LoveHurtz Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 THIS IS THE LETTER I GOT FROM MY MM'S WIFE. HE SAYS IT'S HER PERSPECTIVE, NOT THE TRUTH. NOW HE SAYS GIVE HIM ONE MONTH TO TELL HER THE WHOLE TRUTH AND LEAVE. HE WANTS TO DO ALL THE INITIATING, HE SAYS HE WILL CALL ME AND TELL ME WHEN IT'S DONE. I HAVE GIVEN HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO BACK OUT COMPLETELY AND HE SAYS HE LOVES ME AND DOESN"T WANT THAT. HE SAYS HE ISN"T TRYING TO KEEP ME IN THE WINGS OR HE WOULD WANT TO SEE ME AND TALK IN THE MEANTIME. HE SAYS THIS IS HOW HE WANTS TO DO IT, HIMSELF. WHAT AM I TO THINK? I FEEL SO HELPLESS. THIS IS THE EMAIL SHE SENT ME: Thank you for the "lovely" holiday greetings. However, your "well wishes" are not needed nor are they wanted. (Especially because they are not SINCERE!) If you truly wished John & I well, you would NOT be communicating with him in ANY way! I WILL NOT START THIS NEW YEAR THIS WAY! I know your motives for contacting John! And I know the way you operate...You contact him...You are told not to contact him...You fuss and cry...You get angry...You stop calling for a while and then the cycle continues... I am not having this bs again. This is a new year for us and we are making plans to move on and secure a future for our family. We will not allow you to impede our progress. I know that you have some issues of your own that you need to deal with. You need to focus on your issues rather than trying to create issues in my marriage. Anyway, my point is that you should get your own life and realize that you are no longer a part of John's life and vice versa. Lose John's work and cell phone number! Lose our home number! Lose his e-mail address! And get a life of your own. I certainly hope that I don't hear of you contacting MY husband again! I won't be as polite. Be a woman and recognize that John will NOT leave me for you! He would have done so by now, because I have given him the opportunity. And don't give me the bull**** about you not wanting John, because you and I both know that is a lie. You will NEVER be able to take my place! His family will NEVER accept you and your trifling ways. So, give up this delusion of a your happily ever after with MY HUSBAND! Not gonna happen! In essence what I'm trying to say politely is LEAVE US ALONE! BEST WISHES!
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 Don't reply to it. Give him the month, no matter how hard it is. If he's telling the truth you'll hear from him again.
Barby Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 I agree, don't respond. She is probably only basing this on what he has told her. Honestly she has every right to ask this of you and to be upset (I would hope you realize this). Anyway if he does really want to be with you, leave it alone, let him take care of ending his marriage without any help/interferance from you and if he's sincere then you'll be with him....but if not then the best thing for you to do is move on and leave the drama...
KissMyTiara Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 Yeah, I agree. Don't respond to it. I wouldn't even know what to type anyways...
Leaf Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 Oh wow.. ya, like the others have said, dont respond to it. Give him the month and THATS ALL! Or else he will prolong this and keep you waiting.
quankanne Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Be a woman and recognize that John will NOT leave me for you! I will cast the dissenting vote: that statement alone (John will not leave his marriage) tells me that she's got a much better handle on the relationship than either you or your lover do. One because possession is 9/10 of the law; two, because if he were serious about leaving his marriage, he'd have done so in a heartbeat; three, his whole response to his wife's response sounds like what every other married person has told his/her lover in the posts that I've read here. think of yourself as the emergency candy bar he has hidden away so that when he can't bear the idea of being on a damned diet, and he knows that he's just have to have that candy, it's there, it will not have gone anyplace. dump his ass. believe me, you've got much, much better things to do than put all your hopes and dreams into someone who is legally obligated to another. your whole relationship with this man is based on a lie (he isn't free to pursue you, but does), so if he can exist with that, why shouldn't it be "harmless" to continue take what he wants while stalling with both you AND his wife?
inturmoil Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 I know its hard, but you gotta let him go. Someone said on here something that has stuck in my head and it goes like this "You are not a marriage replacement, you are a marriage supplement. " I do not think he will ever leave his wife for you. MM say a lot of things that they dont mean. I know from experience. It FEELS so real, but he is probably going home to his wife everynight telling her that he's not seeing you, and he loves her. IT hurts so bad I know. I am still hurting from my affair, and I still think about him everyday, and hope he'll call, when I know he wont. I know the truth hurts, and you probably hate me for saying this, but you cant have him. They never leave. End it now and move on with your life. Dont let him use you anymore like this. You are too special to be doing this to yourself.
SoleMate Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 WHAT AM I TO THINK? That you're just another OW who is experiencing the pain of an A with a MM. "Give me a month, let me tell her my own way"??? Give me a break. He'll be telling her whatever he needs to to keep his home deal going...and he'll tell you whatever you need to hear. I HAVE GIVEN HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO BACK OUT COMPLETELY AND HE SAYS HE LOVES ME AND DOESN"T WANT THAT. Please don't base ANY hope on this kind of statement. These are words ONLY. If he really loved you and was planning to leave his marriage, he would be doing it right now. He "loves" you only enough to keep on giving you what you have been getting - i.e., not a lot. I advise not responding to her. I also advise not responding to him. And I am sorry for this pain you are experiencing.
Mr Spock Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Like they all said, don't respond. Give him the month. If he's serious, you've won and if all he wants to do is calm things down at home so he can keep banging you THEN deal with that when it happens.
alphamale Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 women who mess around with married guys are full of self-hatred and have no self=esteem. you deserve whatever bady shyt happens to you.
Mr Spock Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale women who mess around with married guys are full of self-hatred and have no self=esteem. you deserve whatever bady shyt happens to you. As do you, for reasons that I won't be allowed to post anyways.
fanou22 Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Some days my brain is a bit slow processing the information in these posts. Could someone, preferably LoveHurtz, please clarify to me the following: From the e-mail, the W knows about the affair and it seems that she had the little talk with her husband. HE SAYS IT'S HER PERSPECTIVE, NOT THE TRUTH ===>>>> But it is the truth. HE SAYS GIVE HIM ONE MONTH TO TELL HER THE WHOLE TRUTH AND LEAVE Does it mean he is going to fill her in on the details of the affair? I would have understood better if he said he needed a month to move out. She already knows what more does he need to tell her?
quankanne Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 She already knows what more does he need to tell her? methinks married lover is saying this to his girlfriend because he's stalling for time. as I've posted before, wifey knows, and she's already got her gameplan set.
fanou22 Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Having had my share, one thing I have learned about MMs. They don't want to make decisions. They want decisions to be made for them be it by the W or OW Had I been in LoveHurtx place I would have replied to the e-mail telling W to keep her H away from me instead of asking me to stay away.
Karlise13 Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 What's going to change in a month? Will it be easier to tell her in February as opposed to January? He's stalling for time. He's lying to his wife. He's lying to you. I'm thinking in about a month's time you're going to get one of these: "Hey hon....yeah. It's been really hard this month. I've been packing my stuff, making plans to go and all that. But the thing is..." (insert whatever the thing is here) ".....so I just can't do it NOW. I'm so sorry. You know, I feel responsible for a lot that goes on here. I have a lot on my plate. I'm completely stressed out. I am just stressed the f*** out and you've been a lifesaver. I don't know what I'd do without you. But I can't leave at just this moment. " Your continued understanding and patience will be most appreciated. Your specialness will be reiterated (and oh...how wonderful it is to be 'special', isn't it?) and the drama will continue to unfold in all its morbid glory. At times, I am wrong... But generally, I can usually peg these things, even from a great distance. Let us know how it turns out.
RowanRavyn Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 For once I am going with the flow. Don't call. Don't sell yourself short like this. He is stalling. It MIGHT be different if he had a lawyer, and his lawyer advised him to not see you for a while. I think he is just petting the wifey, calming her down, assuring her that all is well, lulling her into a false sense of security, and then in a month...you will get a phone call.
Leaf Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Yup, this is basically what mine did and is doing.. instilling a false sense of security in the W and running back to me. effen unreal.
jellybean Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by LoveHurtz HE SAYS IT'S HER PERSPECTIVE, NOT THE TRUTH. NOW HE SAYS GIVE HIM ONE MONTH TO TELL HER THE WHOLE TRUTH AND LEAVE. HE WANTS TO DO ALL THE INITIATING, HE SAYS HE WILL CALL ME AND TELL ME WHEN IT'S DONE. Well, I've never been the OW, or been the W of a MM who cheated - but I just gotta say what a load of crap he's feeding you!!! Yeah, he needs a month alright - but it's not going to be a month spent trying to END his marriage - it's going to be a month spent MENDING his marriage, and lying to his wife that the affair is over. And then he'll call you up, wanting to get together again, and give you some lame excuse as to why the timing is not right for him and his wife to split just yet. I believe that what the wife is telling you in the email is the TRUTH..... Be a woman and recognize that John will NOT leave me for you! He would have done so by now, because I have given him the opportunity. Anyways, just my 2 cents.........
hurtinheart Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 I think all the OW get what they deserve!!!! should find your own man a single man not a married man!!!! you started as the OW and will always be the other women!!!! your being played for the fool!!!!! his poor wife!!!!he needs to be a man leave the marriage!!! you need to be a woman and walk away till you see divorce papers!!!! you waiting around on a married man wasting your time!!! when your old and alone you can think the MM cause you wasted your time waiting on him!!!! if you like being second best!!!! choice is your!!!!
debs Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 No I wouldn't contact him over the month! Yes I agree he is stalling for time to figure out how to do this and to get his wifey to simmer down! ! month if your in for the long haul is all Iwould give him then I would call him at home and say I am sorry I ever believed you and G O O D B Y E! I agree he is lying to you and his wifey. Been there experienced that one just a year ago! But I played my exH hand I said if she means that much to you and even though we were fine and doing well after spending 10 days in Hawaii with his family celebrating, I said then go! I held firm and I am not regretting my decision. As I said on a previous post I will get over him and I will and am doing far better! I wish you luck with your month! I can say LS has shed allot of light on relationships and most of the posts make sense to me! Please let us know how this works out for you as we really are concerned! I just love a happy ending as well! And I do hope it is a happy ending either way for you!
LoveHurtz Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Thank You to everyone for your support and advice. I have learned alot from this site. First of all, you should read my first post before you judge my situation based solely on Wifey's letter. Here is a copy: I have had a man that has been my best friend for 5 years now. We tried getting together in the beginning of our friendship, but I was not attracted to him at the time and I thought we'd be better off friends. I was a lot more immature then too. Anyway, time went on and we both got into other relationships but still talked everyday and remained very close. He got engaged 2 1/2 yrs ago to a really nice woman. I was happy for him, but I had mixed feelings because I think deep down I knew my feelings for him were deeper than I wanted to acknowledge. Two weeks before the wedding we kissed and it was the most amazing experience ... there were fireworks and intense passion that I had never experienced with anyone. We both knew that the love we had was a lot deeper. However, the wedding was already planned and paid for and we both thought maybe the feelings would disappear after he went to the altar. Needless to say, that didn't happen. The relationship has grown even more intense in the last year. His wife found emails he sent me on their honeymoon, yet chose to forgive him. He has left once, but went back b/c he said he feels so guilty hurting her since she is innocent in all of this. She didn't see it coming at all. I understand that she doesn't deserve it, but I am in pain too. He says he is in love with me and he knows he is only hurting himself by staying. A few days ago we talked for a long time and he said that he wants to initiate what has to be done and leave his wife so that I don't have to hurt anymore by waiting on something to happen. I am also in a relationship but I am not in love at all, even though my boyfriend is a great guy. MM doesn't expect me to make any changes in my current relationship until he has left. The dilemma is ... I don't know if this just another MM trying to hang onto me and stay married at the same time. I feel it is different b/c we had a relationship before the wife came into the picture. But, I don't know if I am fooling myself. So, now that you have the full story...your opinions would be appreciated. This is not some guy that I met that was already married. He was my best friend way before he even met his wife. Read my post...SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCE IN LOVE WITH MM BEST FRIEND for more detailed info about our history. I know that alot of people think their affair is different and special, but from what I have read...this is a little different.
Leaf Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Wow, thats kinda what happened to me as well. I really understand what you are going through. Mine was my best friend and then it became more. It was so right. But he was engaged... same thing.. wedding already paid for.. he cried and cried... didnt want to do it.. but couldnt think of a way out.... ugh. anyways... Hang in there, if you need a friendly ear, feel free to PM me.
hotgurl Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 he had his chance to choose you before he got married. He didn't then and he won't now. It is ironic that you didn't have feelings/attraction for him before he got engaged. competition thing maybe. besides who would want an a** who email his ow on his honeymoon. What a bastard
Leaf Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 I didnt know he was engaged at the time... but you are right.. He is a**h***.. Its funny, the more I read what you guys post and then go back and look at him.. it sickens me, he sickens me.
Pocky Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 I am also in a relationship but I am not in love at all, even though my boyfriend is a great guy. MM doesn't expect me to make any changes in my current relationship until he has left. End your relationship. It isn't fair to keep him hanging around while you pass the time - much like your MM has done with you. MM playing you - you playing boyfriend. How sweet.
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