K100dssm Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I broke up with my girlfriend (ex) after we started to drift apart a couple of months ago, we broke up around 4 weeks ago and i was feeling ok about it, I don't mean it didn't bother me to do it it really did, she is a lovely girl, still very attracted to her and we didn't really fight or argue. There was no cheating or disrespect but i think we both felt a bit down in the relationship. Basically I have an anxiety disorder (the severity goes up and down), i own my own company which is quite stressful in itself and i was working very hard for the first few months of our relationship but we were still seeing each other quite a lot, going out to dinners ect and spending quite a bit of time together, around 6 months ago i started having panic atacks again which prevented me from being as productive at work, started me worrying and in the end made me depressed, I was spending more and more time alone and i was worried how it was affecting her being with someone like me. I new she wanted more and to spend more time together and get closer which i did too but when i am suffering with GAD and panic attacks and it is really bad i become very self involved and all i can focus on is my bad anxiety. She was very caring and tried to help as much as she could and also tried to understand what i was going through, she was very sympathetic but i thought she was also frustrated which is understandable. we hadn't been sleeping in the same bed together for a few months because i worried about having panic attcks in front of her (i somtimes wake in the night having them) I know this was really getting her down and it was me too, imagine the feeling of having to say goodbye to your girlfriend at the end of the night. I felt VERY guilty about the things she had to put up with in the relationship and this also put a lot of strain on me as all i wanted was to feel better again but it was putting me understress, it wasn't her it was me doing it to myself instead of relaxing and allowing myself time to get better which is easier said then done. anyway a few weeks ago she had gone out for an evening with her friends (i kne she had been down lately) and she text me late in the night probably on her way home saying she was upset and could i call her in the morning. she admitted that it was the relationship that was partly making her feel down, not that she was unhappy but wanted to be closer and to spend more time together. I took this time to end it, and maybe i did use her revelation as a way out because it was putting pressure on me too. I do genuinely love this girl and it has gotten harder the longer we have been broken up, mainly as we kept in touch for a while and it got less and now i feel she is indifferent to it, she was really upset when it happened and wanted up to try and get back together. I told her i didn't do this because i don't love her anymore but just because i couldn't tell her when i would feel well again, and i felt guilty for this and i thought she deserved more (i genuinely do) I'm really starting to think i have made the wrong decision, she gave me plenty of oppertunity to try and take this back but i didn't. I havent told her i am feeling this way because i think unless i can say 100% i want this to work and i'd like to try again it is not fair on her to get half hearted I miss you from me. I don't know if i'm feeling this way from the depression or it's just a standard part of the break up process. I'm not really looking for advice as much as i had to write this. I do genuinely love her and want what is best for her and if she can have something better with someone else i would want that for her. I would hate for it to end year down the line and her to resent me for the time we were together.
Omei Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 (edited) Sounds like she really loves you and you gave up on her because of your own fears, I feel bad for her, will the next girl stand by you and your issues as she did? Idk everything but to me you threw something good away out of fear...if she was willing to go through it all with you why are you not willing too? And the whole I caused so much issue she deserves better....do you really think you did her a favor? She wanted you, you took it away. Edited December 11, 2013 by Omei
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