kaylan Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Anyone ever experience this? Ive noticed lately that Ive become "girlfriend picky" regarding girls I only want to date casually. That is to say that I hold these women to a standard that's normally reserved for women who have gf potential with me. Which is weird, because in the past Ive been more lax about who Id date casually. Nowadays its like Im trying to get these girls to pass the girlfriend test even though I don't see long term potential with them. Its almost like Im shooting myself in the foot.
TheGuard13 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Depends on what your standards are. If you're just trying to avoid excess drama, that would make sense.
charlietheginger Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I do the same thing. I know emotions can get involved and things happen.... I step back and say what if she gets pregnant , what if we fall in love .... I don't want to fall in love or have kids with just any woman. I don't want to be paying child support until I'm 54 yrs old... so when I met a woman I look for stability and that she is not crazy if you knock up a crazyone yourlife is over... three things bring a man down in life alcholism drug addictions The wrong women...... I won't even take that gamble... I met a girl while playing pool we hit it off really well back to her place I expected a little making out maybe oral... she wanted to get f ed.. I told her ill be back ( I wanted to get runners ) oh don't go I don't want to use them... I asked her is she on the pill she said yes. I asked let me see the pills. she told me she ran out and needed to get more. I told her let me get some runners... I came back she was sassy and not in the mood . so I left
StanMusial Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Maybe you do want a relationship... search your feelings young Skywalker you know it to be true...
gabgab Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Or maybe you are doing this because you hope your casual friend will turn into a girlfriend Your post is weird to me though, if a girl is girlfriend material she shouldn't be settling to be someone f*** buddy anyway
Fondue Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Or maybe you are doing this because you hope your casual friend will turn into a girlfriend Your post is weird to me though, if a girl is girlfriend material she shouldn't be settling to be someone f*** buddy anyway You are assuming she wants a relationship. She could, just as much as the OP, want a casual relationship. I did the same thing when I was casually dating women, OP. But the other posters are right, it is like a subconscious effort to find a girlfriend. I met and casually dated a lot of great women in the past year, some of which lead to a few "long" casual relationship, and one that lead to a girlfriend. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I'm sorry, but .. what exactly is a "casual relationship"? I always thought there either is, or isn't, a relationship... 2
Ruby Slippers Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Sounds to me like you're maturing. The times I settled for a guy without much potential for something real were the times I was simply lonely and unmotivated to do any better. Now I'd rather be lonely and productive than piddle time away with a mediocre match.
Author kaylan Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 I do the same thing. I know emotions can get involved and things happen.... I step back and say what if she gets pregnant , what if we fall in love .... I don't want to fall in love or have kids with just any woman. I don't want to be paying child support until I'm 54 yrs old... so when I met a woman I look for stability and that she is not crazy if you knock up a crazyone yourlife is over... three things bring a man down in life alcholism drug addictions The wrong women...... I won't even take that gamble... I met a girl while playing pool we hit it off really well back to her place I expected a little making out maybe oral... she wanted to get f ed.. I told her ill be back ( I wanted to get runners ) oh don't go I don't want to use them... I asked her is she on the pill she said yes. I asked let me see the pills. she told me she ran out and needed to get more. I told her let me get some runners... I came back she was sassy and not in the mood . so I left The bold is something I ALWAYS consider. Lord knows as I get closer to 30, I get more scared of a woman my age wanting to keep the kid if we have a slip up. That fear keeps me in check when it comes to any kind of relationship-less sex.
Author kaylan Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 (edited) I'm sorry, but .. what exactly is a "casual relationship"? I always thought there either is, or isn't, a relationship... Basically a friendship and hooking up (could include sex) without any concrete commitment. Or maybe you are doing this because you hope your casual friend will turn into a girlfriend Your post is weird to me though, if a girl is girlfriend material she shouldn't be settling to be someone f*** buddy anyway Someone can be relationship for someone else, but not relationship material for me. Its all about compatibility. It doesnt make a girl unsuitable as a girlfriend just because I dont think shes a fit to be my girlfriend.Sounds to me like you're maturing. The times I settled for a guy without much potential for something real were the times I was simply lonely and unmotivated to do any better. Now I'd rather be lonely and productive than piddle time away with a mediocre match. I think youve made a good point. I am kinda lonely and not much motivated to do better. I want to date right now, but really nothing serious. Tbh with how much I work lately and focus on my music as well, I have no real interest in women outside of when I get horny. But even then, I have little motivation to do anything about it. And now comes along a couple of opportunities for me, and I feel like Im wasting my time on chicks I dont much click with, all for the sake of companionship and a tryst. And I wont lie, sometimes I think to myself "really?....this is the best I can do? why am I not trying harder?" Im just so tired and swamped with life really. I wish I had more time to focus on women like back during the college days. Edited December 11, 2013 by kaylan
Ruby Slippers Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Im just so tired and swamped with life really. I find these things go in waves. If you're not feeling it, don't force it. I try to invest the most in the areas of my life where I'm feeling it and seeing the results. You know, go with the flow. Investing in work, music, and yourself is a good use of time that will help build a better foundation for a romantic relationship, once you're ready for that and meet someone suitable.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Basically a friendship and hooking up (could include sex) without any concrete commitment. Someone can be relationship for someone else, but not relationship material for me. So, not a relationship (in the sense that we use "relationships" to refer to a romantic attachment between men and women), but a friends with benefits arrangement. I just dislike that term, because it sounds like an oxymoron, unless everyone redefines what they mean when they talk about 'relationships' between men and women. I doubt , if you mentioned a relationship between a man and a woman, that anyone would've understood it as referring to friendship, for example, even though friendship is a form of "relationship". Anyway I really hope you make your FWB intentions clear to the women you go out with. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Anyway I really hope you make your FWB intentions clear to the women you go out with. I'm going to venture a guess and say the difference between FWB and "casual" relationship is precisely whether or whether not intentions were discussed. FWB=both people are aware Casual relationship=the girl has no clue what his intentions are Otherwise they are the same....just guessing
Author kaylan Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 I always make my intentions clear. I don't lead people on. 2
Eggplant Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 You must be well-liked by women to have this kind of problem.
Bito Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Why do you feel the need to have a casual relationship? With work and my hobbies I literly have no time for relationships. I really could not be happier. I miss haveing sex but I only sleep with women I have a connection with. But if daiting is your hobby then that's fine to. I just don't like that society thinks is social unaccaptable to be single for an extended period of time. The time your single is when you discover the best things about yourself . 1
Author kaylan Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 You must be well-liked by women to have this kind of problem. A couple of chicks dig me, but its not. like I'm drowning in options here.
ponchsox Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Why do you feel the need to have a casual relationship? With work and my hobbies I literly have no time for relationships. I really could not be happier. I miss haveing sex but I only sleep with women I have a connection with. But if daiting is your hobby then that's fine to. I just don't like that society thinks is social unaccaptable to be single for an extended period of time. The time your single is when you discover the best things about yourself . This and I could care less what society thinks. I'm not staying in a bad relationship or getting married to someone I'm not sure about just because. If I find someone, great, if not I'm very happy right now.
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I don't understand this "casual dating" thing. I mean, I find it so exceptional to meet someone I want to spend a significant amount of time with, let alone have sex with that I certainly would not want to screw that up by having something casual with that person. It seems that people who engage in casual dating then are looking for some kind of separate category of persons they like enough to spend some time with and have some sex with, but don't like enough to want this to turn into a real relationship. I either don't want to spend time with you or want to spend as much time as possible with you.
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