Britain Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Have any of you experienced a very heated relationship with a mm that ended on the worst of terms, then much time passed reunited. I feel cold as ice, but still feel a connection. It is just a round and a round we go.
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 May I ask why you're doing this to yourself? Is he truly worth it? You say it ended badly and worst of terms, why on earth would you go for him again? All because of a connection? All this shows him is, you're weak and he can manipulate you. He can treat you horribly, disappear, then come back into your life with sweet nothings and you'll take him back with open arms. Sorry I know you didn't ask for my advice here but it really bothers me that these men squirrel their ways back into their OW's lives after any type of break up, let alone a bad one. I hope some day you realize you're deserving of so much more than he has to offer you...and this guy isn't divorced right? He's still married? 3
Author Britain Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 You are right. We are both these twisted individuals who connect. It is all so wrong, but then again it feels so right. Bad. I know.
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Then you know what you're up against going in a second time. Own it when it blows up in your face and he hurts you again. Don't blame him for this.. Sorry that I'm coming off harsh here, but you're making an informed decision, knowing who he is and it's a really bad one..One that is toxic and damaging. 4
MissBee Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Have any of you experienced a very heated relationship with a mm that ended on the worst of terms, then much time passed reunited. I feel cold as ice, but still feel a connection. It is just a round and a round we go. My exAP and I reunited...he was single when we did though and the A had been water on the bridge (for the most part) by then, as we had both seen other people and did other things so had time for perspective. I don't get what you mean you're cold as ice? Also, is he still married? Sorry if you answered already. Had my exAP come back still in a R I would not have "reunited" or rekindled the A. I was removed enough from it to remember what I deserved and how much I enjoyed being in a single R without A complications to have signed back up for that as much as I still had feelings for him. 3
imfine Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I had a friend that did this. Her AP had crushed her completely the first go around. A little over a year later he came back. She thought she was healed enough to be cool & it would just be about sex. Didn't work out that way. She was crushed & publicly humiliated for a second time. A few years later he tried again & she told him where to go. There is no way this will turn out good for you. Why would you step in front of a speeding train? 2
nicepuzzle Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Mine came back after 6 years or so...and apologized and we got back together like nothing happened. He was same and nothing had changed and it went in the same old direction. It ended up really bad this time and I had to tell everything to his wife. I wish I never went back. Now am healing again. They never change and take us for granted. 1
Mount Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 but sometimes it is the OW who would be willing to squeeze into MM's life even though his words and actions were matching that he wanted to go back to reconcile with wife. But eventually OW is still able to pull MM back. It is just life. May I ask why you're doing this to yourself? Is he truly worth it? You say it ended badly and worst of terms, why on earth would you go for him again? All because of a connection? All this shows him is, you're weak and he can manipulate you. He can treat you horribly, disappear, then come back into your life with sweet nothings and you'll take him back with open arms. Sorry I know you didn't ask for my advice here but it really bothers me that these men squirrel their ways back into their OW's lives after any type of break up, let alone a bad one. I hope some day you realize you're deserving of so much more than he has to offer you...and this guy isn't divorced right? He's still married? 1
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 but sometimes it is the OW who would be willing to squeeze into MM's life even though his words and actions were matching that he wanted to go back to reconcile with wife. But eventually OW is still able to pull MM back. It is just life. Difference is, the OW mostly is hoping and hoping and hoping that eventually MM will choose her. She wants it all, full on R with him, when most of the time these MM are NOT ever divorcing. They are just interested in having an affair on the side to fulfill their needs. Selfish. It is just life, yes, but each of you (general you) CHOOSE it to be that way. 3
Snipercatt Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 We are both these twisted individuals who connect. It is all so wrong, but then again it feels so right. Britain, these are not the words of someone who is cold as ice. Beware. 2
SunsetRed Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Don't do a second round w this man. Once you do the second round, you open yourself up to doing a 3rd and 4th round. In the end, you'll feel emotionally dead and depleted. 2
Author Britain Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Thank you for the replies. Yes, I am involved again. What am I doing? The adrenaline high of the sex....is so addictive. I want him and it the high so badly it aches, then feel so down afterward. I feel as if I have no soul. I am a terrible person, seeing their reconciliation pictures, the congratulations, then falling into it once again. My decision. No one forced me.
Baby123 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 (edited) Do you want him as just a sex partner? Are you okay with him sleeping with the bs. Yes the sex might be phenomenal but if you want him you need to stop letting him cake eat. You are giving him What he needs, yes you enjoy it, but what about the relationship without the sex? I would not give a man my body without him giving me what I want outside of the bedroom. Edited December 16, 2013 by Baby123 2
Owl Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 You are right. We are both these twisted individuals who connect. It is all so wrong, but then again it feels so right. Bad. I know. Then stop doing it. Problem solved. It IS that easy, that simple. 2
veryhappy Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 If you feel so down afterwards, you are not cold as ice. You'll be done when you'll be done, and pray you'll still find your soul after this. The more you go back the more he'll see you as the slut and see the wife as the amazing woman he doesn't deserve. If that's goal of yours, keep the sex going. 1
Author Britain Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I have no need to compete or adhere his other life to that of what we share. After all the drama, hurt on both sides, the fact we are both taking this chance again, this risk to enjoy being with one another is what is perplexing to me. I need to figure it out, and yes I can stop it whenever I choose.
Owl Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I have no need to compete or adhere his other life to that of what we share. After all the drama, hurt on both sides, the fact we are both taking this chance again, this risk to enjoy being with one another is what is perplexing to me. I need to figure it out, and yes I can stop it whenever I choose. Then there is nothing perplexing about it. You CHOOSE to continue. 2
Author Britain Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Then there is nothing perplexing about it. You CHOOSE to continue. Not sure what the intention of your commenting is, but because something is not perplexing to you, does not validate reasoning it shouldn't be perplexing for me, for i am living it.
Owl Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Not sure what the intention of your commenting is, but because something is not perplexing to you, does not validate reasoning it shouldn't be perplexing for me, for i am living it. The intent of my post is simple. You are where you've choosen to be. You're not there by accident nor whim. You're RESPONSIBLE for being where you're at right now. And...you're CAPABLE of changing where you're at, and where you're headed. You're RESPONSIBLE for choosing what you do next, where you go from here. And making a decision isn't that hard...choosing is easy. It's following up with your choices, and taking responsibiltity for them that's the hard part. You already know what you want to do...what choice you are going to make. Have you chosen to continue, or chosen to end it? What came into your head when you read that? That was your answer. Now...whatever that answer was...make it happen, and accept responsibility for the outcome of that choice, whatever it was. People think they have to spend a long time making a choice...the reality is they've made that decision from the moment they faced it...they just don't want to deal with the repercussions and responsility of their choices, which is why they dither and fret about making a choice. 3
OldRover Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Do you want him as just a sex partner? Are you okay with him sleeping with the bs. Yes the sex might be phenomenal but if you want him you need to stop letting him cake eat. You are giving him What he needs, yes you enjoy it, but what about the relationship without the sex? I would not give a man my body without him giving me what I want outside of the bedroom. Baby, You make it sound like a one way street... it takes two to have and affair, and neither is forced into it. You're not "giving" sex, you're there to enjoy it...or don't do it. It's not that he's "paying" you for sex by doing things outside the bedroom. If so, you're a prostitute. 1
Author Britain Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 It is not a love story. This meaning I feel nothing on the inside so being able to feel the negatives of the affair sparks some feeling, little, but some, so it reminds me I am living and breathing. Yes, physical satisfaction is a separate entity from emotional. If I could feel emotional, well needless to say, I would love to be able to feel the highs of love too. It is not there. I do not get butterflies from a call, contact, touch. I can slightly remember a time I felt like this with relationships. It is not there anymore. Gone.
Owl Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 It is not a love story. This meaning I feel nothing on the inside so being able to feel the negatives of the affair sparks some feeling, little, but some, so it reminds me I am living and breathing. Yes, physical satisfaction is a separate entity from emotional. If I could feel emotional, well needless to say, I would love to be able to feel the highs of love too. It is not there. I do not get butterflies from a call, contact, touch. I can slightly remember a time I felt like this with relationships. It is not there anymore. Gone. Google the term "Limerance". I suspect you're confusing love and limerance. 1
Author Britain Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Google the term "Limerance". I suspect you're confusing love and limerance. ??? So it is not love or limerance. It is two of us, no emotions, neither the ability, playing lab rat with one another. Maybe I can prod an emotion out of him. It is a battle of the wits. A strange dynamic. Although he mentioned I hurt him during our fall out. I do not get that. I believe he wants to believe that, but that he actually felt that, I think he can in a very mutated sub human way. I am not sure why we even bother with one another. Yes, this perplexes me in a strictly clinical sense.
Author Britain Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Love is a gift. It would be inadvisable to give love to someone not deserving of it because they throw breadcrumbs now and then that they care. I will not put myself in that position to end up blubbering about how hurt I am etc etc. I am perplexed I am actually agreeing to see them. Perplexed. Yes Perplexed. P-e-r-p-l-e-x-e-d.
Owl Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 THEN SIMPLY DON'T AGREE TO SEE HIM. You won't be confused with your actions. You'll be acting consistently with your beliefs and values. Conflict ended. 1
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