h9dlb Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Was in a relationship with a girl for 21 years (I am now 43, she is 44) -found out 2 years ago she was cheating with a man who she met who she described as the "Love of her life" and said she was leaving me for him. I still loved her dearly and despite her infidelity offered to try and sort out our problems, go to counseling etc whatever it took but she wasn't interested. She said I was miserable and ruined her life although I have always been good to her, bought her clothes, have a good job earn lots of money and provided a nice house, and privately educated our daughter. I've since found out that she's had several affairs over the last 5 years. She put the house up for sale but because of the recession it wouldn't sell and we lived together in the same house but apart not speaking for 18 months until it finally sold in July of this year and it was sheer hell. Since then as soon as the house sold she finished with her affair partner and has now started dating online and has slept with several men in the last couple of months. She has now met a man in the last couple of weeks who she now says she is in a relationship with on Facebook. Since the house sold in July I have been trying to do no contact. I have also met a new lady but it's nothing serious. Ex knows about her. Thing is in the last 4 weeks she keeps ringing me constantly late at night with nothing really to say, just wanting to chat or to "see how I am". She is texting or rings constantly until I answer the phone. In the last couple of weeks on the couple of times I have answered the phone (in case there's a problem with our daughter) she's been suggesting I come over for sex or sending me suggestive texts and asking how my sex life is with my new lady friend. I really don't know what to think or do! Despite what a cowbag she's been she really is the love of my life. Any advice or suggestions? Is she just messing with my head ?
LadyM Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Yes!!! She is just messing with your head. You got that SO right! She doesn't like the fact that you have a new girlfriend. She wants to keep a hold over you and is trying to entice you with offers of conversation and sex. But these offers only serve to manipulate you. She doesn't want you and hasn't for a long time. But she sure doesn't care to see you with someone else, either!!! Believe me, if you tell her you are no longer seeing your girlfriend, she will stop contact with you immediately. She is toxic for you. She may have been the love of your life, but she isn't anymore and certainly doesn't deserve to be. Go find yourself a new love of your life who is actually worthy of you. 2
Author h9dlb Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Thanks for replying Lady M but why would she do this? Why doesn't she just get on with life with her new boyfriend ? She dumped me after all !
LadyM Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 She only met him a couple weeks ago. You have no idea what their relationship is like or even if she cares for him at all. If she were deeply involved with him, I think she would leave you alone, but she probably isn't so she still takes delight in yanking your chain. She wants to control you. Have power over you. You're a challenge for her now. People like challenges. They enjoy something that is hard to come by. Seems more worthwhile to them. Also, just because they dump us, I think that often some residual feelings remain.
Author h9dlb Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 so what should I do for the best ? Ask her why she is still contacting me when she has a new boyfriend or just ignore her completely?
stillafool Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Yes, ignore her and do not talk to her. If your daughter has graduated from college there really is no need to call you about your daughter as she is an adult. Doesn't your daughter have your phone number if she needs something? You need to cut off all contact with your ex because she is poison. Don't let yourself be fooled again by getting involved with her. Move on to someone else. Change all contact info so she can't reach you.
Omei Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I'm sorry this happened to you, go NC stay NC. Cheating over a 5 year period, please please dont hope for change that is not changeable its not just an affair but years and years of lies she never wanted to change. I'm sorry! Best of luck. 3
Author h9dlb Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 update on this. Last couple of days she has been texting me telling me about her new boyfriend who she met online a couple of weeks ago, sending me pictures of him, saying how wonderful he is and better in bed than me etc etc Why is she doing this? Is she trying to make me jealous? if so why? Why won't she leave me alone? I would block her if we didn't have a child whom we need to discuss.
Omei Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 she just wants to make you feel hurt thats all
InnocentMan Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 update on this. Last couple of days she has been texting me telling me about her new boyfriend who she met online a couple of weeks ago, sending me pictures of him, saying how wonderful he is and better in bed than me etc etc Why is she doing this? Is she trying to make me jealous? if so why? Why won't she leave me alone? I would block her if we didn't have a child whom we need to discuss. This is all sorts of craziness. Genuinely happy people don't feel the need to give their ex's running commentary of their life/sex life. Don't read her texts, and tell her you will only communicate with her by phone. If she talks of anything apart from your child while on the phone, just hang up. I would also keep all crazy texts that she sends, just in case a custody issue arises with the child. You must remain cold and clinical with these type of people, otherwise she'll drag you into her own crazy little world. 1
Author h9dlb Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Update After the above - completely ignored her and there's been no contact over Xmas at all - not even to say happy Xmas or happy new year. Last 2 days she's been contacting me about inconsequential things. I've largely ignored her and only replied to texts dealing with things about our daughter. Then tonight she has bombarded me with texts and been ringing my phone. I didn't answer or look at the texts until it was time to goto bed and was surprised to read that she sent "Don't you love me anymore", "why are you cross with me", "come and meet me in the park cafe tomorrow at 12pm"! Really don't know what to make of all of this but of course I'm not going to meet her. i just want to know what's going through her head, why she is doing this and why she wants to meet me. I know for certain she's still seeing this new guy.
livingnightmare Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 You deserve better than that, that's a life time together and she does that? She is one evil sick twisted person to do this. Is there a family member who can go in between regarding your daughter? I have family to help me out in regards to that matter. You really need to go no contact, your relationship is broken, even if she came back, would you really forget all what she has done? The evil things she has said? The Betrayel? Lies? Disrespect? She has totaly disrespected you. Could you realy forgive her? Could you look at her the same again? Could you trust her again? You deserve more than that. NO CONTACT ALL THE WAY. She is not who you think she is, who you are thinking of is dead. That person does not exist and will not be back. What you know of her /your relationship is in the past. Move forward without her, let her mess her life up.
Survivor12 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 She's doing it because she feels secure knowing that you have feelings for her...something she isn't getting from the other guys. She cheated because she likes the excitement & the challenge, but she is using you as her "safety net". Ironically, the more you pull away and become less available, the more likely she will be to pursue you. Unfortunately, it doesn't necessarily mean that things have changed...the moment you succumb, she will become less interested. Do not respond to anything unless it involves your children--and is worthy of response. Eventually, when she realizes that she no longer has power of you and that you are not providing her with the ego feed that she is looking for, she will stop. Be aware that she will likely try again, though...it will take a while before she gives up. In the meantime, stay strong, focus on your kids and your own life, and remember that it is no longer your responsibility to be there for her.
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