SameOldFear Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Logically, I know it won't happen. I know he's gone and he won't come back. He has someone he loved more than he ever loved me. But then emotionally, I go back to when he told me he would only love me forever. And I think maybe he's just going through a phase. In my head, I know this isn't true. How can I get my heart to catch up with my head?
robbysurfs Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 You may always love him... I have a spot in my heart for all the women I have loved or still love. It is a part of my past tho my mom always says to me at least you can love son there are some people who are incapable of love...There are people that confuse love with lust or infatuation or the idea of love. You still have love for him and thats ok there is nothing wrong with that. But the past is history tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift its called the "present" be good to yourself it will pass but its not wrong to love or be loved or give love... 3
Amaury Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Logically, I know it won't happen. I know he's gone and he won't come back. He has someone he loved more than he ever loved me. But then emotionally, I go back to when he told me he would only love me forever. And I think maybe he's just going through a phase. In my head, I know this isn't true. How can I get my heart to catch up with my head? Well I still miss what me and my ex had, and I thought she was different and special but the last few weeks before the break up she changed and right after we broke up she did things I never thought she would and it completely changed my perception of who she was. So what helped me snap back to reality is to remember that you had a life before they came and before you knew they existed you were doing fine and with time will do even better. Also another thing that helped was a quote I read, I'm not sure exactly how it went but it went along the lines of, you know you don't love someone anymore when all you love is the memories you shared and not the person you shared them with. So you might of had good times but don't let that make you forget the person they turned into. Give it time and they pain will slowly diminish , focus on yourself and improve on things to make you a better person not for them or to show them what they missed out on (cause they will) but to be happy with the person you see in the mirror. Sorry for the rant but this is what I wish I told myself 4 months ago lol hope everything goes well 5
2fargone Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 For me, once I figured out most of what happened within the last month together, it was like 'She wanted out of my life. End of story'. Hope should be based on facts. I just got to a point where there were too much facts.
firststeps Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 l know how you feel, as l struggle with who he used to be and the memories and great times we shared. He is not that person anymore and l have to remember that. l get myself in a fog and dark place thinking that he will wake up and everything will be back to normal but then reality and logic kicks in. Having my XH walk out and leave for an OW feels like died but is he still alive. l have to grief him, mourn him and let him go because if l stay in this place too long it will suck me in. Lean on friends, family, IC, support groups. All the best to you 1
Reels Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I live in same delusion too.. Whenever I go sleep, i think that i will meet her one day, and she won't get angry on me, nor she will ignore me.. But that's all fantasies, in real, just stick to reality, that they left you in your hard time, they don't care whether you live or die, nor they will ever want to see you not even your dead face.
organizedchaos Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 But that's all fantasies, in real, just stick to reality, that they left you in your hard time, they don't care whether you live or die, nor they will ever want to see you not even your dead face. Well that's not entirely true. At least not in every situation. 1
stillafool Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Logically, I know it won't happen. I know he's gone and he won't come back. He has someone he loved more than he ever loved me. But then emotionally, I go back to when he told me he would only love me forever. And I think maybe he's just going through a phase. In my head, I know this isn't true. How can I get my heart to catch up with my head? Everytime this pops in your head tell yourself "that was a lie, he is a liar and he's in love with someone else". Keep telling yourself this, it really does help. 1
ponchsox Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Yes, in my case she let me go but I was already unhappy. It took time to adjust but I realize she did me a favor. 3
Reels Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Well that's not entirely true. At least not in every situation. Yes, not exact with every case.
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 It's like we think of such a life (getting back with them) the way a child thinks about castles and dragons; you can imagine it but you know, somehow, that it isn't real. I believe we don't really reach that acceptance until enough time passes. There are things you can do to make the time run smoother and faster, but it remains an ache we must face everyday till we get to that point. Acceptance is like planting a seed. You have the intention of growing this beautiful plant, but you know it won't happen over night. It could take days, weeks or months to fully grow, depending on the type of plant. But you must water it, give it enough sunlight and take care of it so it can grow like it's supposed too. Staring at it and doing nothing to help it grow...well, it will only die. 6
Insanityisdoingsame Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Promises, and they all still feel so wasted on myself. You"ll be alright. Someone will come along and treat you 100x better , and you will look back. And think this dude was nothing but a limp d*** liar. This too shall pass 1
chinacat sunflower Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Okay so I haven't read what others have responded so far, but, here it goes. For me, it was seeing him with his new girl. Via Facebook (we are not friends nor is he blocked). If I didn't see that, I would not be where I'm at right now. We do not have mutual friends, we do not see each other around etc. We have two totally different social circles so I would have had no clue he was with her. That's all I cared to know about, nothing else. I know he's a relationship guy, doesn't have flings or try to make me jealous. He's in a serious, committed relationship and will probably marry her in the near future. Brushed that dirt right off and I'm good. People on here will argue about snooping on Facebook, but it turned out in my favor. You will get there. It takes time and be patient with yourself. Hope you feel better soon and good luck. 1
Dumped85 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Ive been told to think of it like they have died, that will work in my case because I'll never cross paths with her again.
SilverlinedCloud Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 For me, im still trying to find the things which will allow me to accept the fact its over completely My mom always made a point of saying that rather than staying in contact the best revenge or remedy is to live.. and live well.. so i have been focusing on my career and all of the things i put on hold as a consequence to dealing with him as my priority. The con of that is that when things havent been happening as you want you are immediately dealing with the feelings and wondering yet again. Im trying to find a happy medium. I do miss him, we both live out here in the valley.. in fact in the next neighbourhood over and we too have different interests and social circles so i will highly doubt ill see him around. But still have a sense of curiosity about him. You also have to decide.. consciously.. that its over.. and there is something you can do about it.. live your life... they owe you nothing.. you owe them nothing - you were brought together for a time a littler shorter than forever but as an individual human being you have you use the experience to keep on stepping up to what will eventually be perfect for you.
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