okay to break no contact on Christmas?

[KathyM]

That's manipulative and extremely creepy. I don't care how much or little animosity there is, that would come off as extremely weird. That counselor was either joking with you or needs to run laps.

No joke. He was dead serious. It plays on the subconscious mind of the woman. I don't really see any harm in it.

[Simon Phoenix]

No joke. He was dead serious. It plays on the subconscious mind of the woman. I don't really see any harm in it.

 

Besides being creepy and manipulative.

[KathyM]

Besides being creepy and manipulative.

I'm just relating what has worked for this man's clients. It doesn't involve lying or misleading. It's just a gift.

[organizedchaos]

No joke. He was dead serious. It plays on the subconscious mind of the woman. I don't really see any harm in it.

 

No animosity in my BU, and I know there are feelings. But no way I would ever consider doing this with her. She broke up with me, she doesn't get a Christmas gift. It would not change anything. She has memories of nearly 3 years that she will not forget. I'm positive there are places she'll go that we went to that will remind her of me. I'm positive when she lays down to go to sleep, something about our past crosses her mind. I know, even though we're not connected on social media, that she still has photos of us up that will remind her of me.

 

Those thoughts are the only things that will ever convince her she made a mistake. Not some bottle of perfume that has no association to it other than it came in the mail from me, a guy she decided to walk away from.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm just relating what has worked for this man's clients. It doesn't involve lying or misleading. It's just a gift.

 

No it's not. It's a manipulative trigger to try to coerce someone who doesn't want to be with you to be with you. It's just sketchy as hell.

[KathyM]

No it's not. It's a manipulative trigger to try to coerce someone who doesn't want to be with you to be with you. It's just sketchy as hell.

O.K. Fine. Don't shoot the messenger. The OP asked if he should break NC to try to get back with his girlfriend. I mentioned something that worked for others. It's not coercive anymore than product placement in movies or T.V. shows, or subliminal messages in advertising. Maybe you consider those things coercive as well.

[organizedchaos]

O.K. Fine. Don't shoot the messenger. The OP asked if he should break NC to try to get back with his girlfriend. I mentioned something that worked for others. It's not coercive anymore than product placement in movies or T.V. shows, or subliminal messages in advertising. Maybe you consider those things coercive as well.

 

They ARE coercive. That's the point of advertising.

 

But it has no place in trying to get your ex back.

[Simon Phoenix]

O.K. Fine. Don't shoot the messenger. The OP asked if he should break NC to try to get back with his girlfriend. I mentioned something that worked for others. It's not coercive anymore than product placement in movies or T.V. shows, or subliminal messages in advertising. Maybe you consider those things coercive as well.

 

You've been white knighting it quite heavily, which is why you are getting my gunfire. And yes, advertising is coercive. I don't really understand your point -- you shouldn't be treating reconciliation with your ex the same way you treat trying to sell used cars.

[BC1980]

You've been white knighting it quite heavily, which is why you are getting my gunfire. And yes, advertising is coercive. I don't really understand your point -- you shouldn't be treating reconciliation with your ex the same way you treat trying to sell used cars.

 

I think you have to leave some of your dignity at the door to do something like this. I would feel like such a fool. Of course, I wouldn't send a guy perfume, but you know what I mean. There are so many internet sites dedicated to getting your ex back, but it seems like you need to loose some of your self-esteem to do what they say.

[Am4Real]

I have not read all of the comments, just answering you directly with a big FAT no -- as in NO do not contact her!

 

Christmas is just another day albeit a special religious day but for your purpose it's just another day in your healing process. Don't turn a plain day on the calendar into an excuse. Start the New Year on a high!!

[Kizmet Fisher]

OP, you should definitely stay in NC. There's not really a desirable outcome for you if you reach out to her. You aren't ready to handle it if she started talking to you or if she just ignores you.

 

Stay strong.

[Kizmet Fisher]

I have a suggestion. I'm sure others will likely not agree with me on it though. There was a counselor who recommended to his client, who wanted to get his girlfriend back, that he send her a gift of perfume. No contact other than sending the gift, unless she contacts him first. Then every time she wears that perfume, she will be reminded of you, and that will make her start to miss you and think about you. But your continued no contact will become very hard for her when she is thinking about you, but you are not there for her. Eventually, she will contact you because she is reminded frequently of you by wearing the perfume. This counselor swore by this strategy. You may want to have the Christmas gift of perfume delivered, with your name on it, but do not contact her. It worked for his clients.

 

This is a terrible idea, by the way. Very emotionally manipulative. You are effectively trying to classically condition someone to miss you.

 

I can just imagine the plug for this. "He may treat you like Pavlov's dog, but at least you'll smell pretty".

[berkeley1987]

I have not read all of the comments, just answering you directly with a big FAT no -- as in NO do not contact her!

 

Christmas is just another day albeit a special religious day but for your purpose it's just another day in your healing process. Don't turn a plain day on the calendar into an excuse. Start the New Year on a high!!

 

plain day my ass. to me its a day to spend with love ones. just watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and you'll understand, lol.

[KathyM]

Undeniably. That's what grinds my gears so much about those sites.

 

Oh, and subliminal messages in advertising is illegal, KathyM.

It is only illegal if it involves light or sound to convey a message that is not detectable to the conscious mind. Product placement is widely used and legal, as is other forms of advertising that doesn't involve misleading or lying to the public.

[KathyM]

This is a terrible idea, by the way. Very emotionally manipulative. You are effectively trying to classically condition someone to miss you.

 

I can just imagine the plug for this. "He may treat you like Pavlov's dog, but at least you'll smell pretty".

It's really no different than using NC as a strategy for getting your ex back. I don't really see buying your ex a bottle of perfume as anything so terrible. Conditioning is something therapists often use in therapy. It's something parents use in disciplining and raising their children. I guess you could say those are manipulative also.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's really no different than using NC as a strategy for getting your ex back. I don't really see buying your ex a bottle of perfume as anything so terrible. Conditioning is something therapists often use in therapy. It's something parents use in disciplining and raising their children. I guess you could say those are manipulative also.

 

Please stop trolling this thread.

[KathyM]

Oh my God... this just keeps getting better and better...

 

And anyone who advocates NC as a strategy for getting an ex back is a moron.

Well, it's promoted on this board all the time as a way to get your ex back. If you have some better idea for the OP as to how to get his ex back, feel free to share it. I shared what was told to me as a strategy that has proven to be effective. He is free to ignore it if he considers this inappropriate.

 

Aren't you being a little overly dramatic? I really don't think giving your ex a bottle of perfume for Christmas is bordering on the illegal.

[KathyM]

Please stop trolling this thread.

I'm not trolling. I'm actually trying to give the OP a suggestion on how to get his ex back, since that seems to be what he wants.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not trolling. I'm actually trying to give the OP a suggestion on how to get his ex back, since that seems to be what he wants.

 

You are trying to recruit him as one of your clients. And he already said that he considered it creepy, yet you are still pitching it.

[berkeley1987]

I'm not trolling. I'm actually trying to give the OP a suggestion on how to get his ex back, since that seems to be what he wants.

 

i said it was creepy, i'm mos def not going to do this. i'm just trying to make amends with my ex, getting back is on her terms there's nothing i can do to get her back.

[Simon Phoenix]

i said it was creepy, i'm mos def not going to do this. i'm just trying to make amends with my ex, getting back is on her terms there's nothing i can do to get her back.

 

Honestly, if you have to contact (I don't think you should, I don't think you are ready), I'd wait until after the holidays. Do it randomly, not on a day where there is emotion involved. I feel you are putting way too much hope into this right now.

[berkeley1987]

Well, here's hoping contact with her doesn't ruin your Christmas.

 

I don't envy you for what you're about to do. Good luck, I guess.

 

it won't be ruined if she doesn't reply, i deserve it after our last encounter. i just want to put it out there that i'm no longer angry and bitter, because last time we spoke i had some hurtful things to say. she told me, "you can spend the rest of your life being angry at me, but that will effect any type of reconciliation it the future, platonic or romantic."

[Trick1004]

My ex isn’t going to hear a damn word from me. If I get a happy xmas message from her I’ll:

 

• Ignore it.

• Maybe say “Thanks, you too.”

 

I’m looking at the things I don’t have to do this holiday season:

 

• Juggle Christmas between two different families in the same town, this year I get to spend it solely with mine! (Well at least half of mine).

• Thinking for hours about what the ex and her family might want and then worry it isn’t the right thing.

• Pretend that the gifts (that I don’t want or need) from her family are the best things I’ve ever gotten.

• Watch the ex open up what I got her and pretend she loves it. Then hearing about how she doesn’t later.

• Listen to her dad tell the same stories over and over again.

• Getting hauled around to her family’s holiday events (they are what passes for socialites in this town).

 

Ya, I guess I’m looking forward to this holiday season without the ex!

 

In all seriousness though, I know this can be an emotionally charged season for people. Whatever you do if you think it will set you back DON’T DO IT.

 

Happy holidays! Spend it with people that love and respect you!

 

Trick

[KathyM]

You are trying to recruit him as one of your clients. And he already said that he considered it creepy, yet you are still pitching it.

I have no interest in recruiting people from this site as clients, and it would be very inappropriate to try to do so, not to mention unethical. I'm not sure where you came up with that.

[organizedchaos]

I have no interest in recruiting people from this site as clients, and it would be very inappropriate to try to do so, not to mention unethical. I'm not sure where you came up with that.

 

So YOURE the counselor promoting this method? Not what you've been told? That would explain a lot.

 

And where is it promoted all over this board to use NC as a way to get your ex back? Please show me where this idea is promoted.