mortensorchid Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I am getting over someone who didn't deserve me. If you have been following a thread recently, after about a month together my latest told me he didn't want to be serious and he wasn't ready to settle down. I said that is/was understood, but I did make an effort to point out to him that it could take you years before you truly see what the other person is. It happened to me, I'm sure it's happened to a lot of others out there as well. What I am asking in this is how come some people do not take the time out to really get to know a person? I believe in it, wholeheartedly. First impressions can be wrong of course, in many cases. When you encounter a person who really isn't right for you, you know instantly and you just move on. But I think that "I just knew it was right" feeling is more nostalgia than truth. Then again, I am a practical person as well. What do others think? 1
Eivuwan Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I think it takes years if the person is secretive and emotionally avoidant or something. I would rather date the sort of person who has an open communication style right from the beginning. 1
MasonJarTeaDrinker Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 It's hard because sometimes I feel like I don't even know myself as well as I should. Imagine that. 1
soccerrprp Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Years? But it certainly should not take that long to determine whether one wants to make the effort to do so. I am not going to wait for many months or years if there are too many question marks about the relationship. He may have seen something that didn't fit his paradigm. Nothing wrong with that if that is the case. Personally, I know there is much more to learn about my gf right now. But, I am also convinced that I know enough to go to the next level, propose (soon) to spend the next many months or years to find out.
ShyGuy5 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 You don't know what you got til it's gone. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 You don't know what you got til it's gone. That is a classic of course, everyone realizes that at some point or another.
fujidabruin Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Years? But it certainly should not take that long to determine whether one wants to make the effort to do so. I am not going to wait for many months or years if there are too many question marks about the relationship. He may have seen something that didn't fit his paradigm. Nothing wrong with that if that is the case. Personally, I know there is much more to learn about my gf right now. But, I am also convinced that I know enough to go to the next level, propose (soon) to spend the next many months or years to find out. For the most part, I agree with Soccerrprp. If the chemistry is there and no dealbreakers apparent, one should at least know if the relationship is worth pursuing a LTR within a few weeks or months I would think. The problem I see, and have experienced within myself, is that some people want to look elsewhere or say things are 'not working' once the honeymoon phase is over. Maybe they let negative thoughts creep in because the intensity naturally drops off after awhile and they get quickly disillusioned instead of realizing that empowering relationships take effort and good communication to work. To me, it is after the honeymoon phase is over that you really learn and realize who each of you are.
fujidabruin Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 To Mortensorchid, Thank you for posting this thread..... it has underscored my gratitude for believing in loving, long-term relationships. Good Luck to you
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