johnapple Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 This may sound fairly stupid, but I've been dating this gorgeous girl who I have virtually everything in common with, and we recently had sex for the first time. I have developed strong feelings for her, but I can tell she is quite independent and I have no clue how to go from here. We don't really live near each other, so our communication has been mainly through text, calling, and emailing. For some reason I'm petrified of coming off as desperate and its leading me to withhold my communication and availability. However, I don't want to come off as cold or in the worse case ignoring her, so its put me in somewhat of an anxious spot. I just got out of a long term relationship, so my emotions are still fairly raw, and so I'm constantly fretting if I will mess up this up. Does anyone have any advice on how to continue from here? Does the fact that we had sex change the way my actions should be from this point going forward. As stupid as it sounds I'm somewhat afraid of even calling to schedule another date, as this could portray desperation as well. Boy I have some issues
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Breathe. Count your blessings. Keep dating her. Really, it's OK to call. I promise. 1
PegNosePete Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 She is probably feeling the same. Cal her up, say last night was awesome and you'd love to see her again how about friday night? 1
Author johnapple Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 She is probably feeling the same. Cal her up, say last night was awesome and you'd love to see her again how about friday night? Well to be honest I admit to playing the "game" up until this point. All the advice of "don't appear too available", "have her pursue you", "don't respond to her texts immediately", etc etc, while all good advice, has my head spinning. I feel as though I'm not even really being myself anymore. Funny enough I just read a post on here about someone concerned about emailing or calling....I somewhat have the same problem. We've had a few emails between each other talking about funny things, and some cool places to travel, so rather than breaking stride and calling her, would it be odd to ask her out again via email?
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I'm old school & think a call is the best way to ask for the date but do what feels most comfortable to you.
PegNosePete Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Well what does your "game" tell you about how to ask for a second date? A call is definitely 100% the best way to go. Don't do it by email or text. No no no. CALL.
Author johnapple Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 Well what does your "game" tell you about how to ask for a second date? A call is definitely 100% the best way to go. Don't do it by email or text. No no no. CALL. Well we're actually on our fifth date. I'll definitely call. I wonder if I should respond back to her email too? And I don't really know what the game says to do now. I wish I had a blueprint of what I should do next, as I keep second guessing myself. Part of it is how horrible I felt after the ending of my last LTR. The pain was almost unbearable and I think my brain is trying to avoid that at all costs, which is leading to quite a rocky progression.
Sappa Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I was playing "the game" before I met the girl I am with now and when started developing strong feelings for her I decided to take it slow and careful. That all ended after having sex with eachother for the first time. Afterwords she asked me "where are we?" it seemed blunt at the time but worked, I expressed my feelings and what I wanted from her and she did the same. If you're developing strong feelings for her the two worste possibilities are either she wants to take it slow, or you find out it isn't real before you get hurt. Best of luck.
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