She came back. Feel obliged to tell the story here.

[dannyhirshaw]

So, after spending a lot of time reading through these forums. I saw a lot of comments saying how the number of second chances is under reported here because when people are happy they have no use for this site. So I told myself as I read those comments I would come back and tell my story if ever it was a successful one.

 

My long term girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me almost 3 months ago. Just 2 weeks ago she texted me asking how I was getting on. We had almost no contact for about 6 weeks. I said fine, everything was going good with me, and that I would be in her city in 10 days time. We said no more. Then I drunken text her telling her she shouldnt have text me as I felt put back a bit etc. After drunken texting we agreed to meet up while I was in her city. It was very weird seeing her.

 

After we met up, and I left to go back to my city. She contacted me crying saying she had made the most stupid mistake of her life breaking up with me. That she would never be as happy without me and all she wanted was me. She begged to come to my city and said she realises now all the answers are me. I'm taking it easy, even though there has been a lot of lovey messages exchanged. It is fairly obviously I'm calling the shots now.

 

She doesn't know it but I will be giving her another chance. Some people may say I'm a fool for trusting her again but she's a good person, and we all make mistakes. This was the only problem I ever had with her in 7 years.

 

A lot of people on this forum say hope is a bad thing etc, but to be honest I think the opposite. Hope gets you through the darkest days, even if it is false. It provides some comfort. If you are hopeless, your confidence etc will be down also. I would say keep the hope, if it is false hope it will just fade away naturally anyway as your eyes are opened to what else is out there. But it definitely is a form of soothing agent in the initial turmoil.

 

Some people will say 2.5 months isn't enough for her to be sure she has made a mistake etc. I have raised this to her, she has said she didn't even need those 2.5 months to realise. She missed me all the time. And she will never again hurt me for as long as she lives.

 

Also, this GIGS thing. Ya it's not an 'official diagnosis' or whatever. But it is definitely a good description of what happened in her case. I believe now there is such a thing as GIGS.

[organizedchaos]

So, after spending a lot of time reading through these forums. I saw a lot of comments saying how the number of second chances is under reported here because when people are happy they have no use for this site. So I told myself as I read those comments I would come back and tell my story if ever it was a successful one.

 

My long term girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me almost 3 months ago. Just 2 weeks ago she texted me asking how I was getting on. We had almost no contact for about 6 weeks. I said fine, everything was going good with me, and that I would be in her city in 10 days time. We said no more. Then I drunken text her telling her she shouldnt have text me as I felt put back a bit etc. After drunken texting we agreed to meet up while I was in her city. It was very weird seeing her.

 

After we met up, and I left to go back to my city. She contacted me crying saying she had made the most stupid mistake of her life breaking up with me. That she would never be as happy without me and all she wanted was me. She begged to come to my city and said she realises now all the answers are me. I'm taking it easy, even though there has been a lot of lovey messages exchanged. It is fairly obviously I'm calling the shots now.

 

She doesn't know it but I will be giving her another chance. Some people may say I'm a fool for trusting her again but she's a good person, and we all make mistakes. This was the only problem I ever had with her in 7 years.

 

A lot of people on this forum say hope is a bad thing etc, but to be honest I think the opposite. Hope gets you through the darkest days, even if it is false. It provides some comfort. If you are hopeless, your confidence etc will be down also. I would say keep the hope, if it is false hope it will just fade away naturally anyway as your eyes are opened to what else is out there. But it definitely is a form of soothing agent in the initial turmoil.

 

Some people will say 2.5 months isn't enough for her to be sure she has made a mistake etc. I have raised this to her, she has said she didn't even need those 2.5 months to realise. She missed me all the time. And she will never again hurt me for as long as she lives.

 

Also, this GIGS thing. Ya it's not an 'official diagnosis' or whatever. But it is definitely a good description of what happened in her case. I believe now there is such a thing as GIGS.

 

 

Good to read and I hope it all works out for you.

 

Did you go hard NC the entire time? Did you block her out of social media too?

[waytogo10]

You says GIGS..was she with someone else during that time? 7 years is a long time. I'm happy for you. Just proceed cautiously. We'd all like to be in your shoes.

[No Limit]

I have raised this to her, she has said she didn't even need those 2.5 months to realise. She missed me all the time. And she will never again hurt me for as long as she lives.

 

Those are just words though. Message us in a decade how things have been going since. Yes yes, I'm a pessimist. Good luck though.

[rec88]

My ex left me with gigs for a short time a long time ago. It was a relatively short break. She came back in a similar way as yours did, but I suspect it was just fear of losing what was comfortable, not a sudden realization of "Oh, this IS the person I belong with." Long story short, it resurfaced years later and now she's gone for good.

 

I bring this up because I want to encourage you to ask her the difficult questions. What made you leave? How do I know that you have resolved those issues (insecurity, curiosity, boredom, etc.)? Why should I be confident that this won't happen again? If she hasn't answered these questions for herself, then I'd say she hasn't put enough thought into it probably isn't ready to come back. Gigs is just immaturity, so be on the lookout for signs that she hasn't confronted her issues.

 

I'm all for second chances and I wish you the best. Just be sure that she has earned your trust before giving too much.

 

EDIT:

She contacted me crying saying she had made the most stupid mistake of her life breaking up with me. That she would never be as happy without me and all she wanted was me. She begged to come to my city and said she realises now all the answers are me.

 

This is all very flattering, but it's not an honest reason for returning. It's a reaction that comes from fear of losing you. That thought should scare her, but it shouldn't control her. Think of a child that runs away and quickly realizes "Oh sh**! I can't do this alone, I need my parents!" They will leave eventually, they're just not strong enough yet. There was similar psychology at play in my relationship.

Edited December 12, 2013 by rec88

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, you need to dig deeper here. You need her to come completely clean here. And I don't agree that hope is a good thing in regards to your ex. I 100 percent vehemently disagree with you on that.

[lylat333]

I don't agree that hope is a good thing in regards to your ex. I 100 percent vehemently disagree with you on that.

 

I think this is open for debate, but I'm actually with OP when he said:

 

Hope gets you through the darkest days, even if it is false. It provides some comfort. If you are hopeless, your confidence etc will be down also. I would say keep the hope, if it is false hope it will just fade away naturally anyway as your eyes are opened to what else is out there. But it definitely is a form of soothing agent in the initial turmoil.

 

Hope doesn't mean it has to come true. I credit hope for getting me through the darkest days. It really helped me stick it out to the 2 and 3 month NC milestones. It made me not stress so much over the current day and look forward. Those milestones passed, I still haven't heard from her, but at least I was able to keep my head above water.

 

I admit it still feels good to read stories about how an ex might have a change of heart. Even if it's too late to reconcile. I prefer to live believing anything could still happen even though I know well enough to truly not expect it and move on regardless.

 

But if someone finds hope is only causing them to feel disappointed, then I don't recommend it. I just know that if someone told me, "she's not coming back" it really didn't make me feel better or heal. Though you DO have to live as if they're not coming back. But trying to outright believe that sent me further into depression.

Edited December 12, 2013 by lylat333

[Mariposa10]

I think this is open for debate, but I'm actually with OP when he said:

 

 

 

Hope doesn't mean it has to come true. I credit hope for getting me through the darkest days. It really helped me stick it out to the 2 and 3 month NC milestones. It made me not stress so much over the current day and look forward. Those milestones passed, I still haven't heard from her, but at least I was able to keep my head above water.

 

I admit it still feels good to read stories about how an ex might have a change of heart. Even if it's too late to reconcile. I prefer to live believing anything could still happen even though I know well enough to truly not expect it and move on regardless.

 

But if someone finds hope is only causing them to feel disappointed, then I don't recommend it. I just know that if someone told me, "she's not coming back" it really didn't make me feel better or heal. Though you DO have to live as if they're not coming back. But trying to outright believe that sent me further into depression.

 

Yeah, I agree. Hope can work in some cases. A little bit of hope can get you through the darkest times when going through a breakup. And when I say hope I mean like "maybe in the future things will work out, but right now it's not the right timing" It can help you understand the breakup. There comes a time when you feel better and you can finally start letting go of that hope. Sounds like maybe more work, but it eases the pain a little bit...

[StyleOnEm]

Hope is a crutch to get you over the hump. Think of it as a bridge from being depressed about the breakup, to finally being able to move on. For me, at the early stages, I had hopes that at any minute she is going to text me and possibly initiate a return. That was my motivation to work on myself so that if she DID msg me, I'd be better off now than in the past. As time went on, the hope slowly started to fade and in that span, the feelings have subsided as well, making the breakup easier to move on from.