Midwest Wtiter Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I'm on a break from a guy. We had a lot of fun, but the more we dated the more I believe he is an overgrown frat boy. He is 44, divorced 5 years and has his own house. He has a professional job but is incredibly cheap and doesn't want to pay a mortgage. So he brings in 23 and 27 year old roommates. He is hoping their friends will come over and party. He doesn't have a lot of friends. I think he drinks too much but he is proud when he "gets slammed." How slammed? In the past two months we were together he blacked out/passed out 5 times. Reminder: He is a 44 year old professional. His idea of a great night is getting wasted and dancing like a crazy person in some bar with a band. We rarely eat out on his dime. When he pays, it's bar food and beer. We once walked out of a restaurant when he saw the entrees were more than $13. He said he's always been cheap. I don't expect that will change. He likes to take road trips with his 22 year old son and his son's friends. Last month he literally got smashed and stayed in a frat house. Why do/did I date him? He is sweet, loving, fun and rarely confrontational. He said he missed out on all the fun because he married at 21 and became a parent too soon. Do guys like these ever mature? Does he just need 6 months of crazy dating and drinking to get it out of his system? Is it worthy even thinking about him? I'm 47, single 6 years and my kids, like his, are grown.
Eggplant Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I'd be a little leery of the heavy drinking. How does he treat you?
ken_25 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 He's 44 and you're asking if he's going to mature? Is him being cheap a problem for you? There are plenty of good guys out there who will love you, spend more than $15 on one plate of food, do not party hard and will treat you well. Do not settle.
Author Midwest Wtiter Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 He treats me well. Extremely affectionate, very loving. But the drinking is a bit much. A very happy drunk. One of those when he drinks too much wants to be friends with everyone in the bar. Probably it's worse because he'll ask me to drive so I will pretty much be sober (maybe one drink all night) and then I see how drunk he is because I'm sober. I'm ok with the cheapness or I would have left long ago. It's the partying and love of the frat boy lifestyle that irks me. I wanted to know if that part is just a stage. If he'll mature more. He's more interested in going out partying than staying in one night to straighten up his house. One a break now and I miss him terribly, but maybe I need to get out and date more.
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 This may be his way of coping with his divorce, sort of a misguided attempt to recapture his youth. Unfortunately, I don't foresee his alcohol consumption changing. Even if he switches to more grown up venues, he'll still probably drink more than you are comfortable with.
mortensorchid Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I ran into a male friend who got married last year, he and I barely know each other to begin with. I asked how married life is. He said "I have finally accepted the fact that I am a child, not to run and hide from things, and that's how it is". Coco Chanel said that once a woman figures out that all men are children then you will be happy. ' It's a party house and he doesn't want to grow up. Accept it or don't.
Elliotte Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Sounds like definitely a "I never got out and partied in my twenties" factor plus mid life crisis. At least, I would hope it's a phase, I'm 30 and I feel very old when around people in their early twenties. Not sure how he can stay oblivious of the fact that a man in his mid-40s partying with young twenty somethings is a sad sight.
yankees51988 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Most people grow up, but everyone is really still a kid a heart. Still for a 44 year old to be blacking out that frequently and crashing at frat houses is immature. Nothing wrong with the idea of a good night being drunk dancing to a band you like at a bar. That is fun as hell, and I love live music. However to drink the point of black out that frequently for someone of his age is very irresponsible. The cheap thing is also kind of weird for someone of his age. Even for an middle aged adult, going out drinking every weekend is acceptable, just don't drink so heavily to the point of blackout, that is just unnecessary.
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