IndyAnna Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 My boyfriend and I are 22 and have been together for 3 years. We are best friends and have a wonderful relationship...except for the sex part. We started having sex over a year ago(he was a virgin) and have encountered several roadblocks along the way. Being a practicing christian, he felt guilty every time we did it. In turn, I felt guilty as well. We both agree that sex plays an important part in our relationship by bringing us closer spiritually. Yet, it still makes us break down into tears because of the guilt. His dream is to practice abstinence and get married-then have sex. Since its too late for that we tried to start over and abstain from eachother, which only lasts for a month at a time. This is tearing me up inside because I want him to be the best man he can be. I love that he wants God in his life and in our relationship and am totally supportive. Yet its putting a strain on our relationship. I'm tired of these quick fixes we try and fail at every time. How can a couple like us focus on abstinence when we are so used to being together? Thank you
Huntr777 Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Ahhh yes, religeon and sex. You know what I find absolutely hilarious? That people are supposed to feel "guilty" after pleasuring each other is nothing short of ridiculous. If you look through your bible, you will find lots of sex in there, including incest (Lot and his daughters got him drunk to "preserve their fathers seed"). Guilt for a normal urge is nothing to be ashamed of. Sex is an urge, the same as hunger, thirst, etc. Of course if you indulge in any urge too much is a bad thing, but if you and your partner are willing, I really don't see a problem with it. Hunter
GirlDown Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by Huntr777 Of course if you indulge in any urge too much is a bad thing, but if you and your partner are willing, I really don't see a problem with it. do you mean having too much sex with someone you love is wrong? why?
IndyAnna Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 What I mean by sex being "wrong" comes from his side. He thinks that if we marry, we will both be under god and be able to experience sex through god.(like a trinity) This all kind of freaked me out at first but I thought, "hey, im a woman, I should have no trouble with abstinence." Yet it is so hard! The longer we try abstaining, the sex that follows is so good. Even after 2 years, it gets better every time. I guess what Im looking for is a marriage proposal, because I dont want to put myself through this much stress if its not going to pan out in the end. I am not as religious as my partner, but I want to respect him so much. Its so hard because I feel more comfortable in a relationship with sex and he is opposite. Am I doing something wrong, or is he?
GirlDown Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by GirlDown do you mean having too much sex with someone you love is wrong? why? this was meant for hunter; i quoted him. i don't think you (indy anna) are doing anything wrong. sorry if you took it that way.
alphamale Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by Huntr777 Ahhh yes, religeon and sex. You know what I find absolutely hilarious? That people are supposed to feel "guilty" after pleasuring each other is nothing short of ridiculous. Guilt for a normal urge is nothing to be ashamed of. Sex is an urge, the same as hunger, thirst, etc. Of course if you indulge in any urge too much is a bad thing, but if you and your partner are willing, I really don't see a problem with it. You are essential correct HUNTR777, people who think sex is bad or dirty or feel guilty cause they do it are majorly f***ked up... what backward thinking. Sex is an urge like hunger and thirst. But one needs food and water to survive. One does not need sex to survive as an individual organism. This is where sex is different.
QsGirl Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 If you look at the Old Testament, sex happened and that was what got people married from Adam all the way to Moses. The Jews then still practiced prostitution (harlots), in the New Testament Jesus states that one woman and one man together, and that they could not put off one another (divorce) unless there was a sexual transgression. Traditions today show marriage to be a ceremonial service, in keeping with this tradition and avoiding extra hardships in marriage, pre-marital sex should not be practiced. So if you want to live by the Bible either get married or don't have sex.
Neptune Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I doubt there is any easy fix to this situation. It would be better if he would just have sex and assume that God knows him and accepts him as he is. But, he has to sort it out for himself. I hope it doesn`t take him as long as it took me.
Rickymoemoe Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 The simple fact is you should get married. The fact you don't proves that you both like to play with sin. Both of you are agreeing to commit this sin everytime you have sex, so the fact you want to abstain is mute. As respect to your Lord you should form that Union with each other "for it is better to marry then to burn" As of now you going to burn. Sex is good, sex is great, within the bonds of marriage it protects us from the temptations of satan.
lindya Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 The simple fact is you should get married. The fact you don't proves that you both like to play with sin. Both of you are agreeing to commit this sin everytime you have sex, so the fact you want to abstain is mute. As respect to your Lord you should form that Union with each other "for it is better to marry then to burn" As of now you going to burn. Sex is good, sex is great, within the bonds of marriage it protects us from the temptations of satan. There's a great scene in Annie Hall where Alvy and Annie are waiting in a cinema queue. A pseudo-intellectual behind them starts loudly and pompously droning on about Marshall McLuhan and dictating to his date how McLuhan's work should be interpreted. Alvy then has a fantasy scene where the real McLuhan appears and rails angrily against the pseudo-intellectual for failing to understand the true meaning of his work. I often think about that scene when I hear religious bores trying to drum fear and guilt into perfectly decent people who are struggling to make choices that feel right for them. Perhaps on the day of judgement, angels will swoop down angrily railing at the doom-mongerers... "You just didn't get it, did you?" Then maybe they'll kick them straight in to the burning hell they've spent their entire joyless existences trying to give other people nightmares about.
loveheart59 Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I know its a bit harsh but mainstream religions are so set in stone. I respect someone who follows their religion properly than someone who says they religious then has an abortion for example. Religion is based on fear in my opinion, so much sinning and badness this and that. I was going to go bk into Christianity but then I read a bible and I found out that if I lived in those days I would have been stoned for believing in astrology. Its funny that people make all these sacrifices and feel so guilty but have no proof that Christian god exists! What a waste of emotions! I believe in love so essentially as long as im not hurting anyone Im alright. Two people in love and respect for each other is a highly evolved state in my beliefs. The next step of sex is natural and filled with love for both partners so is therefore automatically blessed, whether married or not. What I believe in sounds cheesy but its a pretty simple way to live its more about having the best for yourself and surrounding yourself with people who have good energy and acting out of a high place, instead of pleasing a God who will send you down to hell if you dont follow what they say (bully). What you have with this guy sounds absolutely brilliant and you should be savouring the experiance:) . What type of God would make you feel this way when you havent essentially done anything wrong?
kitkat826 Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I agree that the only way to fix this problem is either get married or resolve your (including your bf here) issues about sex being a sin. I would reccommend that you go to a Christian relationship site to get other points of view as well. I'm sure there are thousands of other people in your shoes right now, and you can learn from their experience as well...though I'm guessing the general consensus will be that ya'll need to repent asap and get hitched.
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