DatingInYour40s Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I was dumped last weekend via text. He wouldn't even give me the decency to talk on the phone. He broke plans we had and wouldn't explain what was wrong. I am taking back my dignity and power and haven't responded to his final break up text which was something generic like "you're a nice person, not "the one", best wishes". I think it's better for me to be mad at him than to long for him so I've been thinking of how rude and cowardly it was for him to break up in that manner. I've been tempted since last night to tell him he's arrogant and not a good person. He is supposed to drop off some of my things this week and I'm sure he'll do it on an evening he knows I won't be home, however, there probably will be some sort of communication from him soon regarding that. Would it be helpful for me to tell him off (which is very unlike me but maybe i need to finally be a bitch) or just take the high road and act like he didn't effect me or? I think I know the answer but our feelings and emotions are all over the place after being dumped, so just curious of anybody's thoughts on this. I didn't even get a chance to say anything to him post break up on how I felt.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT make the same mistakes as me... u walk away, u keep your head held high and u IGNORE! u do WHATEVER it takes to get through the seconds, minutes, hours and days... until he has something to say that is worth listening too! x 6
Iguanna Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Write him a text saying "same goes to you, i need my stuff, plz drop them this hour this day, bye". Karma is a bitch, he'll find it from elsewhere. 2
Author DatingInYour40s Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Write him a text saying "same goes to you, i need my stuff, plz drop them this hour this day, bye". Karma is a bitch, he'll find it from elsewhere. Thanks. Should I write that even though his last text was Saturday morning. I really don't need any of the stuff but I guess I would be taking control by dictating when I want my stuff. Should I have him drop it off on my porch when I'm not there or actually see him face to face? I would like a second chance but I'm trying to keep myself from going there because it will hinder the healing process.
Iguanna Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Thanks. Should I write that even though his last text was Saturday morning. I really don't need any of the stuff but I guess I would be taking control by dictating when I want my stuff. Should I have him drop it off on my porch when I'm not there or actually see him face to face? I would like a second chance but I'm trying to keep myself from going there because it will hinder the healing process. Why do you want for yourself this kind of coward man, as you described him in your first post? Don't have such low self esteem, you surely deserve better, he has already shown that he doesn't want to be with you and that he is not a good character. If you really need your stuff, have him drop them when you are not home. But either way you got to ask for them, even if you don't need them, so he knows you are ok and over him.
Author DatingInYour40s Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Why do you want for yourself this kind of coward man, as you described him in your first post? Don't have such low self esteem, you surely deserve better, he has already shown that he doesn't want to be with you and that he is not a good character. If you really need your stuff, have him drop them when you are not home. But either way you got to ask for them, even if you don't need them, so he knows you are ok and over him. I didn't think I have low self-esteem but I'm taking a look at myself to find out why I would take someone back who dumped me. Yuck! Thanks - that's a good point. By asking them back, instead of waiting on him, is a small way of taking back my power. ETA - do I REALLY think he's a coward? I don't know. But like I said, as a defense/coping strategy, I'm trying to think of ways to not like him.
JDPT Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Keep your head high, he has humiliated you enough by choosing to break up with you over text. I can relate to you trust me, my ex did the exact same to me from a 4.5 yr relationship. All i can say is, save yourself some future grief. You hold a tremendous amount of value and you know that very well. keep strong.
fixing Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 He hasnt even got the balls to say it to your face, that means he's a spineless weak little nerdy twerp. DONT SAY A THING TO HIM. It will hurt his ego if you completely cut off all contact on him darling! No contact. x x x x
ponchsox Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Don't do it, it wil make you look unstable and crazy. Trust me, I did it and wish I hadn't. Now I know how to handle it if it happens again.
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Do not beg him to take you back. He's not worth it. What a jerk for breaking up with you via text. If you want to yell, try to keep it under control. I think a contemptuous snarl along the lines of spineless coward with no manners for breaking up with me via text would be OK but don't say anything about wanting him back or that you used to care about him.
stillafool Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 He has told you, "you're a nice person, not "the one", best wishes". That's pretty final to me. Your best bet for your own sanity is to not contact him at all. Let him keep whatever he has of yours since you said it was not important anyway. Do not ask him questions that will make him say things that will hurt you more than you are hurting right now. Please do not lower yourself to ask for a second chance. Be thankful he told you the truth rather than keep you on the side for sex while he looks for the love of his life. You will be okay.
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 No, it doesn't accomplish anything! They don't care what you think of them, and even if you don't say that you care about them, a message attacking their character is still saying "I'm not over this and need to project my residual feelings onto you." I think it can accomplish something -- namely letting the hurt people feel like they took some control back. It doesn't matter so much that it doesn't change the dumper's position but if someone in pain feels better by making 1 snide remark to someone who hurt them, I think that's OK. When the snide remarks continue, & drag on so they become a negative substitute for the relationship, that's a problem but I will never tell somebody not to say something once for the purposes of having the last word on the subject. Moreover, assuming the OP's screename reflects a current lifestyle position I think grown ups can muster & master one last parting shot.
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 So grown ups make snide remarks, but children stay silent? Err.. ok. No grown ups make one parting snide remark. I'm not saying that dignity & power can't be restore through silence but sometimes in the heat of the moment / pain of the aftermath not everybody has that self control & I'm not about to vilify somebody for a single comment. (I am not saying that you are vilifying anybody). Silence & stoicism are better but one nasty crack isn't the end of the world & if the speaker feels better, so be it.
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