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Did he blow me off?

persephone28

By persephone28
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persephone28 Member

persephone28

Posted
Posted

I met a guy about 6 weeks ago at a club. He is actually an old acquantance. We kissed at the end of the night and he was calling me for a while. He lives near my home town, a 2 hour drive from here I live. We met up when I went home one weekend and had dinner. I thought things went really well especially by the types of things he was saying to me ('I want kids soon'; 'I think my friends realise I quite like you'; 'we have so much in common';) and the way he kept looking into my eyes. I don't know, maybe they were just cheap tricks to try and reel me in! We kissed but there was no sex. He did call me a couple of times afterwards. But he cancelled our second 'date' (he was going to come to the town I live in with his friends who were driving here anyway, and we were gonna meet up, but he said he couldn't afford it any more). When I suggested that we meet up when I come home for X-mas, he said he probably wouldn't be around a X-mas. He didn't even ask what days I was going to be coming when I suggested it and didnt elaborate on where he'd be although i know his mum lives abroad. He said he would come to my town at some point and he would call me when he did, but it probably wouldn't be before X-mas. That was almost 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since. I sensed at the time that it was a blow off, but I wish he would have just said he didn't want to see me again rather than keep me hanging by saying he'd call me next time he came to my town. I'm not sure whether I am being unreasonable or irrational, but I just don't like the feeling that I am being kept on the back burner as an option for somebody. I don't really know what to make of it and am a bit confused as to what went wrong, a little upset because I was quite smitten with him. I am trying not to make too much out of it, as I know I hardly knew him. I havent contacted him at all since then either.

 

I'm finding it hard to cut the ties with him myself and wish I'd just had the courage to say 'do you actually want to see me again or not' but didn't want to come off too confrontational as I had scared guys off in the past that way and didn't want to put him off if his excuse was indeed genuine.

 

Any thoughts? Does this definitely indicate he is not interested, or do you think it might be genuine?

 

Sick of this dating game :(

Dallers Established Member

Dallers

Posted
Posted
I met a guy about 6 weeks ago at a club. He is actually an old acquantance. We kissed at the end of the night and he was calling me for a while. He lives near my home town, a 2 hour drive from here I live. We met up when I went home one weekend and had dinner. I thought things went really well especially by the types of things he was saying to me ('I want kids soon'; 'I think my friends realise I quite like you'; 'we have so much in common';) and the way he kept looking into my eyes. I don't know, maybe they were just cheap tricks to try and reel me in! We kissed but there was no sex. He did call me a couple of times afterwards. But he cancelled our second 'date' (he was going to come to the town I live in with his friends who were driving here anyway, and we were gonna meet up, but he said he couldn't afford it any more). When I suggested that we meet up when I come home for X-mas, he said he probably wouldn't be around a X-mas. He didn't even ask what days I was going to be coming when I suggested it and didnt elaborate on where he'd be although i know his mum lives abroad. He said he would come to my town at some point and he would call me when he did, but it probably wouldn't be before X-mas. That was almost 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since. I sensed at the time that it was a blow off, but I wish he would have just said he didn't want to see me again rather than keep me hanging by saying he'd call me next time he came to my town. I'm not sure whether I am being unreasonable or irrational, but I just don't like the feeling that I am being kept on the back burner as an option for somebody. I don't really know what to make of it and am a bit confused as to what went wrong, a little upset because I was quite smitten with him. I am trying not to make too much out of it, as I know I hardly knew him. I havent contacted him at all since then either.

 

I'm finding it hard to cut the ties with him myself and wish I'd just had the courage to say 'do you actually want to see me again or not' but didn't want to come off too confrontational as I had scared guys off in the past that way and didn't want to put him off if his excuse was indeed genuine.

 

Any thoughts? Does this definitely indicate he is not interested, or do you think it might be genuine?

 

Sick of this dating game :(

 

The dating game sucks. Agreed. Love yourself before you consider loving someone else. Especially this douchebag.

 

There are many possibilities here because there is so little background knowledge about this guy. His actions to me appear sinister to the point that he could have a girlfriend and you are his entertainment and all that nonsense he was spouting off and mentioning having kids is an automatic alarm bell, I would call wolf and think he was saying what he thought you wanted to hear to get you into bed.

 

But, he might not. He might have just been genuine and decided against the idea or he may have met someone else.... this is what happens day in day out and it has nothing to do with you it is people in general.

 

He was not right for you and in all honesty are you really smitten? Or is it just your fantastic brain telling you that as he got away you should automatically like him more when actually, he was a douchebag. :D

 

Next.

mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry to say this but he has blown you off, or he is in the process of doing so. Don't sit there and say "what did I do" or "what didn't I do" right or wrong, it just is. Move on.

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persephone28 Member

persephone28

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks guys, needed that confirmation, as obviously I'm not going to get it from him.

 

Oh well. I think he might have been an alcoholic anyway.

Mascara Established Member

Mascara

Posted
Posted

How old are you both?

RonaldS Established Member

RonaldS

Posted
Posted
Especially this douchebag.

 

There are many possibilities here because there is so little background knowledge about this guy.

 

Typical LS.

 

We don't know anything about this guy, but he's a douchebag because the girl didn't get her way. Love it. Don't have enough information to assess the situation, but more than enough to totally judge him?

 

Maybe...just maybe...the reality of living 2 HOURS apart is precluding him from pursuing a relationship with her. He told her he wants kids? Maybe...just maybe...he does. Did he say explicitly that he wanted kids WITH HER? If not, he's just engaging in conversation.

  • Author
persephone28 Member

persephone28

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Typical LS.

 

We don't know anything about this guy, but he's a douchebag because the girl didn't get her way. Love it. Don't have enough information to assess the situation, but more than enough to totally judge him?

 

Maybe...just maybe...the reality of living 2 HOURS apart is precluding him from pursuing a relationship with her. He told her he wants kids? Maybe...just maybe...he does. Did he say explicitly that he wanted kids WITH HER? If not, he's just engaging in conversation.

 

I can't speak for Dallers, but I don't think he is a douchebag for deciding not to be interested in me - whatever the reason, that's his god given right.

 

I think the issue here is that, if he isn't interested, he should say so rather than string me along with 'I will be coming to your town and I will call you when I do'. I don't get the impression he is the kind of person who would be afraid to hurt my feelings, so I can only conclude he has some ulterior motive for giving me that line and not being honest. I think it's that which might make him a 'douchebag'.

 

My original question was actually, do people think he might be being honest, or am I being played?

 

To extend the question, what if he were to get in touch with me after Christmas saying he's coming to my town (as he says he might). Is it reasonable to keep someone hanging on that long, should I be suspicious? I'm not interested in being a casual 'when I'm in town' for someone and I don't want to get hurt. I'm trying to exercise damage control. At the same time I don't know whether it would be unreasonable for me to assume that he is not really interested in me because he didn't make the 2 hour trip to see me until after x-mas... bearing in mind also that he hasn't phoned me, but then again there wasn't a huge amount of phone time before anyway, only to arrange when we were meeting - there was always a purpose to the conversations.

 

I am moving on from this guy, it's clearly a non starter. But I am just curious and want to learn for future.

 

Oh, and I am 28, he's 29.

ja123 Established Member

ja123

Posted
Posted

To extend the question, what if he were to get in touch with me after Christmas saying he's coming to my town (as he says he might). Is it reasonable to keep someone hanging on that long, should I be suspicious? I'm not interested in being a casual 'when I'm in town' for someone and I don't want to get hurt. I'm trying to exercise damage control. At the same time I don't know whether it would be unreasonable for me to assume that he is not really interested in me because he didn't make the 2 hour trip to see me until after x-mas... bearing in mind also that he hasn't phoned me, but then again there wasn't a huge amount of phone time before anyway, only to arrange when we were meeting - there was always a purpose to the conversations.

 

 

 

Now you are rationalizing, back-tracking, and offering him excuses.

 

 

He blew you off.

 

 

It's possible he will contact you in future, but you'll be embarking on his merry-go-round again, then become more hurt and have a lower self-esteem because you fell for it even though you knew better.

 

 

Right now you are in a position of power: you haven't contacted him; you haven't shown your cards (emotions). It shows that you have self-respect.

 

 

True, we do not have a lot of information to analyze the situation; however, it is not a stretch to see the pattern of someone blowing hot, then blowing cold. Plus, possibly future-faking.

 

 

This has nothing to do with you, per se. How could it? Dude doesn't know you.

 

 

Read the website: baggagereclaim.

 

 

Good Luck!!! :)

  • Like 1
Dallers Established Member

Dallers

Posted
Posted
Now you are rationalizing, back-tracking, and offering him excuses.

 

 

He blew you off.

 

 

It's possible he will contact you in future, but you'll be embarking on his merry-go-round again, then become more hurt and have a lower self-esteem because you fell for it even though you knew better.

 

 

Right now you are in a position of power: you haven't contacted him; you haven't shown your cards (emotions). It shows that you have self-respect.

 

 

True, we do not have a lot of information to analyze the situation; however, it is not a stretch to see the pattern of someone blowing hot, then blowing cold. Plus, possibly future-faking.

 

 

This has nothing to do with you, per se. How could it? Dude doesn't know you.

 

 

Read the website: baggagereclaim.

 

 

Good Luck!!! :)

 

Exactly. A Douchbag! Choose to ignore it or wake up and smell the roses. Move on.

OrangeSnack Established Member

OrangeSnack

Posted
Posted

Persophone, I honestly think this guy is an idiot. I apologize for my entire sex for being a bunch of sissies. I sometimes am baffled by my sex and even your sex why we just can't tell you straight up that we are not interested.

 

Like one poster have mentioned. Move on and start loving yourself.

 

PS I have always respected women that can tell me that they're not interested. I think of all the dating that I've gone through (I'm 27) I've only had 3 people do that to me. I really have a lot of respect for those 3 women and I wish them the very best. So don't call this idiot back. Let him do his dating game and you focus on yourself :)

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