ksol9 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) My bf and I have been dating for 2 years. It has been rough. Through our ups and downs, I have stuck by him. I love him unconditionally. He's pretty much put me through hell and back and if I were someone else, I would have left high and dry long ago. He has accused me of cheating throughout our relationship. He was possessive and very controlling. I became accustomed to that way of life. Our most recent fight resulted in me leaving our home. Upon leaving, he would call me everyday to curse at me and express his anger. Then he said he started abusing pain pills. He tried to say it was because of me leaving. I assume this was to make me feel guilty. Then when that didn't work, within a few days he told me he activated an online dating profile he had before meeting me. He met someone 2 weeks ago and has apparantly been speaking with her regularly. He calls me almost everyday. The conversation almost always leads to an argument. He will talk about how happy he is. He says she is the reason he is sober, she is the reason he has turned his life around and is happy. He will say things like, I am going to marry this girl in 2 months (mind you he met her online 2 weeks ago and hasn't met her in person yet), she is more kind and caring than you, she loves me, she cries for me....ect. I mean the most outlandish things you can imagine. I basically sit there and listen in disbelief because I cannot seem to fathom that this girl could possibly be so much in love with someone she hasnt even met in person. My better judgment tells me that if he is so happy with his new relationship, he would not be calling me to rub it in my face. This does massive harm to me emotionally. Although I try not to show it. I don't initiate any contact with him because I feel foolish contacting my ex who constantly talks about his new relationship being a godsend. While he says all of these things he always says he loves me. It's like he is playing a game. Everytime he calls, I think this is the last time. I feel like what could he possibly call me for again. It's like I keep trying to pick myself up emotionally and he calls again and beats me with a baseball bat. Every last person in my life has told me this is not the end of him. He will continue to call and harass me to gain back control. It seems as if he keeps pulling tricks out of his hat. Deep in my heart, I wish this would all turn around and we would continue our relationship, but it doesn't appear to be the case. I am so confused. I don't know why he is doing this. I still hold on to hope and that is why I keep communicating with him. I've told him over and over that we can fix this. Let's fix this, yet he results to this. I don't get it. If he was really doing all of this to get me to come back, why in the world wouldn't he do what he has always done before when I left. He used to drive me crazy until I came back. He would call, beg, make promises. This time, it's like I've been discarded, but not really discarded. Why the daily calls? Why tell me you love me and about us getting back together then talk about your perfect online relationship? Am I being naive? What am I missing? Please help. Edited December 10, 2013 by ksol9
petall Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 You've told him you want to fix things, his actions don't echo the same sentiment. He is emotionally abusing you. Don't retain any contact. He's not doing anything except putting you down, don't stand for anymore of his nonsense. Tell him your terms and then go silent until he complies with them. If he prefers his online girl, so be it but tell him to leave you alone and don't bother you anymore. You must do your own part - no more entertaining him. 2
Author ksol9 Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 (edited) You've told him you want to fix things, his actions don't echo the same sentiment. He is emotionally abusing you. Don't retain any contact. He's not doing anything except putting you down, don't stand for anymore of his nonsense. Tell him your terms and then go silent until he complies with them. If he prefers his online girl, so be it but tell him to leave you alone and don't bother you anymore. You must do your own part - no more entertaining him. Thank you petall. I know you are right. I keep entertaining him. I have been on an emotional rollar coaster for the past 2 weeks and it hasn't been easy. I'm not eating or sleeping. This is just draining me. He will talk as though we are going to get back together. He'll ask if I've been seeing anyone and if I've been intimate with anyone. Then he'll start talking about this girl. Comparing us. It just goes in circles. It's almost as if he is confused. Or maybe he just wants me to hold on. Regardless, I know you're right. I need to have more self-worth. All the self-worth he stole from me, I must regain it now more than ever. I am weak and vunerable. I want so much for our relationship to work, but it's like we are stuck at a standstill. I tried not speaking to him for a few days and on the third day he calls and says he loves me and wants to get back together. The next day, he's back to the same games. I will try again and make things clear to him this time around. I guess my biggest question is WHY? Thanks again for your response. Edited December 11, 2013 by ksol9
treeolife Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Thank you petall. I know you are right. I keep entertaining him. I have been on an emotional rollar coaster for the past 2 weeks and it hasn't been easy. I'm not eating or sleeping. This is just draining me. He will talk as though we are going to get back together. He'll ask if I've been seeing anyone and if I've been intimate with anyone. Then he'll start talking about this girl. Comparing us. It just goes in circles. It's almost as if he is confused. Or maybe he just wants me to hold on. Regardless, I know you're right. I need to have more self-worth. All the self-worth he stole from me, I must regain it now more than ever. I am weak and vunerable. I want so much for our relationship to work, but it's like we are stuck at a standstill. I tried not speaking to him for a few days and on the third day he calls and says he loves me and wants to get back together. The next day, he's back to the same games. I will try again and make things clear to him this time around. I guess my biggest question is WHY? Thanks again for your response. The first think that I thought of when reading about the abuse he has been dealing out daily is that he is insane, or mentally unstable. A man should never treat u in that childish, cruel way! He is definately not worth ur time or tears. Be strong! Don't let him ruin anymore of ur days. We only have so many. Enjoy ur life and leave anyone who brings you down OUT OF IT. Really, block his number and avoid him. Meet a new guy that will actually love you and treat u kindly. Get out of the house and flirt with some hotties. 2
Author ksol9 Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 The first think that I thought of when reading about the abuse he has been dealing out daily is that he is insane, or mentally unstable. A man should never treat u in that childish, cruel way! He is definately not worth ur time or tears. Be strong! Don't let him ruin anymore of ur days. We only have so many. Enjoy ur life and leave anyone who brings you down OUT OF IT. Really, block his number and avoid him. Meet a new guy that will actually love you and treat u kindly. Get out of the house and flirt with some hotties. You're very right. I'm pretty much a shell of what I used to be. I am very broken inside. The time I spent with this man drained the life out of me and now that this has happened it's like he wants to suck whatever is left out of me. I do not think rationally. I'm in a daze when it comes to making logical decisions. This is by far the strangest thing I have ever experienced in my entire life.
treeolife Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 You're very right. I'm pretty much a shell of what I used to be. I am very broken inside. The time I spent with this man drained the life out of me and now that this has happened it's like he wants to suck whatever is left out of me. I do not think rationally. I'm in a daze when it comes to making logical decisions. This is by far the strangest thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. Ugh how horrible. Please forget him and spend more time with ur friends. Get a puppy and be happy! (Puppies and kittens are always the answer) Make lemonade out of lemons. You are.now stronger than u were before having gone thru all this. Listen to that Kelly Clarkson song, Stronger. (One of my favs)
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