Have I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend that ive had a theeesome in the past?

[Sarahk67]

Ok im 22 and my bf of (9 months) is 21. Just recently we got talking about threesomes and I told him I had one before with one of my best girl friends and a guy-I told him Iit was a drunken night that meant nothing. He admitted that he was surprised and I asked him in a good or bad way? He said neither :/ I dunno how to take that? Also he admitted that he believes you should only have sex with people you have feelings with which kinda makes me feel like crap :/ he did say hes not one to judge and that it's just his beliefs and that he's very traditional-will this effect our relationship? Should i have said anythingat all? I just told him coz I wanted him to know that it wouldn't work for us coz we have alot of feelings for each other and it could get messy but it backfired on me as he's not interested in having one :/

[regine_phalange]

Yeah, generally is a mistake sharing details of your sexual past -even if you have had only one ex boyfriend for 10 years- because then your partner will keep having visions of you two/three together....

[Iguanna]

I find there is NO reason for my bf to know about my ex sexual partners and for me to know his. I never tell him these things and I never ask things I don't want to know. Now he is with me and I am with him and that's enough. I hope now you know that you should not share these things with boyfriends.

[Leigh 87]

He's being judgmental.

 

He chose you after 9 months. Your sexual past should have no bearing over the person he thinks you really are; he got to know you properly thus far... Your past sexual dalliances do not change who have been to him...

[Sarahk67]

Ok I suppose he is being a bit judgemental but I really love him and have more feelings for him than ive ever had for any other guy! will this effect our relationship? :/ how can I fix it?

[stillafool]

You can't fix it because he already knows the truth about your sexual past. Just wait and see what he does. Has he changed since you told him? I'm a bit confused by your original post (maybe my brain isn't awake yet), were you saying you were telling him reasons the two of you can't be together? If so, why were you doing that if you wanted to be in a relationship with him?

[Sarahk67]

Well it was only last night we talked about it through text so was hard to get my point across. How it came around was we were sexting and he was talking about how hot it would be to have 6 of me sitting on him (crushing him is a total turn on for him btw) anyway I said was he hinting at including more girls and he said to quote "would it be something you're into? Coz being a lad and being honest it would be pretty frickin hot ;)" so I automatically assumed he was up for it so that's why I told him coz I wanted him to know that we have too many feelings for each other for it to work.....I told him that it would have to be done with people you don't have feelings for :/ but then he turned and said all that to me which just confused me and I instantly regretted telling him :/ I dunno if he has changed towards me tbh its too early to tell what signs should i be looking out for if he did change his opinion of me?

[stillafool]

If he treats you the same as he did before he's over it. He has not forgotten it but would be willing to move forward with you.

[PegNosePete]

we talked about it through text

Arghhh here's your mistake. "Talking" through text is rubbish. Have a proper conversation. 80% of inter-personal communication is non-verbal, so when you reduce it to 160 characters or less, you are missing out on virtually all of the information you wish to convey.

[Grumpybutfun]

Honestly- yes. It changed his view of who you are. Even though I had 2 threesomes way before meeting my very virginal wife, this is the one thing she can't process with who I am. She loves to hear about my past, which was adventurous, but she hates this.

I think my threesomes were pretty tame as they go, but she hates that I had them.

My best friend hates it that his really sweet wife had anal sex before him and every time he thinks of it is crazy with jealousy even though they have done this. It is always an adventure when talking about relationships.

Maybe sit down and talk about what you revealed and how he feels about it as this can open up how he views things in general.

Best,

G

 

p.s. It is important to disclose because our pasts give a bigger picture of who we are, but only after in a serious relationship.

Edited December 11, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[ken_25]

I don't believe you are forced to tell him that, however if he asks then you shouldn't lie or mislead him. He's 21, sometimes at that age people cannot handle another persons sexual history very well. He'll get over it, just don't hide details about it if he asks, he might pick up on that you're not being truthful and it will cause problems.

[Editbee]

In the future, try not to share too much information about your sexual partners esp not if a man is in his early 20's. At that age, they are mainly too concentrated on a woman's number while more than likely being on the high count themselves. Most are immature at that age.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Ok im 22 and my bf of (9 months) is 21. Just recently we got talking about threesomes and I told him I had one before with one of my best girl friends and a guy-I told him Iit was a drunken night that meant nothing. He admitted that he was surprised and I asked him in a good or bad way? He said neither :/ I dunno how to take that? Also he admitted that he believes you should only have sex with people you have feelings with which kinda makes me feel like crap :/ he did say hes not one to judge and that it's just his beliefs and that he's very traditional-will this effect our relationship? Should i have said anythingat all? I just told him coz I wanted him to know that it wouldn't work for us coz we have alot of feelings for each other and it could get messy but it backfired on me as he's not interested in having one :/

 

 

You are over-thinking this.

 

While it is generally wise to not gush about your sexual history, the "neither" response makes much more sense than you realize.

 

If you walked up to me, and told me you were "22"... and that you were "born in ________ month"... and that the last 4 digits of your credit card number were ####... and that you grew up in "________ city"...

 

... it would all be just new details about YOU... to someone who had believed you had lived in the same city/town all your life (for no reason)... and who had perceived you to be between age 20 and 24, but didn't have an exact sense for which birthday was next.

 

The core disclosure was probably fine... (yet, like anything, it adds definition, and "neither" could be a very true reflection of his feelings).

 

(though perhaps it is a tad 'exciting' for lots of guys to hear that you've participated in a threesome)

[Purepony]

I'm not surprised, if I were him that would be one of the reasons for me leaving, I would have left as soon as you text me using the word "cuz" or "coz'

[emva07]

what's done is done, I do think he was being somewhat judgmental but that doesn't mean that the relationship has taken a turn for the worse, it may just be how he feels, but it's not a deal breaker and he'll get over it.

 

If a guy really likes you he won't care and everything will go back to the way it was....if, however, his behavior changes towards you because of this or he starts rubbing it in your face during fights and degrading you, you know he is no good.

 

Don't ever feel bad for something you did in the past.

[Elliotte]

I am kinda shocked this dude is seeming judgmental and not seeing if you'd be open for a threesome with him as well. He asked you about it and he should be glad you told him the truth.