freebird31 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Call it a hunch, nut depsite what anyone says that "they dont always come back," I really think in my case my ex will be back. We are both still young, and it was both our first serious relationship. He ended it after he got a job. he had a lot going on: school, a job, family problems, and me. We werent spending much time once he got this job. It took away all his time. I expressed to him that I wanted to see him more. Nothing really changed. And it just added to the bucket of stress he already had, so he ended it. He was also moving away for college in a few months so that was another thing. I think what he did was the right thing to do, regarding our age. We are so young. You know. To get in a committed relationship at age 21? To me, that sounds foolish now that i look back at it. I think he made the right choice. But i believe all the feelings are still there, even after months after the BU. We are both from the same city. So when he comes for summer and winter vacation, we are bound to see eachother eventually. We also have a ton of mututal friends. I just cant help but feel like that this isnt the end for us..... I mean if it is, it is. But if it isnt, i think that we needed this time apart to figure out who we were if we ever get back together in the future. Idk, i just really dont think its the end. The way he handled the BU and the reason for the BU just makes get this hunch. As well as all the things he said, that he wass still attracted to me and what not. And he did not want me out of his life. .......I just cant help but have this strong feeling I will be seeing him again, maybe later in a year or couple years.
Marine0311 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I tend to think the same as you do. I joined the Marines right out of highschool at 18 while she was a junior in highschool. We stuck together for two years while I was still active duty. I was wounded my first deployment and eventually medically seperated from service. We brokeup then. I now am back in our hometown going to college and working. She is finally enjoying being away at school without the worry of me on her mind. The way we ended was so fast and we have been NC almost 7 months. I feel as if we see each other again, we can finally start fresh and fall in love all over again. Now this may be optimism, but who knows. If you manage to see each other again, have absolutely no expectations! Start it like its a totally new guy and you've never met before. I believe you are like me and would love to fall in love together with your first love again. 1
Author freebird31 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 I tend to think the same as you do. I joined the Marines right out of highschool at 18 while she was a junior in highschool. We stuck together for two years while I was still active duty. I was wounded my first deployment and eventually medically seperated from service. We brokeup then. I now am back in our hometown going to college and working. She is finally enjoying being away at school without the worry of me on her mind. The way we ended was so fast and we have been NC almost 7 months. I feel as if we see each other again, we can finally start fresh and fall in love all over again. Now this may be optimism, but who knows. If you manage to see each other again, have absolutely no expectations! Start it like its a totally new guy and you've never met before. I believe you are like me and would love to fall in love together with your first love again. Aw....yeah, i just idk what i can call it? maybe a hunch? It just didnt feel right, the way that it ended. I felt it ended pre-maturely. Its not like there was cheating involved or bc feelings were no longer there. It just felt like it had to end because of the circumstances, even though he was the one that broke it off....so Ill always wonder about him. But I really think its for the best that we have this time apart...I mean he is 21, and I am sure he would want to be partying or enjoy his freedom. I find it really beautiful when i see relationships that reconcile after time (maybe years) apart. even if you have to date others. or just grow on your own. But youre def right, I know if I see him, I will act very cool and calm. and ask him how he is doing. I wonder what that day will be like..... We have been broken up for 8 months and 3 months NC but, i definitely think it wouldnt hurt if we have more time alone. I think its more special when a larger amount of time has passed before running into them again. 1
Author freebird31 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 Is it delusion or maybe denial that concerns why I feel this way. I just can't help but feel he will be back. I know so many other people tell me that it's not always true. I just, can't describe it. It's like a guy feeling, an instinct he will be back..
DannyCA Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Is it delusion or maybe denial that concerns why I feel this way. I just can't help but feel he will be back. I know so many other people tell me that it's not always true. I just, can't describe it. It's like a guy feeling, an instinct he will be back.. Yeah I know how you feel. Been broken up with my ex for 10 months now and NC for...idk I lost count. But I feel the same. Is it foolish to have that hope that her and I will meet again sometime in the future and get back together? Yeah maybe, but I can't help but feel it will happen. For now though I can't do anything but just live my life as if she won't come back (what kind of life is it if you stop yourself from doing things because you're concerned about you ex). And honestly, if a couple gets back together only after a few weeks, a few months, is that really enough time to figure out why they broke up with you? And is that enough time for the both of you to completely reform and change for the better so you both can be in better places to be together and better than you ever were before? I'm hopeful, very hopeful, I actually look forward to the day we reconnect all the time. But with that being said, she used to be my priority, not anymore, I've decided not to put my life on hold waiting for that moment. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Is it delusion or maybe denial that concerns why I feel this way. I just can't help but feel he will be back. I know so many other people tell me that it's not always true. I just, can't describe it. It's like a guy feeling, an instinct he will be back.. That feeling is going to hold you back in your recovery. Will you see him again -- who knows -- but counting on it doesn't really get you where you need to go. Keeping one foot in the past assures you of not evolving in the future.
Author freebird31 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 Yeah I know how you feel. Been broken up with my ex for 10 months now and NC for...idk I lost count. But I feel the same. Is it foolish to have that hope that her and I will meet again sometime in the future and get back together? Yeah maybe, but I can't help but feel it will happen. For now though I can't do anything but just live my life as if she won't come back (what kind of life is it if you stop yourself from doing things because you're concerned about you ex). And honestly, if a couple gets back together only after a few weeks, a few months, is that really enough time to figure out why they broke up with you? And is that enough time for the both of you to completely reform and change for the better so you both can be in better places to be together and better than you ever were before? I'm hopeful, very hopeful, I actually look forward to the day we reconnect all the time. But with that being said, she used to be my priority, not anymore, I've decided not to put my life on hold waiting for that moment. Yeah Exactly how I feel.. I think that a couple should get back together, if they were ever to get back together, after both parties have spent an immense amount of time with their self. Other than that, i see NO POINT in it. Which is why I blocked his number....i dont think we should stay in touch. I think the space apart and time apart is essential and important, if there were ever to be a chance for us in the future. I think its ridiculous when i see couples who break up and after a month apart they get back together. i mean, it really depends on the circumstances, but to me, those relationships did not grow or change in any way. I think its so important that we grow on our own. And him too. Like you said, so he could figure out why exactly he broke it off with me. And what exactly it means to be apart. Its just the mature grown-up thing to do. But yes, as for now. I just live my life like I will never see him or be with him again. Which means, possibly dating others in the future. Its not like I am holding on to the past..in hopes of him returning. Its just none other than a HUNCH that we will meet again. I guess thats what some dont get...is they think im holding on and im not...all i can describe it as is none other than a gut feeling. And by then, i mean who knows. I might even be moved on 1
Author freebird31 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 You know what it is. I think its just like..this instinct. After having similar experiences in the past, I have noticed a lot of my former flings, even though they werent serious, have always returned. I just have this instinct. And i know I am right. To me, it just wouldnt make sense if he didnt come back. We had a lot of chemisstry, hardly fought and when we did disagree we always tried to communicate/work it out. We had so much fun together and what not! We had a good bond, and a special kind of chemistry. Its just something you cant let go of. im sorry, but I dont think any one in their right mind would let go of something that easy or would never doubt they made a mistake. If i was in his shoes, I know somewhere down the line, id look back and doubt my decision for letting it go. Or would want to talk to this person again. I dont think anyone could walk away from it all that easy and never return. Sorry. I just dont buy it. 1
TryingToFigureItOut Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I think as time goes by that instinct will slowly lessen, depending on whether that person starts dating someone new or not. But if it has been an instinct all along, it will never 100% go away. It could be because that person was your first love and you will always have that hope you will get back together with them, or whether it is just a gut instinct who knows. I still have that small inkling..it used to be much bigger but once my ex started dating someone new 2 months ago it not only made me doubt a lot it also scared me when I thought of our potential future reconciliation. I guess it woke me up to the reality that it will be a brand new relationship if there ever is one, one where I will have to get to know my ex all over again and it will take a lot of work. It's scary! My point is that it is good to have that instinct, but it's also important to not rely on it so much. I made that mistake and now every day that my ex is still with her I feel an inch more pain. Guess it's my fault for not fully letting go for now.
DannyCA Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Yeah Exactly how I feel.. I think that a couple should get back together, if they were ever to get back together, after both parties have spent an immense amount of time with their self. Other than that, i see NO POINT in it. Which is why I blocked his number....i dont think we should stay in touch. I think the space apart and time apart is essential and important, if there were ever to be a chance for us in the future. I think its ridiculous when i see couples who break up and after a month apart they get back together. i mean, it really depends on the circumstances, but to me, those relationships did not grow or change in any way. I think its so important that we grow on our own. And him too. Like you said, so he could figure out why exactly he broke it off with me. And what exactly it means to be apart. Its just the mature grown-up thing to do. But yes, as for now. I just live my life like I will never see him or be with him again. Which means, possibly dating others in the future. Its not like I am holding on to the past..in hopes of him returning. Its just none other than a HUNCH that we will meet again. I guess thats what some dont get...is they think im holding on and im not...all i can describe it as is none other than a gut feeling. And by then, i mean who knows. I might even be moved on No it doesn't mean "possibly" dating others, but rather "actually" dating others. It comes with the territory, but shouldn't be forced to heal. It should come naturally like you and your ex came to be. And that's good that you're not staying in touch. Personally, my ex and I were on and off contact for months and months. Her being cold, me being an a******, her ignoring me, myself ignoring her, me yelling at her, then me apologizing, etc. It really was a mess now that I look back on it, yet all of it could have been avoided if I just didn't keep in contact, if I just didn't check her FB/IG, if I just didn't reply to her breadcrumbs.
Author freebird31 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 I think as time goes by that instinct will slowly lessen, depending on whether that person starts dating someone new or not. But if it has been an instinct all along, it will never 100% go away. It could be because that person was your first love and you will always have that hope you will get back together with them, or whether it is just a gut instinct who knows. I still have that small inkling..it used to be much bigger but once my ex started dating someone new 2 months ago it not only made me doubt a lot it also scared me when I thought of our potential future reconciliation. I guess it woke me up to the reality that it will be a brand new relationship if there ever is one, one where I will have to get to know my ex all over again and it will take a lot of work. It's scary! My point is that it is good to have that instinct, but it's also important to not rely on it so much. I made that mistake and now every day that my ex is still with her I feel an inch more pain. Guess it's my fault for not fully letting go for now. your response really made me think. i didnt realize that if there were to ever be a relationship with this person it would be a brand NEW one. It just makes me understand and come to terms that this past relationship is none other than over. /: that makes me so sad. Never thought of it that way. I didnt ever come to think that by moving on it even meant possibly getting serious with other people and even forgetting each other. It just makes this whole thing, so real now. Im just going to plan to live my life like im never going to see him again, meet him again or be his gf again. I just have to live my life like im moving on. The gut instinct doesnt matter much and is not a factor at all. I never realized that if there ever was a reconciliation, it would be like meeting a whole new person again. it wouldnt be the same relationship, and who knows we might change a little or a lot. It could never be the exact same. Thanks so much for your response. it made me come into an acceptance that this relationship is forever over. And a reconcilation (if ever) would only mean that it would be a different relationship, a new one. (which might not be a bad thing.) but it just help me to come to terms that this past relationship is over.
Author freebird31 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 No it doesn't mean "possibly" dating others, but rather "actually" dating others. It comes with the territory, but shouldn't be forced to heal. It should come naturally like you and your ex came to be. And that's good that you're not staying in touch. Personally, my ex and I were on and off contact for months and months. Her being cold, me being an a******, her ignoring me, myself ignoring her, me yelling at her, then me apologizing, etc. It really was a mess now that I look back on it, yet all of it could have been avoided if I just didn't keep in contact, if I just didn't check her FB/IG, if I just didn't reply to her breadcrumbs. Been there, done that. Ive replied countlessly to his breadcrumbs for months. He didnt respect my space to heal after the BU. Funny how he was the one that broke it off yet he wouldnt let me be. it was torture/: im so glad its over now. Now that there is no contact, we can finally be at peace. Yeah, the thoughts, memories come to mind always. But its all about survival and coping now. Bcus thats what us humans do, we learn to cope and only the fittest survive.
TryingToFigureItOut Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 your response really made me think. i didnt realize that if there were to ever be a relationship with this person it would be a brand NEW one. It just makes me understand and come to terms that this past relationship is none other than over. /: that makes me so sad. Never thought of it that way. I didnt ever come to think that by moving on it even meant possibly getting serious with other people and even forgetting each other. It just makes this whole thing, so real now. Im just going to plan to live my life like im never going to see him again, meet him again or be his gf again. I just have to live my life like im moving on. The gut instinct doesnt matter much and is not a factor at all. I never realized that if there ever was a reconciliation, it would be like meeting a whole new person again. it wouldnt be the same relationship, and who knows we might change a little or a lot. It could never be the exact same. Thanks so much for your response. it made me come into an acceptance that this relationship is forever over. And a reconcilation (if ever) would only mean that it would be a different relationship, a new one. (which might not be a bad thing.) but it just help me to come to terms that this past relationship is over. I completely agree. I had friends tell me this for months and I always told them that I understood and I agreed but it never really got to me until my ex started a new relationship with this new girl and I started dating around. After awhile you start thinking of them less and less and one day it truly hit me that our relationship is now in the past and once that hit me I just bawled my eyes out. It was like a part of me died. HOWEVER, for me as hard as it is, I still love him as a person, NOT the relationship but HIM. So if letting go of our old relationship means that we have a small chance of being together in a new relationship in the future then I am willing to do it.
Author freebird31 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 Thanks. This helps me to move on.
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