confident Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I went on a first date with a girl that lives about 150 miles away. I found her through OLD. She had concerns about the distance, but it appears that she was interested enough to give it a try. She is a very pretty, family oriented and a balanced girl that is interested in a serious relationship and marriage, and so am I. I drove to her city. Without going into the details, I must add that the date went amazingly well. I got a thank you message from her and asked her out again next week at a location that is a little closer to me, but still about 100 miles away. This is where it gets confusing. She totally agreed to the second date but said she may either drive herself or have a guy friend drive her. I am not able to figure out why does she plan to have a guy friend drive her. Most people suggest midway meetings or an equal amount of driving over the longer term. Sensing her discomfort around the drive, I said that I will pick her up from home instead, to which she agreed. Questions for you for the third date and beyond - I am used to long drives and I am prepared to do most of the driving, but does that possibly mean she thinks I am too interested and loses interest eventually ? Is she testing me for how much I am prepared to do ? If I ask her to drive to a city that is midway or to my city, she may just lose interest anyway. Has anyone had similar experiences ? Ladies, please share your opinion as well. I like her but do not want her to see me as over interested and then she ends up losing interest after a few dates just because of that.
soccerrprp Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 OMG, please stop with the "don't want to appear 'over-interested' crapola." If you think that doing the driving is worth it, then do it. The flip-side is that b/c you won't, you'll seem uninterested. Anyway, if you think she's worth it and it's going well, make the drive. I think a hundred miles is too much myself, but only the two of you can work that out. I think it odd that she would have a friend (let alone guy) drive her that distance for a date. Is this friend supposed to hang around until the date is over in the background and then drive her back? Or is she hoping that you will drive her back? It could have been her way to get you to respond as you did. Drive all the way to her. Good luck.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 My boyfriends have always taken charge of the driving, close to 100%, for the entire relationship - but definitely in the beginning. I prefer more traditional gender dynamics and have relationships with men who do, too. Them taking the lead on the driving is nothing but a turn-on to me. I'm appreciative of it and always express that. I'm also happy to do the bulk of the work on other things. For example, I might do all or most of the meal planning and cooking. My last relationship was long distance for most of the time, and more than half the time, he came to me. While he was driving, I was grocery shopping for the weekend for us, cleaning house, washing the bedding, cooking food for his arrival. I think you should do the driving in the courtship stage. This communicates to the woman that you think she's worth the effort. Then once you're more solid, you can work out another plan if you like. Or you may find that she's doing enough "woman" things on her side to balance out the "man" thing of you taking care of the driving. Good luck!
Delilah1623 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Did you ask her about the driving? There might be some reason for it other than wanting you.to.do.the work that you are not aware of. I was in a not horribly serious accident but it messed up my neck badly and now I personally hate to drive. It makes me anxious, my hands get sweaty and I hunch over the steering wheel and end up with a back ache lol My boyfriend and I are about an hour and a half apart and had some issues with the driving at first. He does do most of the driving because he meets his ex in my town to pick up his son. Sometimes he picks me up too and I spend the weekend there. I do like him to come here on the weekends he does not have his son also because I have 3 dogs, including a great dane, and it is a pain to pack them up and spend the weekend at a place without a fenced yard. He originally felt it was fair that I drive up there every other weekend because he was here the other weekends... until I reminded him that was to get his son and he was here anyways, if we were dating or not. Now we kind of alternative every other, every other weekend... if that makes sense. If you really like this girl talk to her about it. If you both want it to work it will work.
CarrieT Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Did you ask her about the driving? ^ ^ THIS ^ ^ When you even contemplate a long-distance relationship, you HAVE to discuss the distance from the get-go. Several years ago, I contacted a guy online that I was interested in. When I learned he was around 100 miles away, I pulled back and HE was the one that said 100 miles wasn't that big of a deal (i.e., he had dated women much further and we were at least in the same state). Our first few dates were meet-in-the-middle events and then he started driving to me. We got married a few weeks ago… :love: But it only would have happened because we communicated.
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