jacg89 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 So he lives upstairs from my grandma for about 10 years and I just moved in with my grandma a year and a half ago. we have been really close ever since, and over the summer we started kissing and getting more serious (though when we talked about being official over the summer, he said that he would "die" to ask me to be his gf, but he couldn't because he has to go back to his country for a little while.. and I totally understood him & we respect e/o.) Now, he practically lives downstairs with us. He stays over every night and we have a great relationship. Lots of people know that we are "together". He also invited me to his uncles house for Christmas because he wants to be with me. so my first question is, should I ask him about us being "official" or would you say that it has happened already without us having "the talk?" ..I don't have much exp with relationships.. 2nd - his issue with going back to his country is that he doesn't have his papers to just leave the country and come back. he said that he wants his life in the U.S. but most of his family is in his country as well as their farm which he has to go back to work on a little bit. He really misses home, and has been waiting for 10 years to get his papers, he said that he cant wait any longer so he just wants to marry somebody to get papers, but he doesn't want to marry for love and be "trapped". he started talking to me about his plans, and I was like "your really trying to piss me off..." and he was like, "babe, I have no choice." Its not something that is going to happen tomorrow, but eventually, it will if immigration reform doesn't pass. It made me feel distant and awkward with him for the rest of that whole day. I want to marry one day for sure, and I would marry him as I love him so much, but he isn't ready. He tells me that he loves me, and heck, he's even brought up us having kids over dinner last week, (more like joking.. but STILL), and he wants to take me to his country maybe the 2nd time he goes there, (but how would that happen if he married some random person?) he tells me all the time "you ARE coming with me" he seems serious, now on the other hand he talks about marrying some random person? I cant just see that happen to him, as he would have to move in with this person and our future would be pretty much done, I would think. What do you think? Is it just too much drama or do we have a chance? Should I tell him that I will marry him so he can go back home? And we will stay together as he wouldn't be with some other person? I am so happy with him, I couldn't see myself with another guy. But I am so stressed just thinking about it all. Any advice is so greatly appreciated!
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Do not marry somebody to fix their immigration issues. 3
winny Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Am not completely sure about the issue here... but I have feeling that this person is not good. Which country is he from? India? And what is his religion? I can throw some light on this if you can answer the above.... I somehow feel he wants to marry you for those immigration paper thing. He may really like you also and may never leave you... but his priority is somehow those papers... He is mentioning marrying someone else so that you get jealous and crazy and yourself marry him....
Author jacg89 Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Am not completely sure about the issue here... but I have feeling that this person is not good. Which country is he from? India? And what is his religion? I can throw some light on this if you can answer the above.... I somehow feel he wants to marry you for those immigration paper thing. He may really like you also and may never leave you... but his priority is somehow those papers... He is mentioning marrying someone else so that you get jealous and crazy and yourself marry him.... he is catholic (somewhat religious) & Spanish. I know that his priority are those papers. I feel that he won't be able to get serious until he goes there, sees his mom & sister, works on the farm and gets the farm "set up" as he's been sending money over there for years. he said that he will no longer have to send all of his money over there when he comes back. and then the 2nd time he goes back, he said that I am coming with him. and like I said, if we are going to stay together and truly be in love as we are now, I would marry him. but then he just confuses the keck out of me when he says he doesn't want to marry for love, he only wants to marry for the damn papers.
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 but then he just confuses the keck out of me when he says he doesn't want to marry for love, he only wants to marry for the damn papers. There is nothing to be confused about. Those papers are the priority. His family is a priority. You are not a priority. 1
regine_phalange Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I don't know.. There is something very unromantic about the situation. Something very... cynical. I'd say don't marry him. Don't put so little value on yourself. If you marry him, your value will diminish in his eyes as well. You can do so much better. If he is man enough, he should be able to take care of his own problems. Do you really want to be with someone who would marry for a damn visa? What's next in his plan? Divorcing you and marrying a rich old lady?
soccerrprp Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 he is catholic (somewhat religious) & Spanish. I know that his priority are those papers. I feel that he won't be able to get serious until he goes there, sees his mom & sister, works on the farm and gets the farm "set up" as he's been sending money over there for years. he said that he will no longer have to send all of his money over there when he comes back. and then the 2nd time he goes back, he said that I am coming with him. and like I said, if we are going to stay together and truly be in love as we are now, I would marry him. but then he just confuses the keck out of me when he says he doesn't want to marry for love, he only wants to marry for the damn papers. I'm confused too. It just strikes me that he's interested in getting citizenship more than anything else. He feels that he will be "trapped" if married for love? Huh? Trapped? So, what he wants is someone who will marry him for his papers and then divorce him later b/c she has no feelings for him? Sounds like it. To be with you? Hmmmmm.....he's a puzzle and a messy one at that.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Abort mission. Do not do this. He is making himself clear: he wants to get married ONLY for the documentation that will allow him to settle in the U.S. He does not want to get married because he's in love with you. He's actually told you this. Listen to him. He may in fact like you, but proceed very cautiously. You're not even an official couple, according to your post. If you want a marriage based on love, this is not your guy. Think VERY carefully about the potential legal, financial and emotional ramifications of this. 2
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