dates and that's a little soon for a guy to start waxing poetic and all. He's done a good job too... holding your interest while keeping it real and showing his enthusiasm. You're a bit off balance and want to know where things are going, and that's good because it's part of keeping interest high. So I disagree with the females that are telling you bust the guy's balls and make him go to his knees before you give him any more pussy. But you can use his request to quit using condoms to achieve some of the things you want. I'll bet he thinks of you as exclusive already, and that means boyfriend/girlfriend. When you're dealing with a person of integrity, things that are simply understood are not in question. So I do not think that you should consider anything to be out of whack, you just want to take advantage of the timing and his stated willingness to a) lock down exclusivity, and b) get tested-both of you. At that point of course you're bg/gf. I have a relatively new relationship, pretty much at the same state as yours, and I'd feel silly asking her if she'll be my girlfriend when it's already understood. Of course we're older, but we let things be known all the time without official declarations. Chill! Thanks for this. I don't see myself as his girlfriend yet. There still needs to be this.. final step. Not sure what it is, but I think I won't find out for another week. We are both having finals right now, and stressing over it, studying most of the time. The fact that I know he is only one street away, sitting in his room reading about Politics while I am over here in my bed reading about History... When we could cozy up together... you know, the things boyfriend and girlfriend would do. But we are not there yet. There is still... a little gap between us that needs to be sealed... and I think he is the kind of guy who wants to also give me his full attention. Today we were gonna go to this party, but he canceled on me and I feel awful. He said he is also unhappy about it, he really wanted to take me there, but he needs to study. I asked if there is anything I could do, and he said, I already make EVERYTHING a little bit better. That made me smile... WE talked on the phone for a bit and he said maybe I can come over later on after we finish studying, but I am unsure if that's gonna happen. All in all, we both have 4 exams next week and I think after those are over and Christmas will come around we will be able to spend more time together (before and after Christmas, we are both going home for the holidays)... I think this will become more wonderful soon. I just need to be patient. And I need to CHILL, i know... Thanks for listening... 1
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