RideOrDieChick Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I have been with my ldr boyfriend for a year and four months now. Recently, I have been planning to spend three weeks with him this month but the trip was cancelled. Why? Well I did go to see him once back in may but that was our first meeting and I only stayed for three days. I didn't tell my parents I was going or anything I just packes up and left. I didnt think I had to since I was away in college anyways. Well, this time, I decided to tell them that I was going to spend three weeks with him. They were skeptical at first but I assures them that I have met him amd his parents before and they are very nice folks. Ok so it was decided that I was goin but my mother wanted to have a conversation with his parents anyways. My dad made the call and they talked. I thought that was it. But no! Right before im supposed to leave for the trip, my parent realized that this **** was real and they told me they wanna meet jis parents face to face before I can visit him again. They let me know that after the meeting I can come and go as I please but I was pissed that they were not satisfied with the previous phone call. Like really? My boyfriend and i had been planning this trip for months and I told my parents about it some time in October. My brother, who was supposed to give me a ride refusee to drive me to the airport and stuff so I was stuck since the airport is two hours away. I texted my boyriend to let him know what happened (he was asleep) and then called the airline to cancel. I was relieved when they let me know that I have up to a year to use the ticket credit so all was not lost. When I woke up the next day, I had like 12 msgs from my bf. I didmt look at them I just called him right away. He did sound sad and kinda like he'd been crying but I didnt ask about it, I never do anyways. Well, he told me he hoped I was kidding but I was not. The trip really was a no go. He , made sure I was ok and left. Well, I was not ok, I had a massive headache from crying , out. Next, I read his msgs and one of them said that as of today he is single. I called him back and he apologized, saying that he let his emotions get to him. Later on that day, he got all pissed, and i have to add that he's the cakm type and he never cusses, not even for jokes but this time he did but i still held my ground and didnt. I let him loose. He said that this was too complicated, he waisted his money to buy he ticket and so on...he further suggested that we see other people. I lost it and started crying and tried to reassure him that it will be ok but he wudnt listen he says he is single, he keeps on telling me good luck and stuff but he would not hang up. Obviously he was not ready to let go. 3hrs later, after going back and forth with break up speeches, I asked him if that's really what he wants and he says no. He told me that we will still be together and then he demanded to speak to my father. I said no because he was too emotional and I didn't want him cussing at him too. That would only make it worse. Then, I talked to his mom, let her know what happened and she told me that they will come and assured me that she will talk some sense into him. When he got back on the phone, he declared that if I don't let him speak to my father then I should never talk to him again. That's just ridiculous, I mean, I was not about to let him disrespect my father but also, I didn't wanna lose him. What's a girl to do? I prayed for a miracle and God did listen. When my dad came over to pick me up foe dinner at his house, my phone died in he car and I wasn't able to charge it until I got home around 10ish. I called him, and by that time, I could tell hat his mom had already spoken to him cuz he was calm, but I did get a cold shoulder. He asked me to do skype and after he saw me, he let me know that we wont talk for ther rest of the week. We will talk next week. I texted him good night and tty next week. He did not say good night back, but instead, he said no texting either. I asked him to at least say good night but he texted back the same thing. All that happened yesterday and this morning this is the text I got frim him Idk I can't deal with you right now so for now we will just talk once a week I think just for tjis month and maybe the next. Btw it's snowing a little bit I live in Florida and I've never seen snow in real life I guess that's why he added that. Also, I always ask if it's snowing over there, except this time I didn't. Anyways, after all this, idk what to do or what to think. He is the kind of person who shuts me out when he's mad and then explains later. He believes that's what a man should do instead of ranting, but his way of coping gets in my last nerves cuz I hate neing ignored, and if he doesn't ignore me, he's just plain cold and he gives , one word amswer, which makes it possivle to have a decent conversation. But I love him to death so I deal with it and I guess it bothers me more cuz I'm the exact opposite; I get over things rather quickly cuz life is too short to let emotions get to you. But what do I do this time? Should I ignore him or try to talk cuz im confused. Mainly because sometimes, im the one who calms him down and get him happy again. But, other times, I loose it and threaten to give up on him and that makes it worse. This time, I have no idea if he really wants to cope alone or needs me to get over it.
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 How old are you? What are your cultural norms regarding parental involvement in relationships? On some level you are right to honor your parents' wishes & you are absolutely right not to allow your BF to disrespect your parents. It's ridiculous to think that you will stop speaking to your parents forever because they are looking out for your best interests. If you can support yourself, independently from your parents by putting a room over your head, buying groceries & plane tickets you can come & go as you please. It appears you don't have the resources to even get yourself to the airport without help from your family so you probably should listen to your folks. If your BF doesn't have your best interests at heart this relationship may not be all you dream it is. Hopefully his mother will be able to calm him down & your parents can all meet soon so you can reschedule your visit. Keep the lines of communication open on all fronts.
Author RideOrDieChick Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Btw if this is not over, we won't be able to see each other until next year cuz his parents can't come right now for they have other plans and my parents said I cant visit until they come. I really think that's b.s he's 20 and I'm 19
Author RideOrDieChick Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 d0nnivain, im Haitian and he is American Im my culture, the face to face paremt meetin is a must and if it doesn't happen, they will feel like they are not worthy and their ddaughter does not have anyone stickin up for her. And as of for providing for myself, o pay my on rent and bills I jst don't have a car yet cuz I can't afford the cost of owning one right now.
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I think you do need to honor your parents' wishes. Next year starts in 3 weeks. Just make your parents' mindful of when the credit for the plane tickets expires.
Author RideOrDieChick Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 I think you do need to honor your parents' wishes. Next year starts in 3 weeks. Just make your parents' mindful of when the credit for the plane tickets expires. I actually did honor their wishes. Flight "is" canceled do my main concern right now is the relationship, not my parents.
justwhoiam Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Hi RideOrDieChick, This suddenly reminded me of something. Watch episodes 25 & 26 of Little House On the Prairie (Season 6). After you watch it, send the two episodes to him, with a note like "I hope you can watch this. Love, (your name)" Synopsis Laura & Almanzo love each other. They want to get married and live together. Almanzo is already planning. She's only 16 though, and Charles tells them they need to wait 2 years. Almanzo flips out. He gives Laura an ultimatum, she needs to choose which side she wants to be: his (Almanzo), or her father's. She cries, she's desperate, she's torn. She doesn't want to go against her father, and she doesn't want to lose the love of her life, Almanzo. You need to watch the rest.
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