We are on nc. Should i make her a CD though?

[Insanityisdoingsame]

My GF of 2 1/2 years and I are broken up. About 5 days ago we took a pregnancy test and its positive she is pregnant. We are 4 days NC now. For the full story on our messed up situation please read this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/447147-1-day-nc-pregnant-ex-gf

 

I am still very in love with her. Very scared because she wants to abort our unborn child and there is nothing I can do to stop this. I used to make her cd"s all the time. In fact my cd"s are the only ones she was. Its been a few months since I have made her a new cd. We connect very strongly on music level. I took her to EDC and we used to go to concerts all the time.

 

The last we spoke she broke NC, called me. Then after our conversation she texted me "Im glad we are doing NC. I feel sick whenever I talk to you or you text me"

 

Im like wtf is going on here, when she says those things it really breaks my An i wish she would stay NC....but i love this girl. I want to make a new cd soon. Should I make a extra copy and drop it off on her car so she can have and listen to it? Or do i maintain NC still even though I am madly in love with her and she has our unborn baby, and wants to abort .

[Simon Phoenix]

Making her a CD would be a horrible idea. Besides the pregnancy thing (if she initiates), you shouldn't be talking to her at all. She'll see the CD as you trying to manipulate her and you not respect the break up. Don't be that guy. No one likes that guy.

[JDPT]

Leave it be, she couldn't have made herself any clearer.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Not what I wanted to hear, but its what I needed to read. Guess NC until she contacts me. And if its never then so be it.

Edited December 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Abortion-related political rhetoric redacted

[BC1980]

This is a bad situation. Don't add making her a CD to the mix.

[Am4Real]

How old are you two?

[Insanityisdoingsame]

I mean, if she wants to abort the kid, that's her right. Let's not get into religion and abortion debates though -- has no place on this forum. People's beliefs are their beliefs.

 

Your right. Sorry Im not a religious person at all, nor did I intend on making this a religious debate. I guess what I was trying to say is , this cant be my fault can it ?Its all in her hands now if she wants to go through with this or not. I am trying to take responsibility, make money and grow up. I don't think its religiously wrong and Im not against it cause of religion or beliefs. Im just hurt and bothered cause its my sperm that contributed to the pregnancy and is suppose to be a special moment in a man/woman's life. And I am working so hard. But somehow she doesn't seam to give a f@&- .

[Insanityisdoingsame]

How old are you two?

 

I am 25, she is 21

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Making her a CD would be a horrible idea. Besides the pregnancy thing (if she initiates), you shouldn't be talking to her at all. She'll see the CD as you trying to manipulate her and you not respect the break up. Don't be that guy. No one likes that guy.

 

I dont wanna be that guy either. But I cant help but feel like this situation is different from others cases, cause of the baby. Its just really hard to stay calm , collected and resist. Ill keep trying NC though...

[Simon Phoenix]

I dont wanna be that guy either. But I cant help but feel like this situation is different from others cases, cause of the baby. Its just really hard to stay calm , collected and resist. Ill keep trying NC though...

 

It's not. If anything, the pregnancy is more reason not to make such a clumsy, ham-handed move. Would seem really inappropriate.

[Simon Phoenix]

Your right. Sorry Im not a religious person at all, nor did I intend on making this a religious debate. I guess what I was trying to say is , this cant be my fault can it ?Its all in her hands now if she wants to go through with this or not. I am trying to take responsibility, make money and grow up. I don't think its religiously wrong and Im not against it cause of religion or beliefs. Im just hurt and bothered cause its my sperm that contributed to the pregnancy and is suppose to be a special moment in a man/woman's life. And I am working so hard. But somehow she doesn't seam to give a f@&- .

 

I mean, it's not your call dude. Ultimately it's her body, her inconvenience, her life. If she doesn't feel like she's ready to take on that type of responsibility and isn't ready to add that element to whatever relationship you two will have in the future, then that's pretty much that. A child is a serious responsibility -- it's not a pawn to try to resuscitate a relationship or keep it together. You need to support what she wants to do and not pressure her in any way.

[Am4Real]

I’ve been skimming through the threads following your original post. I read your original b/u post as well.

 

Thank you for addressing the question about your ages.

 

You’re both young and besides being inexperienced in relationships inclusive of the good, the bad and the terrible sort-of-speak, a previous abortion, another unplanned pregnancy and a break up are being thrown on top of this and did you not mention dual bouts of mutual cheating!!

 

This is one he-l-l of a lot to handle for anyone, let alone a pregnant and hormonal changing young lady. And as for you, you just realized you’re a Father “to be” (again) after you were broken up already – not the best formula for a new family with an unplanned pregnancy let alone an unplanned pregnancy after a relationship has been terminated. Yowser!

 

I think it’s time for you to take a few long deep breaths.

 

Go ahead do it and let the encapsulated air out slowly, feeling your puffed chest return to its normal size. Keep doing that over and over again until you reach a stable point and bring about calm.

 

Once you’re there it’s time to bring calm into the situation.

 

The best way to bring calm for the situation right now is not stirring anything up, in other words respect her request and leave her be. Let the thought of her being a future Mother process within her; let her realize what is really happening, what help she will need, who fathered the baby and his role and so on. Simply let her process life and what is changing. And you need to do the same thing…

 

If she chooses to abort the fetus she will likely do it without telling you. [highlight]If you contact her she may become even more hostile [/highlight]with you; if she decides to keep the baby she is likely to contact you at some point but will likely only do that if she has calmed down and you have not been pestering her in any way.

 

I realize a pregnancy in your view changes everything, but in her view you two were broken up and getting pregnant by you because you were engaging in booty sex and she was participating is likely only aggravating the entire break up. Because frankly, pregnancy or not your situation was a break up before the impregnation of which none of it was addressed.

 

You were screwing her for selfish reasons post break up and she was participating for her own selfish reasons. She got knocked up. Period.

 

Leave her be for weeks or months…if she respects you as much as you do her, the best chance you have is her missing you because the situation is calm.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Am4real, I just want to humbly thank you oh so much for your sound advice and your ability to give me the most helpful( helping get over) reply I have ever gotten regarding my situation.

 

I am pretty much going to stay NC until she feels she is ready to talk to me. If that day ever comes. For now the only thing I can do is work on myself and save $ incase she does want to come around and take responsibility with me. I will not put any hope in this happening, but still gotta be prepared for anything.

 

Ive been feeling sad and one quote has been helping a lot.

 

"God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Oh no, she just texted me 2 min ago. A simple "How are things" , what do I do!?! This all feels like one big f"ed up game and I am sick of playing games. If I must play this game then my only goal is to win. And when i say win I mean save my unborn child and somehow get her to stop playing games with me.

 

What do I do now? Thank you everyone for your continued support.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Sorry if I seam like a b$);& for telling you guys right as this is happening, just don't want to make anymore mistakes doe.

[Simon Phoenix]

Oh no, she just texted me 2 min ago. A simple "How are things" , what do I do!?! This all feels like one big f"ed up game and I am sick of playing games. If I must play this game then my only goal is to win. And when i say win I mean save my unborn child and somehow get her to stop playing games with me.

 

What do I do now? Thank you everyone for your continued support.

 

Nothing. And stop trying to get her to "save the child". You have to back way the f--k off when it comes to that subject. Let her bring it up and say that you'll support whatever she thinks is best.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Right now i see 2 options...

 

1. Stay NC until she apologize for saying "she feels sick whenever she talks to me or I text her". Or until she says she wants to work things out. Cause if someone feels sick from talking or staying in contact with me then they can stay the heck out of my life. Why contact me for after that hurtful msg?

 

2. Respond, because everything is my fault. Cheated first, lost to temptation and hooked up post breakup, temporarily lost sight of my goals/ambition. So even if she is just using me to feel better its okay cause its all my fault and I owe her my life now. So I should reply so she doesn't get more sad, also because i would do anything for her. Including feeling pain for her benefit.

 

 

Idk this whole situation is messed. I need a smoke to release this tension and anxiety

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Nothing. And stop trying to get her to "save the child". You have to back way the f--k off when it comes to that subject. Let her bring it up and say that you'll support whatever she thinks is best.

 

Not trying to get her "save child" at this moment. I just don't know how she feels, if she is hurting, what to do. I put her feelings before my own. And right now she reached out to me. Hell she wouldn't be in this situation if she didn't hit me up post break up.

 

Post breakup I was just trying to hit the gym after work and she texted me on multiple occasions "come f&@$ my " and stupidly I instantly caved in . Now we are in this boat.

[RDawg]

Good grief!

 

I would seek legal advice on your rights regarding your unborn child.

Edited December 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

NC is a healing tool. It's supposed to help you get over the loss of a romantic relationship.

 

It has absolutely NO PLACE WHATSOEVER in your life when there is a CHILD INVOLVED! None. Zero. Nada. You don't get to cry & lick your wounds -- either of you. You have to do what is in the best interests of the child.

 

If you don't want her to abort your child, you need to talk to her every day in every way possible. Call her. Text her. E-mail her. Make her the CD mix you started this thread about. Get her parents involved. Get yours involved. Send her a freaking telegram but if you want this baby do not isolate her.

 

Do not have sex with her when you see her.

 

No I don't think any of that will fix your relationship with her because she's [a cheater] but if you are serious about being a parent, show her that with your actions. Make her understand that she has options, including giving the baby to you. In the end it's her decision, because it's her body but you need to grow up & start acting like a man if you are serious about wanting to be a father.

 

Yes NC can be a helpful tool but in your situation it's a disaster.

Edited December 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Nonconforming content redacted

[ponchsox]

Sure, send her a fruit plate while your at it.

[Am4Real]

Good morning!

 

I’m going to go back to my original comments and base this advice on two things:

 

1. You are both young (her 21; you 25) and generally inexperienced in relationships, let alone terminating one.
    
   
2. Following a break-up without proper healing, the two of you were engaging in “booty sex” for your own individual reasons and an unplanned pregnancy erupted. Besides the news of the pregnancy, you’re not over the break up and the pregnancy itself comes with different perspectives on the future of the fetus and is causing a secondary break-up. As I said “This is one he-l-l of a lot to handle for anyone, let alone a pregnant and hormonal changing young lady"

 

So before you go any further, re-read the above two bullets and understand you have two different issues at play. You already screwed up the first one by engaging in booty sex and not dealing with the break up. That screw up caused the second issue. The two of you continuing to play these roles will without doubt cause a third or even fourth issue. Do I really need to describe those to you as well? Hopefully not.

 

Because issue two, an unplanned pregnancy brings about a new life form and potentially a new life entering the world if she resists a second abortion from the two of you having already experienced an unplanned pregnancy and ensuing abortion are hardly worthy of learning any lessons from the first time around are you? Nope, you both continue to go through these cycles of love and hate, sex and no sex, pregnancy and abortion, together and not together, cheating and cheater.

 

All you’re doing now is asking this forum to promote you reuniting and continuing the cycle, yet you speak nothing of learning from this experience and certainly from the sounds of things your 21 year old EX GF who is now pregnant (again) has learned absolutely nothing.

 

Now that you read the “real words of your situation” from complete strangers on this forum does it not sound to you like there is not only trouble in the past, there is enormous trouble at play right now and certainly there will be trouble again in the future.

 

You two are simply too young, too inexperienced and frankly too mixed up to have a relationship albeit a child and a united family.

 

Leave her alone. She will swing back and forth many more times as her hormonal changes rip through her body right. She will miss you one minute, then look towards her womb and loathe you the next.

 

If you really care about her the way you say you do, you will leave her to figure things out and if she does and absolutely tells you so in person or a phone call and not some ridiculously immature TEXT message, you better hope it comes with the suggestion you both get to therapeutic counselling so that the road ahead can be mapped out accordingly with your professionally assessed maturity level.

 

 

 

 

Right now i see 2 options...

 

1. Stay NC until she apologize for saying "she feels sick whenever she talks to me or I text her". Or until she says she wants to work things out. Cause if someone feels sick from talking or staying in contact with me then they can stay the heck out of my life. Why contact me for after that hurtful msg?

 

2. Respond, because everything is my fault. Cheated first, lost to temptation and hooked up post breakup, temporarily lost sight of my goals/ambition. So even if she is just using me to feel better its okay cause its all my fault and I owe her my life now. So I should reply so she doesn't get more sad, also because i would do anything for her. Including feeling pain for her benefit.

 

 

Idk this whole situation is messed. I need a smoke to release this tension and anxiety

[RDawg]

A fruit platter?

 

Send her, and her parents a lawyers letter. And a fruit platter.

 

d0nnivain, thank you so much for bringing some sense to this thread.

Edited December 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Update***Moving forward from here***

 

Last night after she texted me twice I simply ignored her till I was Able to decide respond or not. Was not given enough time though, one hour later she calls me and I pick up. We talk w/e briefly and I try to be but fail , cold towards her because if I make her sick when we tAlk then why call me!?!? She still hasn't bothered to say sorry. She NEVER EVER says sorry for anything.

 

Our conversation was just 15 min. After the call she text me saying how I am not her bf and lots of crap has been bothering her but she doesn't need to tell me cause I'm not her bf. Okay...why text me then b---- .

 

Stupid me I say to her I still care about her just as much I did when we were together. She the. Take this chance to be her usual self (evil b----- ) and starts attacking my character.

 

Malicious things she texted last night when I didn't do anything :

 

1. Your a e tard

2. Let me get this through your deteriorated brain

3. Le and maria (my parents) should have raised u better

4. Your like a freaking toddler

 

All the insults and negative things she texting when in my reply all I said is how wrong I was. How I want to fix things. Blah blah blah blah. Why did I even waste my time. All she does is argue and act malicious. All i try to do is fix things.

 

Im starting to feel like its all a waste of time. Yeah I save our you know what. But my love for her is like a poison cAuse she is such a malicious evil b---- when I am trying hard . All she does is doubt and detract. I don't need this crap, regardless of our situation. Its never going to change. My mom ways told me to look at a girls mom because thats a good indictor how she will turn out to be. Well this girls mom is a huge b----. Idk if its cause she is from Vietnam or what, so are my parents, but they don't act that way. Her mom yells and screams every single day. She is so negative and just plain mean.

 

To end our text convo I said I was tired of her being a b----- to me when Im not doing anything to her. And to that she said " if you dont wanna deal with my b---- then block me"

 

 

I can block her right? Despite our situation? She can handle this on her own? Cause I don't need this crap in my life. Don't need negative energy, and someone being malicious anymore. I just want her out of my life now. This baby situation sucks though cause despite how she says I wasn't raised right. I feel I have the values to do the right things now. Idk guys

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Good grief!

 

I would seek legal advice on your rights regarding your unborn child.

 

Stop , this isn't about legal or whatever. I have a dick so I don't get to chose period.