firststeps Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Getting Colder by the minute My Mother-In-Law called me crying today, said she had a conversation with my STBXH and she was left devastated. She is digusted with his involvement with the OW and doesnt understand his behavior and actions. He told her that he was tried of fighting with me. Only thing we were fighting about was the OW! He said that he doesn't care about me and that lm in the way of his relationship/life. I need to get over it and move on. Mother-In-Law was left crying all afternoon. He is so cold to everyone that doesn't agree with his choices. Its crazy because it was only two weeks ago that he was saying how he missed me, that he's taken me for granted, that he was sorry for hurt he caused. It hurts like hell, to hear him say those words, and act so cold. We had such an amazing life till this 6 months ago when he was self obsessing about turning 42 and getting old (mid life crisis). He mets a woman who is bat **** crazy and thats it he walks away after 20 years. He has struggled with an addictive personality all his life and so does his OW. In our marriage, l was always the one to help guide him and our life in positive directions. We traveled to beautiful places together, we had an incredible bond, enjoyed dining out, being with friends, spending quality time watching a movie or tv show, we took pride in decorating our home, and the list goes on. I wasn't just good to him, l was great, and he a it all to hell. l supported him, l helped him beat addictions. He took pride in feeling good about himself and now he is involved with someone im worst position then him.
experiencethedevine Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Getting Colder by the minute My Mother-In-Law called me crying today, said she had a conversation with my STBXH and she was left devastated. She is digusted with his involvement with the OW and doesnt understand his behavior and actions. He told her that he was tried of fighting with me. Only thing we were fighting about was the OW! He said that he doesn't care about me and that lm in the way of his relationship/life. I need to get over it and move on. Mother-In-Law was left crying all afternoon. He is so cold to everyone that doesn't agree with his choices. Its crazy because it was only two weeks ago that he was saying how he missed me, that he's taken me for granted, that he was sorry for hurt he caused. It hurts like hell, to hear him say those words, and act so cold. We had such an amazing life till this 6 months ago when he was self obsessing about turning 42 and getting old (mid life crisis). He mets a woman who is bat **** crazy and thats it he walks away after 20 years. He has struggled with an addictive personality all his life and so does his OW. In our marriage, l was always the one to help guide him and our life in positive directions. We traveled to beautiful places together, we had an incredible bond, enjoyed dining out, being with friends, spending quality time watching a movie or tv show, we took pride in decorating our home, and the list goes on. I wasn't just good to him, l was great, and he a it all to hell. l supported him, l helped him beat addictions. He took pride in feeling good about himself and now he is involved with someone im worst position then him. I'm so sorry this has happened to you firsteps. It is so hard to understand when we have been dedicated to someone who turns out to have narcissistic tendencies. 1
tiredofitall2 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 You will have to kick him to the curve so that he goes with his OW. Let his fog wear out. It might take a few months, but unfortunately you cannot force him to stay. At that point he will likely come back to you. My opinion is you shouldn't take him back. But he will come back for sure. 1
DidHeDoItAgain Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I'm so.sorry. They really do turn into pod people.... 1
Raena Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Yeah... the whole "I'm tired of fighting with you" line. I hear that one all the time too... he's just tired of you questioning his inappropriate behavior. Kick his butt out, let him go to the OW and move on with your life. Let him wallow in his sorrows with her and when it doesn't work, don't be available for him to return to. 5
Author firststeps Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 He has been living between his OW's and his sisters house since Sept. Unfortunately l kept letting him come around to talk. He was waffling every time they were fighting and he gave me alot of hope. It only turned out that l was his back up plan and when things were good again with the OW then he would disappear. Your all right, its time to move on, there is nothing left but its so incredibly hard to move on and pick up the scattered pieces of my dreams, hopes and future that l pictured with us. l will never understand how he can easily move on and expect me and everyone to do the same. I hate the pain!
Author firststeps Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 l feel that the fog was starting to lift and then he got sucked in harder this time.
Spark1111 Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 l feel that the fog was starting to lift and then he got sucked in harder this time. That happens and will continue to happen as long as he can ping pong between you and her for soft landings. it is time to push him off the fence by wishing him and her happiness, going NC and moving on. Then he has no choice because the decision has been made for him. he is with her, period. had a friend who went through this for two years. ONLY when she got strong, changed the locks, stopped crying, stopped taking HIS calls, and started moving on did her fWS's flip-flopping finally end. Take yourself out of their triangle dynamic today! 3
Snowflower Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 That happens and will continue to happen as long as he can ping pong between you and her for soft landings. it is time to push him off the fence by wishing him and her happiness, going NC and moving on. Then he has no choice because the decision has been made for him. he is with her, period. had a friend who went through this for two years. ONLY when she got strong, changed the locks, stopped crying, stopped taking HIS calls, and started moving on did her fWS's flip-flopping finally end. Take yourself out of their triangle dynamic today! Yes, this^^^^please listen, firststeps. Take your dog out of the fight and it will stop this sick dynamic. If you want to save your marriage, this will be the best chance to do so. If you don't want to save your marriage or your H doesn't pull his head out fast enough, then you will be on your way to healing and moving forward. It's not easy to do this, I promise you that but it will be better for you in the long run. Also, please ask family members (your MIL) to refrain from using you as a shoulder to cry on. You are first in line for needing a shoulder to cry on because this happened firsthand, directly to you! ((hugs)) be tough. You can do this! 3
BetrayedH Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 What they said. Read those last two posts and keep reading them until they sink in. You deserve better. 1
Author firststeps Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Thank you all for the replies. l needed to hear this and will keep referencing your responses. Your powerful messages are giving me the strength l need. xo
waterwoman Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Good luck firststep. You are getting nothing but pain from this situation xx 1
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