maximum1948 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Let me start out by saying that I am not a virgin and I have been with my current girlfriend for about 3 months now, she is my first girlfriend, and im her first serious boyfriend the most she has ever done with any other boy is kiss them. I am senior in high school, she's a junior, she is a great girl! cute, smart, never talks to other guys, would do anything for me, and just a very good person in general. Any guy would be die for her! Now the fun part, when we first started talking I knew how into me she was so there was no challenge and we started dating within the month. I know this sounds shallow and granted it is, but I was never really that into her, the whole reason that I started dating was because I enjoyed the attention and wanted to feal what it was like to have a girlfriend, and I knew I could get her to put out within 2 months. So like I said we have been together 3 months now about a month and a half ago she let me finger her for the first time and she got really upset because she viewd and probably to an extent still views sex and sexual acts as dirty and wrong, and ended up crying herself to sleep that night. That kinda woke me up to the fact that I shouldn't take advantage of her, and I was going to breakup with her. Then she told me she loved me and I told her I loved her back, and I do love her, but not on a romantic level if that makes scene. So we continued dating and have done every thing there is to do sexually, but have actual sex. Now the dilemma. She is my best friend and treats me so good, and I am the same to her, she says I treat her better that anyone else, and I do treat her good, and care about her! I love having someone who genuinely cares for and loves me in my life, and we get along great except for when I don't recipricate the love she shows me. I love her but I guess im just not "in love" with her, I wish I was, infact it breaks my heart that Im not and I have cried for the past 3 nights beacouse I feal so bad about it. Now She wants to have sex, but im not sure if i should. Shes very emotionally fragile and values her virginity very highly and I fear that if I did have sex with her she would get even more atached to me then she already is and when I decide to break up with her it would just crush her. I know the fact that I don't want to have sex with her is ****ing her head up and is probably reigniting underlying self esteem issues she has. So I guess my question for you all is what do you think I should do? I care about her very much and want to stay with her, but I don't think I am in love with her or I ever will be. Could I tell her that? Or should I just end it now? Or should I have sex with her? Either way thanks for reading all of that I know it was long, and any imput would be much appreciate
Grumpybutfun Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 max: No, you should be honest with her and yourself. If you are not in love with her in a romantic way, then you are being deceitful by leading her on. It is kinder to hurt her all at once with the truth than to lead her on with half-truths and lies. Never take something like virginity (especially if it is highly valued by the woman) from someone in a deceitful way as that is cruel. Good luck, Grumps 5
Zahara Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Don't have sex with her. Let her go. Stop dragging her through this. In the long run, it would be the best thing you would have done for her.
CarrieT Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 That kinda woke me up to the fact that I shouldn't take advantage of her, and I was going to breakup with her. Then she told me she loved me and I told her I loved her back, and I do love her, but not on a romantic level if that makes scene. Break up with her and definitely don't take her virginity.
gabgab Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I feel very bad for your gf. I wonder if she knows you only date her for sex and attention
pteromom Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 No. Please don't. Let her virginity be taken by a guy who loves her. You should probably just go ahead and break it off with her. What you are doing isn't very kind. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Definitely do not take her virginity. I commend you for heeding your conscience. Obviously given the fact that your girlfriend is much more into you than you are her, there's a power imbalance in your relationship that you could easily exploit further. Though you've gotten yourself into a less than ideal situation, I think it reveals strength of character that you're feeling conflicted about it and know that to continue on this path would be wrong. The best thing you can do is be honest with her about your lack of deep feelings, break up, and sincerely be her friend if you can. Let her know it's nothing personal - you think she's a wonderful girl, but you're just not feeling those deeper feelings. Maybe as her genuine friend you can help her avoid getting involved with guys who aren't that into her in the future.
Mariposa10 Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I hate when people see virginity as a sacred thing, I kept reading your post and I knew what my answer would be: have sex with her. HOWEVER, I got to the part where you said, "she values her virginity." If it's really important to her and you're gonna breakup, don't have sex with her. It won't be fair to her. Btw, breakup with her as soon as possible before she gets attached even more. And please, don't wait to have someone lined up, so you can breakup with her.
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