2 Months and Still Lost

[NSS]

Hi everyone, first post but have been reading for a month or so now.

 

I had been with my beautiful girlfriend for 6 years and living together for 5 in different parts of the country so we were very close. I didn't always feel she was giving it her best effort and I guess things got into a routine. We both worked hard and although spent alot of time together we didnt talk enough. Due to my insecurities I sometimes doubted her love for me and this would come out sometimes when drunk- not physical or bullying or anything like that but just suggesting she didnt love me and didnt pay me enough attention. Around 6 months ago a 'morning after' I had said I deserved more she said she loves me as a best friend but not in love with me. She cant give me what I need??? We talked and she agreed she wanted to make it work. We made more time for each other, both made a real effort and were genuinely happier together and no more arguments or anything occurred.

 

8 weeks ago I returned home and she had been crying. I knew what she was going to say. She moved out that week and we have had no contact apart from arranging house stuff etc over email. I haven't pestered her with texts or calls. and want to give he space.

 

I know she did love me even when I felt she didn't, she is just very independent and not needy at all. We talked about marriage kids and a house together not too long ago.

 

I am still so lost upset and lonely. I fear the dark evenings alone and miss every part of her it is killing me. I am still not sleeping. I check facebook but nothing new is ever posted. I see friends but fear going home alone.

 

I want her back so much but remain so confused and fear a future without her.

 

I feel I have lost everything!! How can somebody i have woken up to every day for so long just not care about me and throw everything away??

 

Should I call her?

 

Sorry for the long winded story but it helps to write it.

 

Nss

[mtnbiker3000]

Sorry for your loss. The answer is... there is no easy answer. This is a sucky situation that you simply must grind through. I suggest NC and do your best to move on. Spend some time grieving, mourning and reflecting and STAY AWAY from FB. Place every, and I mean every reminder of her in a closet. This will not be easy, but you can do it. Seek support from anywhere and everywhere, including here... Good luck.

[ponchsox]

Sorry for your loss. The answer is... there is no easy answer. This is a sucky situation that you simply must grind through. I suggest NC and do your best to move on. Spend some time grieving, mourning and reflecting and STAY AWAY from FB. Place every, and I mean every reminder of her in a closet. This will not be easy, but you can do it. Seek support from anywhere and everywhere, including here... Good luck.

 

Solid advice. It's going to suck for a while and there's no way around it. But you can heal and recover MUCH faster by going strict NC and that includes Facebook. Anytime you have the urge to break NC, please post here first. Breaking NC will set you back to day one and you don't deserve to relive that pain.

[NSS]

Thanks guys i appreciate the support. What a rubbish time of year to be feeling like this. My worry is if I don't contact her then she will forget me and think I don't care. What if she thinks she has made a mistake but thinks I have moved on and wouldn't have her back? Unlikely i know but still have that hope. She has always been a caring and sensitive person

[MoveAlong]

NSS. I have had the same thoughts and fears. But at a certain point, a girl who has been with you for so long knows how you will and do feel. She'll come back if she wants to. Everyone remembers the past...those things never go away. Just hang on and work on bettering yourself. It's the only thing we can control.

[mtnbiker3000]

My worry is if I don't contact her then she will forget me and think I don't care. What if she thinks she has made a mistake but thinks I have moved on and wouldn't have her back? Unlikely i know but still have that hope. She has always been a caring and sensitive person

 

This is destructive thinking AND nothing could be further from reality. I know it sucks to have the one person who you would never think capable of such an act be so cold and callous.

 

Honestly, the best thing you can do for yourself is to completely forget about her and what she MIGHT be thinking. Stay NC no matter what and recover and heal. That's all you can do...

[RDawg]

Man that sucks. 6 years is a long time.

 

I would say that before you go no contact make sure she knows your true feelings and how badly you would like a last chance to make it work - that's if you didn't make this quite clear to her when she broke up with you. That's pretty much all you can do.

 

People fall out of love, people decide you're not the one, and there is nothing you can do.

 

Personally I'd rather not be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love me just as much as I love them.

[KelC411]

Hi everyone, first post but have been reading for a month or so now.

 

I had been with my beautiful girlfriend for 6 years and living together for 5 in different parts of the country so we were very close. I didn't always feel she was giving it her best effort and I guess things got into a routine. We both worked hard and although spent alot of time together we didnt talk enough. Due to my insecurities I sometimes doubted her love for me and this would come out sometimes when drunk- not physical or bullying or anything like that but just suggesting she didnt love me and didnt pay me enough attention. Around 6 months ago a 'morning after' I had said I deserved more she said she loves me as a best friend but not in love with me. She cant give me what I need??? We talked and she agreed she wanted to make it work. We made more time for each other, both made a real effort and were genuinely happier together and no more arguments or anything occurred.

 

8 weeks ago I returned home and she had been crying. I knew what she was going to say. She moved out that week and we have had no contact apart from arranging house stuff etc over email. I haven't pestered her with texts or calls. and want to give he space.

 

I know she did love me even when I felt she didn't, she is just very independent and not needy at all. We talked about marriage kids and a house together not too long ago.

 

I am still so lost upset and lonely. I fear the dark evenings alone and miss every part of her it is killing me. I am still not sleeping. I check facebook but nothing new is ever posted. I see friends but fear going home alone.

 

I want her back so much but remain so confused and fear a future without her.

 

I feel I have lost everything!! How can somebody i have woken up to every day for so long just not care about me and throw everything away??

 

Should I call her?

 

Sorry for the long winded story but it helps to write it.

 

Nss

 

Sorry that this happened to you. I feel ya. My ex and I were also in a routine but I certainly loved him and thought we would make it. I know how you are hurting and how tempting it is to call. I made that mistake though, and getting "closure," didnt make it any better. In fact he said some hurtful things that made it worse. So, like others said, go NC, stay off of social media, and try to do things for yourself. It still hurts like hell but it will help you start to get better.