Confused18 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I need some advice. My partner and I have been together for 4 years I am 20 and he is 23. We have had our ups and downs but lately we just can not get along. The one thing I can't stand about him is how rude he can be sometimes, it's like he doesn't realise that you just can't say certain things to people, I know he gets this from his father and I have told him so many times that is is embarrassing but he can't help it. He also swears all the time even in front of my nephews who are 1 and 2 and they repeat it!! He has come from a small family where it is just him and his sister and I have a bigger family 4 brothers and sisters plus all their partners and kids and he doesn't like to do things with my family, we all went away ion a holiday and whenever we were all together he just sat in the bedroom by himself. Other than those 2 thinks we get along great, we like the same music have the same opinion on most things and can have a really good time together. We decided to breakup and now we are both miserable, he came over last night and begged me to take him back but I just don't know if he will change. Am I being unreasonable?? I know I love him soo much and I also know that I'm not perfect, I guess I just wanted to get an outside opinion. We both still live with our parents and I think we would get along a lot better if we lived together but we can't afford to move out yet. Sorry for the long thread!!! And Thankyou for any advice!!
theonlyjuan Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Can't change or won't make the effort? Some people are stuck in their ways. I swear a lot but I always watch my language around kids and other peoples families. As for being rude, I can't stand it. People who say " I am not rude, it's just how I am " You may as well say " I am a massive t##t " Some people really do lack social skills and manners. I really can't stand rude people! It doesn't take much for manners and being polite. If he is unwilling to change then I guess you made the right choice. Just my opinion
fixing Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Interesting... You say he gets his rudeness and bad behavour from his dad? Does that mean he has come from a troubled up bringing? Divorced parents maybe? No sense of family structure or family values? If all the above is correct it might make sense as to why he hides in his room around big family occasions because it makes him very uncomfortable. And his anger and negativity. So, maybe he needs a little help/therapy and learn some new social skills. With a little guidance he could benefit really well and change. If on the other hand he is just a spoilt, rude inconsiderate twat because he simply doesnt care then obviously you dont want that and you are doing the right thing to break up. If he is still begging you back you need to tell him firmly, either he changes his ****ty ways for good or he can take a hike.
Author Confused18 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 His parents are still together but they constantly fight mainly because of his sister, when she was a teen she went through a bad stage and was living on the streets and taking drugs. She is off the drugs now but she has bipolar and is constantly causing drama, she has 3 kids and his parents have pretty much raised them, they do not have a day without her kids being there and everyone is constantly fighting. He is very much stuck in his ways and because his dad is rude like him and he grew up with it I don't think he realises that it's wrong. I have been with him since I was 16, it's really hard to imagine my life without him but I guess if he won't change I have to try and move on.
fixing Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Wow, yeah it sounds pretty hectic. So, if you love him and could imagine staying with him if he changed his ways, than i guess its ultimatum time?? You tell him you are seriously considering ending it right now if he doesnt change. Unless of course, you just decided you will end it now. Just be realistic and honest to your self. If you believe he can change then go for it. Good luck and i wish you happiness in your decision. 1
spiderowl Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 It sounds like he's more impulsive than you, says things before thinking whether it would upset anyone. If he just thinks swearing is OK and you shouldn't fuss about it, then you have a disagreement about values. If he does it and can't seem to stop himself, it could be impulsivity. Either way, it can be hard to live with. Usually, if someone is impulsive in one way, they tend to be in other ways.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Confused18: I really wish this was about a slightly younger rogue kinda guy to whom you had merely taken a romantic fancy - then we could hope that even he might even realize that he needed to improve his ways to deserve and maintain the attention of an appealing young lady. Unfortunately that ship has already sailed, and he has had time to become further set in his ways, and that despite having had your love and companionship for all this time. I'm not about to say that he can't change... just that, I don't see enough incentive in his life to cause him to want to change. If this were a true/false test, we'd probably check the side that suggested that you leave him, but the problem is all that you've previously invested IN him, and your naturally not wanting to walk away from that (too). Tough call, but you already know that.
Recommended Posts