letsplaygofish2 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I'm feeling kind of off today. I accidentally snooped on my ex's profile on OKCupid and saw that he wrote something about not wanting to date alpha business women types. That's me, I run two businesses but have been told that I am very warm and caring. I'm sitting here in a coffee shop right now and am wondering if there will ever be someone right for me. I enjoy emotional connections, deep down I wouldn't mind being a housewife with kids, but honestly I just want a man who is sensitive, successful, motivated and caring. But I don't want an alpha type who is going to make me feel like crap. Just a loving partner, you know? Someone like me. Anyway, feeling kind of defeated today. Is this part of the grieving phase?
Saurren Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Anytime after the bu is a grieving phase and snooping isn't helping your health at all. You're successful and hearing you wouldn't mind being a housewife tells that you are still young.
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 I know. I hadn't snooped in weeks, but I guess I was just feeling awful and decided to do it. So awful... I'm 36, going to be 37 next week. I really want kids and my eggs aren't getting any younger
pteromom Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Of course you can find a guy who will want you just as you are. But since time is a consideration for you, rather than sitting around snooping your ex, you need to be putting energy into dating. Join all the OLD sites you can - paid is better. Initiate conversation with any guys who you find intriguing. Go on as many dates as possible. Understand up front that most of the guys won't be compatible with you or there will be some "deal breaker". That's ok. This is about quantity - going out with as many guys as possible to increase the chance of you finding the right guy. You are successful in business, and you need to treat dating as a business. Use your motivation and skill to your advantage!
Saurren Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Maybe hit the dating scene again and that will get your mind off your ex. It's alright everyone has their weak moments. Your eggs will be just fine and if are really that worried just go find a donor.
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I lost two relationships because I was too "alpha" for the guys I dated. You can't change who you are but I have tried to tone it down in my personal life. Just because I'm the boss at work doesn't mean I have to be the boss at home. FWIW, I did hold out for a man who could handle me. As I explained to my husband he was the 1st man I met who was strong enough to let me be weak. YMMV
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 My last long-term relationship left me really vulnerable, but I was ready to date a year later. That's when I took dating really seriously and challenged myself to be a better person. Through that process, I learned about my strengths and weaknesses. I learned about myself and the type of person I wanted in my life. I realized that I loved being a bit more passive at home, letting the man lead. My most recent ex boyfriend was an awesome cook, he loved me greatly and also appreciated every single part of who I was. I mentioned he was unemployed, so I was able to teach him some things about business, but now he's gone and says he's "free to do whatever he wants" because my alpha-ness came across as too controlling. I suspect he was very insecure, deeply wounded as a child and had problems with self-confidence. I was always encouraging... willing to work on our issues together. But I was just too strong. But there was something about him that touched my heart, we both saw each other as potential long term partners. We wanted to have kids together, but he still left. I don't know, relationships are all about give and take.
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 As I explained to my husband he was the 1st man I met who was strong enough to let me be weak. YMMV That's beautiful. I'm so happy for you! 1
pteromom Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I was able to teach him some things about business, but now he's gone and says he's "free to do whatever he wants" because my alpha-ness came across as too controlling. You have to realize that the may tell himself that now that the relationship is over, as a way to convince himself he is better off without you, when in reality he was perfectly happy with your alpha-ness while in the relationship. Don't worry about him though. Just be the best you can be, and move forward. 1
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 You're right. Now that I've had a chance to breathe (despite the little anxiety attacks I'm getting), I'm seeing that he just convinced himself that he didn't want to deal with me. During our conversation last week, he confessed that what we had was "very real and great". I just don't get it.. why do guys run away? And yes, I know I need to move forward... just not quite ready to date yet. I'm still in love with him
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