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Quitting LS to really get over?

SerCay

By SerCay
in Coping

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

Posted
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I noticed that since my break up, I've been spending a lot of my time on LS, seeking for, giving, and receiving advice regarding my own break up, but also about other's.

 

Today I noticed how much my mind is lingering at my ex and our relationship, simply because I write about it all the time. When I dont write about my own, I am reminded of it anyway by reading somebody else's story.

 

So I thought to myself, how would it be if I just quit LS for the time being, until I really get over it. You know, they always say, get busy, get your mind of it? So how would it be if I quit LS and focus on other things 100%. Maybe LS is a form of hanging on to the past for me at the moment?

 

I wonder if any of you had the same thoughts

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SameOldFear Member

SameOldFear

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I think it makes sense. You should probably make a list of things to do instead of LS, though. That way you don't end up spending your time still thinking about it.

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Omei Established Member

Omei

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I think the same thing all the time.

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strive Established Member

strive

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I thought the same way at first, but then I started going out and having fun with friends and I find myself visiting LS less and less. I still come back though because I'm curious of how people are doing and also to give back because it has been a great help.

 

Now I use it as a gauge. I find that I tend to go to LS more when I feel lost/confused.

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

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Related: Browsing online dating profiles and failing more depressing than not looking for a girlfriend.

 

Then maybe you should quit those for a while? As in, same thing I'm thinking about quitting LS, you quit the dating sites?

L1ght Established Member

L1ght

Posted
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A place like LS is an essential tool for people who are trying to get through tough times like a break up that's just happened or other various personal issues and need a place to express themselves. For other people who have had the time to heal I think it's just a good place to express themselves a little more loosely or let off some steam instead of doing something stupid like contacting an ex.

From my personal perspective I find that the more I get my life back on track and focus on taking real life issues and relationships seriously again the less I feel I need to come here. These days I come here less and less.

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lookingforbalance Member

lookingforbalance

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I agree with OP, I think there becomes a point of diminishing returns, and it can be counterproductive if visited too often as time goes on. It can hold those thoughts and memories in your head for too long. I think that in the particular sub-forums that we follow, coping and break-up, there is only so much advice that can be given and followed, then it becomes redundant, just being told in different told in different stories, in different ways. Don't get me wrong, the advice is top-notch and very helpful, but at the end of the day it comes down to two simple philosophies: No Contact and Focus on Self.

Once you understand and begin how to use them in your own life, I think its best to ween yourself from all the stories so that you don't continue to "relate" your pain to those, and continue the thought cycle in your head.

That being said, I have come back on occasion when I am having a bad day to remind myself of the process and the hope of an awesome future post-ex.

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

Posted
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I agree with OP, I think there becomes a point of diminishing returns, and it can be counterproductive if visited too often as time goes on. It can hold those thoughts and memories in your head for too long. I think that in the particular sub-forums that we follow, coping and break-up, there is only so much advice that can be given and followed, then it becomes redundant, just being told in different told in different stories, in different ways. Don't get me wrong, the advice is top-notch and very helpful, but at the end of the day it comes down to two simple philosophies: No Contact and Focus on Self.

Once you understand and begin how to use them in your own life, I think its best to ween yourself from all the stories so that you don't continue to "relate" your pain to those, and continue the thought cycle in your head.

That being said, I have come back on occasion when I am having a bad day to remind myself of the process and the hope of an awesome future post-ex.

 

Yes this is what I mean!

 

Although I think like the poster before you said that for most people it is a place where they find comfort, I think for people with co-dependent and/or addictive, obsessive tendancies LS should be avoided after initial break-up pain.

 

I guess it's unneccessary to quit LS for a while if you have a normal way of processing things.

 

As I'm now familiar with my co-dependency, I immidiately recognised how I replaced my break-up pain by writing and venting everyday on LS. Eventually this will lead to pro-castinating. Pro-castinating to deal with the break-up I mean.

 

I wonder if any other personality traits have affected users on LS in this way..

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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I used to worry about being on here to much. I found that i came here less and less especially after recovering.

 

Recently ive been visiting more to give advise. However i dont view LS as something i need to quit. I visit when i feel like it but i dont need it. Cav

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RDawg Established Member

RDawg

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I agree and think I need to quit the shack for a bit. It feels like it's another way of staying connected to my failed relationship and thoughts of her.

 

It's kind of addictive in its own way.

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emi Established Member

emi

Posted
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i came here when i just got dumped. :D So this place is kinda like saved me. Even now when im starting to heal, i wont quit it because i would like to help people who are in great pain, like i was. Its very frustrating when you pour your heart out, have hundreds of view but no reply isnt it? So i would love to stay to help

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

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I agree and think I need to quit the shack for a bit. It feels like it's another way of staying connected to my failed relationship and thoughts of her.

 

It's kind of addictive in its own way.

 

Exactly my point! I'm one of those personalities myself. I get hooked and simply replace the failed relationship by lingering and talking about it here:o

 

Instead of getting up and really trying to forget and move on..

 

i came here when i just got dumped. :D So this place is kinda like saved me. Even now when im starting to heal, i wont quit it because i would like to help people who are in great pain, like i was. Its very frustrating when you pour your heart out, have hundreds of view but no reply isnt it? So i would love to stay to help

 

Oh I have had that, it's really frustrating I must say:(

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OptimistPrime Member

OptimistPrime

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Right now I feel that I need to come here a few times a week just to remind myself where I was and how far I've come along; and although I have some pain, it isn't nearly as bad as it once was. After my wife found out about my affair we separated; I spent three years hearing the sounds of my wife weeping in the other room when she wasn't even there - I was imagining it and nearly went bonkers. Luckily, I got counseling and learned to forgive myself which helped me move on.

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