jenn78 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I need some objective advice here please. So my ex and i having been hanging out the past couple months... at first it was just casual sex then I thought we were trying to rekindle our love. He told he didn't want to date me but said he wouldn't sleep with anyone while we were sleeping together. I was talking to another guy but said I wouldn't sleep with him until he and i ended things. We started hanging out more and more and started to revisit the being in a relationship idea again and then he told me he was moving away in January and that he didnt want to do long distance with me. But still kept the promise he wouldnt sleep with another girl. He went away for a weekend and ended up sleeping with another girl... (happened about 3 weeks ago) Meanwhile during those three weeks, we basically started dating again and were planning to do the long distance thing come january. However, I just found out he slept with the other girl on that weekend away. He told me the other night and I was mad to say the least and I feel extremely betrayed. Once he told me started crying and begging me to forgive him. For my Friends lovers this feels like the episode where ross & rachel were on a break... SO basically i'm torn at what to do here... part of me wants ditch him forever while part of me believes he is truly sorry and wont do it again... What do i do? Please tell me what your objective opinion is and if a similar thing has happened to you?
Zahara Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Well, just to note, Ross and Rachel weren't seeing each other when Ross slept with the copy girl while they were on a break. You both were sleeping and seeing each other and promised not to sleep with others, unfortunately he did. Technically this wasn't a second chance since you both didn't recommit to each other. You even stated it was casual sex and he didn't want to date you. I think he was having his cake and eating it too. He's moving in January and doesn't want to be LDR. Where does that leave you?
Author jenn78 Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 at that point a few weeks ago it was more than casual sex.. we were hanging out and doing things together other than sex. Yes we weren't committed but we promised we wouldnt sleep with other people, which is the promise he broke & the mistake he made. In the last week, before he told me, he says he realized he wanted to date me again and do long distance and make it work. He can't articulate what changed within himself that made him want to date again... so i'm making him think of that.
Zahara Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Hanging out and doing things together doesn't mean anything. It's common on LS -- women post -- but we were hanging out and doing things and we were cuddly and he was affectionate. It means nothing. All it means is two people just enjoying each other without the commitment. Well, at least he told you and was honest that he slept with others.
No Limit Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Never have sex with an ex. That's a golden rule. You weren't together, and promises you do while outside of a relationship are always lies. Personally I'd ditch him, not only because of his hypothetical betrayal, but also because during your "casual sex"-period he clearly denied any thought of coming back together. He didn't want you, because he already had you - or rather he got what he wanted to do with you. Now he's going to move away and suddenly wants a relationship over a distance, sure. How long until he meets a girl there? And how long after that until he texts you a happy life and farewell? I must admit I'm more of the strict, disciplined type. Betrayal is an absolute no-go on my chart and I've already seen how it works out, so I end it with a clean cut. Good luck, whatever you may decide to do.
Mondmellonw Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I never had sex, so I don't know. But I think that when it comes to intimacy, you have to share it with someone you can trust. With someone you know you have certain (important) level of commitment, and respect. So... You said it was basically "casual sex" at first. You weren't together. If you want to stay right there, the same situation might possibly happen again. I would probably say goodbye to him. But if you are really that confused, make things clear with him, make things serious. And don't be easy to fool/play with.
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