soulforge2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 okay guys, i was in a relationship with a woman on and off for 3 years! in that 3 years we must have split up around 8 times... why? because she was a horrible person... i have done lots of research and realised she is more than likley BPD (BODERLINE PERSONALITY) either that, or a very passive aggresive female... very loving at times, then turns very cold & cruel and abusive... she tormented me, broke my trust so many times i was almost addicted to this woman.. took me so long to get away from her! anyhow excatly 12 days ago, we had a bust up & she left my house miffed off, and said she would text me later on... but she did not text.. after 2 days of not hearing from her, i changed my mobile number and blocked her from my email. i decided to vanish... i needed to escape from this toxic woman as it was a matter of my sanity anyhow i disapeared and did not bother to contact her again... after 5 days of me going ghost, she must have decided that i was not going to be coming back & the relationship is over.. she was hoping i would be ringing her & calling like a well trained puppy, but i did not do so so she sent me some emails, from another email adress saying it was over between us, as i was not treating her good blah blah blah total rubbish, and trying to guilt trip me... even tho she sent me the email ending it... i still did not break no contact and did not give her any kind of reaction or any attention at all. my question is, is me going complete ghost on her from the day of the argument, up untill now, more powerfull that her ending it with an email? i am tempted to send her an email back saying... that i have not read anything she has sent me, and i,m not interested in what she has to say... i do not want you in my life, and yes it is over... or is it better to continue down the road of complete and utter silence?
Ordinaryday Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 okay guys, i was in a relationship with a woman on and off for 3 years! in that 3 years we must have split up around 8 times... why? because she was a horrible person... i have done lots of research and realised she is more than likley BPD (BODERLINE PERSONALITY) either that, or a very passive aggresive female... very loving at times, then turns very cold & cruel and abusive... she tormented me, broke my trust so many times i was almost addicted to this woman.. took me so long to get away from her! anyhow excatly 12 days ago, we had a bust up & she left my house miffed off, and said she would text me later on... but she did not text.. after 2 days of not hearing from her, i changed my mobile number and blocked her from my email. i decided to vanish... i needed to escape from this toxic woman as it was a matter of my sanity anyhow i disapeared and did not bother to contact her again... after 5 days of me going ghost, she must have decided that i was not going to be coming back & the relationship is over.. she was hoping i would be ringing her & calling like a well trained puppy, but i did not do so so she sent me some emails, from another email adress saying it was over between us, as i was not treating her good blah blah blah total rubbish, and trying to guilt trip me... even tho she sent me the email ending it... i still did not break no contact and did not give her any kind of reaction or any attention at all. my question is, is me going complete ghost on her from the day of the argument, up untill now, more powerfull that her ending it with an email? i am tempted to send her an email back saying... that i have not read anything she has sent me, and i,m not interested in what she has to say... i do not want you in my life, and yes it is over... or is it better to continue down the road of complete and utter silence? Indeed. ANY contact you give them, ANY AT ALL, simply demonstrates to them that they still have a hold on you. it may be a tiny hold but it is a hold nonetheless. because responding in any way, any way at all, simply conveys that you thought they were worth the amount of time it took to write out the response. but silence will convey the message to them that they have literally no hold on you, and that they weren't even worth the two minutes it would have taken to respond back to them. that hurts them more. 5
fixing Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 You got it buddy! Complete silence. And stick to it. She sounds like a Psycho
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 You got it buddy! Complete silence. And stick to it. She sounds like a Psycho she was a horrible horrible, narcassit cruel person... i personaly believe it was ME WHO DUMPED HER, by going complete silent on her for 12 days now! when she realised i am not trying to come crawling back, she probably decided to send those emails ending things, to make herself feel better! I THINK ME DISAPPEARING IS ALOT MORE POWERFULL 4
fixing Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 she was a horrible horrible, narcassit cruel person... i personaly believe it was ME WHO DUMPED HER, by going complete silent on her for 12 days now! when she realised i am not trying to come crawling back, she probably decided to send those emails ending things, to make herself feel better! I THINK ME DISAPPEARING IS ALOT MORE POWERFUL Good man! She hurt you badly time and time again. I just hope you dont go back on your word now in a moment of madness and initiate contact again. This relationship sounds very bad for your mental health. You are winning right now so stay no contact. 2
lil hoodlum Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 If your goal is to inflict the most emotional pain on her, then yes, ignore her. It will invalidate her as a person and human being. 2
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 If your goal is to inflict the most emotional pain on her, then yes, ignore her. It will invalidate her as a person and human being. well to be honest.... i really wanted to break up with her, enough was enough.... but i chose to go silent on her, instead of sending an email or text to end it... i really couldn't even be bothered to let her know it was over. this womans cruelty has no bounds... so i chose to just vanish from her life! i am very tempted to send her an email, just letting her know, that i am done with her & want nothing to do with her again.... but.... but i think silence is probably the ultimate weapon!!!!
L1ght Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 That's so bizarre.....I was just thinking about the power of silence today and how it's pretty much the single biggest weapon to use in an intimate relationship that has hit the rocks. It's total power. If you reach out to your partner and they don't respond back then the power ultimate shifts in their favour. It's a trap and if any partner ever gives you the silent treatment the absolute best solution is to give it straight back. Don't reveal anything to them about what is on your mind as the more you reveal while they stay silent the weaker your hand gets. I have been given the silent treatment by every woman I've ever been with eventually one way or the other and it's in these moments that a guy really needs to start thinking about protecting his own best interest in a relationship. It's quite a desperate move really when you think about it.....they stop talking to you in an effort to make you reach out and give them attention(assuming they aren't ignoring you cos they want you out of their life of course). Some people could argue that it's a good test for a guy to step up and show how much he cares but I say B*llocks to that! If a woman goes all stealthy and silent on you then just do exactly the same back....turn the tables and make the test about her instead of allowing her to manipulate you into giving more than she is willing to give back at that precise moment in time.
Art_Critic Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 There is nothing more deafening than the sound of silence ! 2
Under The Radar Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 There is nothing more deafening than the sound of silence ! ^^^^^THIS^^^^^ Sometimes, silence is the loudest answer of all ...... Don't contact her.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Silence is the best if you can manage it. I prefer to angrily blast men with all their shortcomings 2
L1ght Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Silence is the best if you can manage it. I prefer to angrily blast men with all their shortcomings Until you change tactic and strategically pull the silent act on him that is. Can't say I've ever met a woman who always turned to communication instead of pulling the silent treatment in an effort to get things her own way. I doubt you would be the first on the planet to do so either.
Qactus Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Yeah just like others i would prefer SILENCE. I am doing the same.. Being Silent will make them wonder. And its good they should wonder. They deserve this treatment. 2
robbysurfs Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 (edited) My ex one day decided I was not worthy enough for a call either after I left her apt. and slept with her for the last time. You know what I did? I did not not call her either and ask why she didnt call back or beg this was the end of our relationship. Same type of woman hot and cold and was not to nice to me the whole relationship and very selfish. I am not saying she is a monster and i am not perfect either but she was very difficult and could be very cold at times. Its been 8 months or so maybe 9 I dont know and at times its hard. But truthfully as much as I miss her I also know there was that part of me that wanted to be free. Its not my job to wonder if the thinks about me anymore. Because I did not call her either I just let go the day she did too. Sooo many things go through my mind like what is she thinking and doing and why this or that. Truth be told its non of my business its not me vs her its me vs me at this point. I did go silent not to play a game I went silent for me to be free and to get over her I wanted to sever the ties. No disrespect my man but if you really want to end it go away in silence do it to go and heal not to play games. Edited December 12, 2013 by robbysurfs 2
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 guys i feel very tempted to send the ex this email "HI I KNOW YOU HAVE SENT ME SOME EMAILS SINCE THE DAY WE HAD THE ARGUMENT.. I HAVE NOT READY ANY ONE OF THEM, AS I AM NOT INTERESTED. I DON'T WANT TO BW WITH YOU ANYMORE...BYE grrrr so tempted to send her this.... but my gut is telling me, stay vanished, stay vanished don't give her anything... she treated you crap when you was together... so just vanish from her life!!!!
organizedchaos Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 guys i feel very tempted to send the ex this email "HI I KNOW YOU HAVE SENT ME SOME EMAILS SINCE THE DAY WE HAD THE ARGUMENT.. I HAVE NOT READY ANY ONE OF THEM, AS I AM NOT INTERESTED. I DON'T WANT TO BW WITH YOU ANYMORE...BYE grrrr so tempted to send her this.... but my gut is telling me, stay vanished, stay vanished don't give her anything... she treated you crap when you was together... so just vanish from her life!!!! Do not send that. No good will come of it. Your indifference and lack of response to her emails is way more powerful. 4
devastated777 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Trust me. I have broken NC twice now. I got nothing. Crickets chirping. Sucks. Do not send the email dude. seriously. Silence 1
theonlyjuan Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 After a few week my ex must have thought I was abducted off the earth. She made first contact when we saw each other out. I just kept it short. She sent me a message once and I replied with a very short answer but remained polite. I saw her at a party recently and she made first contact again. She knew a lot about what I had been up to, obviously FB stalked me a bit. I didn't do it to play games, I did it so I could move on. I have done so well and I am fully recovered. I still keep NC but I have no problem being civil when we see each other out. I know my silence gets to her a bit, she can't have it both ways. She can tell I have moved on and am happy. I think it has hurt her ego a bit. Stay NC for your own good! Let your ex worry about what you are up to and all that, just concentrate on yourself. The rest will take care of itself
carhill Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 my question is, is me going complete ghost on her from the day of the argument, up untill now, more powerfull that her ending it with an email? If you feel it is, and promotes well-being and moving on in life, then it is. IMO, breaking up isn't about power, it's about grieving an end to a loving relationship and moving on. No one 'wins' here. There are only levels of loss. Good luck.
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Please be strong and stay silent!! You have no idea how much this will help you. I'm moving out of my ex's this weekend (we've been living together) and I'm packing up my stuff while he is at work on Saturday. I'll be completely moved out by the time he gets home. And when he does and I'm not there, I think it will speak volumes to him how I just vanished like that. It's about gaining your power back. guys i feel very tempted to send the ex this email "HI I KNOW YOU HAVE SENT ME SOME EMAILS SINCE THE DAY WE HAD THE ARGUMENT.. I HAVE NOT READY ANY ONE OF THEM, AS I AM NOT INTERESTED. I DON'T WANT TO BW WITH YOU ANYMORE...BYE grrrr so tempted to send her this.... but my gut is telling me, stay vanished, stay vanished don't give her anything... she treated you crap when you was together... so just vanish from her life!!!!
Sososad Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Definitely do not send that Email. Don't take offence it doesn't sound good it's like others said It's showing your bothered or caring enough to write the email Which still took time and effort . It's over so why bother .... Let it go.... You may not feel it now but in time you will thank The people who gave the advice. Stay no contact !!! 1
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 She does not deserve to know how you feel. do you guys think i made a big mistake? should i had texted her on the day of the argument & just dumped her? did i make a mistake by totally vanishing instead???? did i give my power away??? this girl is very toxic & i know for a fact i need to get her out... at the time i thought, she does not even deserve a text from me & vanishing was the best idea... but now i feel different, like somehow i gave my power away
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