Drop great relationship to "sow wild oats"?

[dht1986]

I've been tossing myself back and forth lately about making a decision about a wonderful relationship I'm currently in. Just a little background about myself first --

 

I was an extremely "dorky" and awkward teeneager growing up. School was such a high priority in my life, that other aspects of my personal development (ie. dating, socializing) weren't really developed to the extent that they should have back then. In terms of relationships, I never so much as held a girl's hand until I was halfway through my senior year in college. It wasn't that I was a complete loner - I had friends - I just somehow was frustrated that I was never able to really open up to people and form really deep, sharing relationships. During my senior year in college a girl showed interest in me, and I took the advance right up considering how desperate I was at that point. The girl really wasn't attractive to me at all, but her personality fit with mine, and she was a willing body, and so I went ahead with all my "firsts" with her - at an age at which most of my peers were probably well experienced. What followed was a rather unhealthy 3 year relationship in which I still never was completely attracted to her, yet continued on to get the benefits of having a close, sharing partner.

 

This girl eventually broke up with me (thankfully from my side) and I was left single again last winter. I then really started to open up for the first time in my life - I dated many women, and even had a one night stand with a girl I met at a bar. This was a major show of confidence and daring from my side, considering the meek way I had conducted myself as a teenager.

 

In April I met a georgeous and intelligent woman, and quickly fell into a loving relationship with her. Right away, despite the joy of the relationship, I felt unsure whether I was making the right move in putting an end to the first single, swinging time of my life, but it just felt so good that I went along with it. We are going on eight months now, and in terms of the relationship, things just could not be better . We are physically and emotionally intimate extremely often. While the initial novelty of the relationship has worn off, we are as attached as ever -- making my current dilemma that much more difficult!

 

Basically my problem is that I feel that I have a rush of good times pent up inside of me that I was only starting to develop when I met my current girlfriend. The thrill of the "hunt" is facinating and wildly exciting for me, and often times when we're in a bar on a weekend night, I will look at the other pretty girls, and wish I could try my best moves on them. I'm curious about what sex with the other girls would be like, and wonder if I would still be challenged to put my best foot forth in terms of physical appearance and activities if I was still a player in the "game." My girlfriend has told me about her wild times in college, and says that she's done with that kind of lifestyle. From everything I've seen, she looks like she is at a point where she is done "exploring" and just is looking for stability. Somehow I feel like we're kinda at opposite points where she wants to slow down, and I'm thrilled at the possibility of "speeding up." She tells me over and over that she thinks I'm wonderful, and the fact that I didn't "explore" the same way she did makes no difference in how she feels for me, yet I still worry that if I don't use my mid-twenties now to "sow my wild oats" I will always regret it.

 

I've come to certain points where I thought - "OK, I have to tell her that I don't know if I want a committed relationship at this point", but every time I'm about to do this, we have an absolutely wonderful time together and I just can't bring myself to it. I wonder if I really need to end this wonderful relationship I'm in to satisfy my cravings, or whether doing so would be an act of incredible stupidty. I would lose a girl who is so close to my idea of perfection to chase potentially "greener" pastures on the other side. I could just as soon see myself going through the usual frustrations of being single, all the time regretting letting go of something that was so great.

 

Has anybody else been in this position ever in their lives? I feel like a jerk talking about my girlfriend like this -- she certainly doesn't deserve it considering how much she's meant to me- but its just something that was on my mind that I needed to discuss.

 

Thanks

[LucreziaBorgia]

Its good to see that you are honest with yourself in this situation. You need to be honest with her about it too. Tell her everything that you said here and that you want her to understand where you are in this situation. It will be painful to hear, I'm sure - but the relatively small pain at this point will be much, much more bearable than the huge pain that you both would suffer later by not being honest with her about it now. You never know, you may find that talking to her about it will help you overcome your fears about it - and you may come to the conclusion that you aren't so eager to sow your oats after all.

 

Then again, you may find that you honestly cannot commit now. Either way, you need to discuss it honestly and fully with your girlfriend.

[moimeme]

That oft-vaunted 'wild life' is not all it's cracked up to be, if you read accounts written by folks who have tried it. You're falling for the image the movies shows you.

 

What people who decide to go wandering in the grass on 'the other side' find is that it's full of weeds, burrs, and gopher holes.

 

There's nothing commendable about bedding a series of strangers. It's sordid at best and disease-inducing at worst. If you're lucky enough not to meet up with a stalker/wierdo. Of course, most of the movies don't show that bit.

 

Aren't there worthier ambitions in life than schtupping a series of strangers in pursuit of some supposed 'cool' image?

[Mr Spock]

If the relationship is so great why do you want to spread the seed, so to speak? And having a varied and interesting sexual history to draw on isn't cause for shame either.

[joeyNoelle]

If you end this now... embark on a series of wild experiences... believe me some will be good some strange and other not good at all. By the end of it however long it takes , a year or two whatever ... you will once again seek a stable realtionship and beleive me it is hard to find someone that you really get along with and that makes you happy.A lot of people in the world are seriously screwed up and its tough finding someone special when your average joe/ joette are below average in every way.

 

Saying that though , just the fact that you are looking around fantasisng about sex with other women isn't a good sign, this girl sounds wonderful and what you are going through now if purely an ego thing. There is no truth to sewing wild oats if you are with the right person yes that is probably because most ppl have been with enough skanks already to know when you are with someone of quality, but still.

 

I say you need to end things go out there and do your thing whatever that may be and just hope that once your done you will be lucky enough to find something and someone like her again.