Jules78 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 well i don't know if she has moved on, or is seeing anybody else... but that is just a gut feeling i am getting it is better not to find out... better to just move forward and not look back It's better to not know. Trust me. I am a professional snooper, sir.
Teejee Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Yeah but eventually you will find out. It's just the feeling that I still have feelings for her and that she moved on so easily and I'm still struggling to move on.
Jules78 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Yeah but eventually you will find out. It's just the feeling that I still have feelings for her and that she moved on so easily and I'm still struggling to move on. I know the feeling. Mine moved on immediately. He's gone yet I still pine.
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Yeah but eventually you will find out. It's just the feeling that I still have feelings for her and that she moved on so easily and I'm still struggling to move on. how would you eventualy find out? if you remained no contact, cut all ties.. email/facebook/text everything how will you know... offcourse they will move on at some point, but why bother to find out. i doesn't matter to me, if mine moves on or not... as i could never be back with her...
Teejee Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Well because we don't live that far from each other. I have deleted and blocked her from fb and haven't had any contact for 1,5 month or so. I know we will never be a couple again but I (unfortunately) still have feelings for her.
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Well because we don't live that far from each other. I have deleted and blocked her from fb and haven't had any contact for 1,5 month or so. I know we will never be a couple again but I (unfortunately) still have feelings for her. i know how you feel... i really do man i have very strong feelings for my ex. i was head over heels for her.. seriously! i was so gaga over her, that i could not see her faults, how manipulative she was, how she was the complete opossite of what a good girlfriend should be.. now that i have had over a month apart from her, i truley realize & can see how this girl could have destroyed my life (marriage & living together) was on the table! yeh i miss her loads, but walking away was the only option i had left..
Teejee Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Seems like you are doing quit well. I hope it gets better for me when time goes by.
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Seems like you are doing quit well. I hope it gets better for me when time goes by. it all depends my freind... if for the majority of the time, you guys had a great relationship & she was a good woman... then yeh it can be hard to let go of those good times & all those great memories & that special bond that you may have shared in my case & i really feel that special bond... i think i just fell for the wrong woman... there was more negatives about her than good... i just couldn't let go of this addiction, that was her... and i guess it was the same for her, as she kept coming back! those sweet/mean cycles they put you through... hot/cold, push/pull, leave you feeling hooked, like a junkie needs his drugs... lol the only way out for me, was to walk away & stay vanished
Simplysimon Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Gaming.......hmmmmm She doesn't have a Personality disorder. Has she any baggage? Her ex?. Splitting up 8 times means nothing. It can still work. Tell us why you BU so much. Your using no contact to get her back. Not good. Stay aloof for 5 weeks and send her a text like ...just seen blah blah blah lol reminded me of you. Nothing like how are you or that crap. Relationships should be easy it sounds unhealthy. The situation works for her so why change? Get a new woman Infact think abundance and get 3 till you find someone better.
Haydn Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Yes i can buy this. I went through much the same. But when i look back and see how i was treated, well it was my own fault and i let her do these things that hurt so much. But she did display lack of feeling and was so cold most of the time. I dont know, yep i am not Jung. But bakc to the op, yes NC wont bring her back. You will move on over time and it does get easier once you get past the fear bit. good luck. I love how after every breakup the dumper has bipolar disorder. Does being dumped automatically make a robot in a building in Wisconsin somewhere issue out a metered-mail psychology degree to the dumpee? Or are you just hurt and calling the person who left you any name you can think of to get even after Googling mental illnesses and behavioral disorders about THEM instead of YOURSELF Guys, we've got to stop doing this. Bottom line it didn't work out. You're not a psych counselor. You're a dumpee. Stop playing Carl Jung; you are not him.
Sugarkane Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Some dumpers really are vindictive and psycho, while I did nothing but go NC. I've had a dumper contact me just to gloat about his "new life" and act completely psycho. "Ex contacted and begged me back". I love how after every breakup the dumper has bipolar disorder. Does being dumped automatically make a robot in a building in Wisconsin somewhere issue out a metered-mail psychology degree to the dumpee? Or are you just hurt and calling the person who left you any name you can think of to get even after Googling mental illnesses and behavioral disorders about THEM instead of YOURSELF Guys, we've got to stop doing this. Bottom line it didn't work out. You're not a psych counselor. You're a dumpee. Stop playing Carl Jung; you are not him.
Sugarkane Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I sometimes wonder if silence makes any difference to them, if they're truly an Ahole. They seem to move right along onto their next victim. 3
Author soulforge2013 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) Gaming.......hmmmmm She doesn't have a Personality disorder. Has she any baggage? Her ex?. Splitting up 8 times means nothing. It can still work. Tell us why you BU so much. Your using no contact to get her back. Not good. Stay aloof for 5 weeks and send her a text like ...just seen blah blah blah lol reminded me of you. Nothing like how are you or that crap. Relationships should be easy it sounds unhealthy. The situation works for her so why change? Get a new woman Infact think abundance and get 3 till you find someone better. yes she has 4 kids, from 3 differnet guys... she also has an ex whom she is very close to... bit too close for my comfort also i am not using "no contact" to get her back... i want to break the cycle/addiction and free myself off her. we broke up so many times because, she constantly displays passive aggressive behaviour... if there is a argument or a fallout, she would resort to long drawn out silent treatments... and she would not talk... or sulking, or walking out it would then turn into a power struggle... even if she is clearly in the wrong, she will not break the silent treatmant & would expect me to come running to her, or try to open some dialogue with her... if i do not give in to her.... then we would end up breaking up. i am guessing she did this to get control over me. she would also make remarks, that are insulting, but she would disguise these remarks into a "jokey" manner... so if i pulled her, on her bahaviour, she would then continue to accuse me of "bieng too serious" "not able to take a joke" etc reverse it, to make me look like the bad guy she would use covert methods to create drama, or pull me down... the words sorry, does not exist in her vercabulary... she would never accept wrong doing. you would intentionly break promises... or tell lies, here and there i would get fed up & walk out of the relationship... then she would resort to trying to get me back, by using shaming tactic & guilt tripping me if that does not work, then she would plead for me to come back then if i did come back to her, after the honeymoon period of 2-3 weeks, she would resort back to her old self again a continous toxic cycle Edited January 2, 2014 by soulforge2013 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 yes she has 4 kids, from 3 differnet guys... she also has an ex whom she is very close to... bit too close for my comfort also i am not using "no contact" to get her back... i want to break the cycle/addiction and free myself off her. we broke up so many times because, she constantly displays passive aggressive behaviour... if there is a argument or a fallout, she would resort to long drawn out silent treatments... and she would not talk... or sulking, or walking out it would then turn into a power struggle... even if she is clearly in the wrong, she will not break the silent treatmant & would expect me to come running to her, or try to open some dialogue with her... if i do not give in to her.... then we would end up breaking up. i am guessing she did this to get control over me. she would also make remarks, that are insulting, but she would disguise these remarks into a "jokey" manner... so if i pulled her, on her bahaviour, she would then continue to accuse me of "bieng too serious" "not able to take a joke" etc reverse it, to make me look like the bad guy she would use covert methods to create drama, or pull me down... the words sorry, does not exist in her vercabulary... she would never accept wrong doing. you would intentionly break promises... or tell lies, here and there i would get fed up & walk out of the relationship... then she would resort to trying to get me back, by using shaming tactic & guilt tripping me if that does not work, then she would plead for me to come back then if i did come back to her, after the honeymoon period of 2-3 weeks, she would resort back to her old self again a continous toxic cycle Oh my god, my ex did exactly the same thing to me. Even when he was acting like a douche, he did this silent treatment, and every each time I reached out he acted worse. And then it was all my fault. I don't know how can I still miss this guy :/ Hope you get out from this crazy controlling lady soon. My best wishes
Author soulforge2013 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Oh my god, my ex did exactly the same thing to me. Even when he was acting like a douche, he did this silent treatment, and every each time I reached out he acted worse. And then it was all my fault. I don't know how can I still miss this guy :/ Hope you get out from this crazy controlling lady soon. My best wishes this is the thing tho... when she used silent treatment on me, not called me or texted me for days... i would not reach out to her i would not give in to her craziness... this would then result in us breaking up.. pretty much exactly what has happen this time round.... i went ghost on her, changed my mobile number, decided to just vanish from this toxic womans life for good and forever 6 days later, she sends me an email, telling me it is over! you cannot win with people like this... it is a lose lose situation 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 this is the thing tho... when she used silent treatment on me, not called me or texted me for days... i would not reach out to her i would not give in to her craziness... this would then result in us breaking up.. pretty much exactly what has happen this time round.... i went ghost on her, changed my mobile number, decided to just vanish from this toxic womans life for good and forever 6 days later, she sends me an email, telling me it is over! you cannot win with people like this... it is a lose lose situation I know! They are always right.... I broke up with him and he turned the situation so I looked like the one who was crazy... The worst part is that I believed this. No more.
Author soulforge2013 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I know! They are always right.... I broke up with him and he turned the situation so I looked like the one who was crazy... The worst part is that I believed this. No more. this is the reason why i started this thread... i had a choice of dumping her by text/email or just simply changing my number & vanishing from her life, never to contact her again. i chose to just vanish... but now i wish i had just dumped her instead... 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 this is the reason why i started this thread... i had a choice of dumping her by text/email or just simply changing my number & vanishing from her life, never to contact her again. i chose to just vanish... but now i wish i had just dumped her instead... lol I understand :/ Now that you wrote that I guess it would have been a better option just to vanish, as you did. They don't deserve respect since they don't give us any. Don't worry, stay as a low-profile. I'm with you!
Mondmellonw Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 this is the reason why i started this thread... i had a choice of dumping her by text/email or just simply changing my number & vanishing from her life, never to contact her again. i chose to just vanish... but now i wish i had just dumped her instead... Also, I dumped him via FB. But he anyways managed things to tell me "I needed to go see a therapist and be happy" cause I was obsessive and insecure. On the other hand, well, he is a drinker, a liar, and a cheater, manipulative and maybe NPD a**hole. ...Sorry, just needed to get off that.
Author soulforge2013 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Also, I dumped him via FB. But he anyways managed things to tell me "I needed to go see a therapist and be happy" cause I was obsessive and insecure. On the other hand, well, he is a drinker, a liar, and a cheater, manipulative and maybe NPD a**hole. ...Sorry, just needed to get off that. but this is the mistake i think i made.. maybe i should have just dumped her by text or email? then vanished for good. instead i changed my number & vanished... she then sent me an email, saying it was over 6 days later. i feel like i missed an opportunity here
LadyM Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 The truth is, it is inconsequential how you ended it. You are putting so much thought and effort into whether it is best to have done it this way or that way, but believe me, she is so far past you that it doesn't matter to her in the slightest. She has moved on. 1
Trimmer Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 but this is the mistake i think i made.. maybe i should have just dumped her by text or email? then vanished for good. instead i changed my number & vanished... she then sent me an email, saying it was over 6 days later. i feel like i missed an opportunity here Your opportunity was to get away from an unhealthy relationship, and you took it. What opportunity did you miss? Are you still thinking of "how it affected her?" ...of what impression you left with her? STOP thinking about her, about how you affected her, about any of that. Your opportunity was to get out, and you did that. All this hand-wringing about lost opportunity is just you, maintaining an unhealthy connection to her. Drop the connection. Move on. How you affect her, what she thinks, what impression you left behind does not matter. Recognize the real opportunity you were smart enough to take advantage of. Turn around and look forward. Now start moving in that direction, and leave her in your past. 2
Mondmellonw Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 but this is the mistake i think i made.. maybe i should have just dumped her by text or email? then vanished for good. instead i changed my number & vanished... she then sent me an email, saying it was over 6 days later. i feel like i missed an opportunity here No, don't let that door open. Leave it like that.
Recommended Posts