CalvinM Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Long story short, I met a lady off pof. She's 28, I'm 32. We've been seeing each other for almost a month and been on 4 dates. We both have pretty good jobs and a ton in common. Date number three we went for Thai and then watched a documentary at a smaller theatre downtown. I walked her to her car, gave her a quick kiss and she pulled me back in for a longer one and a nice hug. We talk every second day, mostly to share funny work related stories or to make plans for the next date. Neither of us are big texters. Date four was this past Saturday, I invited her over to my place for dinner and a movie (a romantic comedy, she chose). She barely ate any dinner and didn't want dessert, despite saying she loved Indian (I made buttered chicken with naan bread and rice).. I could hear her stomach rumbling while we watched the movie. We did the whole cuddly thing on my couch and even kissed a little, but I felt like her walls were up. I didn't bother asking her while she was there, but told her I'd like to see her again. That seemed to go well, she said "that would be great". We kissed good night, I told her to drive safe. I started reflecting on the date and sent her a quick text an hour later to see that she got home safe (the roads here have been pretty bad lately). She messaged back almost immediately saying she was home. I mentioned that she was a little tough to read and she admitted that she's been holding her cards close to her chest, that her ex cheated back in July and it blindsided her, so she's not quick to trust. I told her I had no issues taking it slow, that I liked her and was interested in seeing where things went, she said "me too". She told me she'd try to open up more soon, but that she needs a little more time. Then she told me I was free to see other people (something I'd not had any interest in up to that point). I sent her a quick text Monday afternoon suggesting a vegetarian restaurant close to downtown, but haven't heard from her, so I've made plans with two other women this week who asked me out while I was seeing this girl. I feel a bit odd about it, but don't want to put all my hope on this girl (even though I'm starting to have feelings), just incase it doesn't work out. Question is, was it wrong of me to ask her about her mood change on Saturday? I kept it light/didn't pry and even though she was vague, I tried to be understanding. Also, why would she offer up the idea of me seeing other people? Any light you can shed on this would be appreciated. I'm a bit rusty having been on the dating for about 8 months after a three year relationship.
PegNosePete Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 She told me she'd try to open up more soon, but that she needs a little more time. Then she told me I was free to see other people (something I'd not had any interest in up to that point). She said you're free to see other people just like that with no prior discussion? She is seeing other people and wants to make sure you're on the same page. Your best option is to go out with the other woman, have fun and see how it goes. She clearly only sees you as an option - don't make her a priority. 1
Author CalvinM Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 Thanks for your insight. The prior discussion was that she was new to the whole dating scene and she mentioned she was trying to keep busy with friends (she recently moved back to the area), but wasn't seeing anyone else. She said I was free to see other people though, since she wanted to take things slow and allow our dating habits to progress naturally. My initial thought was she was testing me to see if our pace was enough for me to want to see just her. I got the feeling that she was still finding it hard to trust given her exes infidelity and wasn't quite ready to open up yet completely. But in telling me that, she has opened herself up considerably.
PegNosePete Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 My initial thought was she was testing me to see if our pace was enough for me to want to see just her. Yeah possibly. But if you capitulate to this kind of game playing then it won't set a good precedent for the rest of the relationship. The best solution is still to go out with the other woman and see how it goes.
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 She probably froze up during the date at your house because despite saying she wanted to take it slow in that setting she may have been nervous that you were going to push for sex. If she told you to date other people, she may be doing that herself. On the flip side, this could all be some big "test". She wants to see how long you'll wait for her & whether you will be faithful even when you are not required to as a test of how much you like her. If she was burned in the past she probably assumes all men are lying jerks. I wouldn't play that game. Keep dating her & romancing her but go out with others if you fancy them. See what plays out best for you. It might not be her.
The_Face Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Like others have already said, I would still go out with other girls when the opportunity arises, if you are interested, of course. But I wouldn't completely rule out anything with this girl you are speaking of. I mean, she did also say she is interested in seeing where things go. You seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders. If you keep going at things the way you are, which is cool and collected, and patient, you never know, things may evolve with this girl. Don't push her in any one direction, just go with the flow. Things sound like they could go either way, at this point. Good luck to you, sir
Addison312 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Maybe she wasn't feeling well at your place and that's why she was standoffish. You said you heard her stomach making noises... Just a possibility. That's the worst at someone new's house! I definitely wouldn't rule her out. She will open up. You can't take it much slower than this though...it's already a turtle's pace!
Author CalvinM Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 She sent me a text tonight saying she was feeling overwhelmed with her new job (she just started last Monday) and readjusting to life in a new city (she recently moved back to her hometown after living on the East coast). We're going for coffee over the weekend to discuss things and make sure we're both on the same page before we proceed with the relationship.
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