skela Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 If someone asks you out and you're not really interested in going do you ever just say no or do you string them along until they get fed up and leave you alone. Would love to hear guys and girls perspective on this.
princess_peach Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Well, I never just say no... if I'm not interested at all, I try to say no politely. But as long as it's not inconvenient for me, I'll go on a first date with anyone that I'm at least slightly interested in, just to be sure. I won't string them along longer than that though.
ltjg45 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 If I am not interested, I will simply say "no". If I'm questionable on it, I will also say "no". No point trying it out if it all going to fall flat weeks or months later. I have to be sure initially that I have positive interest in her to want to date her. If I am not certain, I will turn it down. 1
SoonMyFriend Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 If I am not interested at all I say no. Politely. (Or sometimes awkwardly because this often happens when I have been drinking or in a social setting). If I am a little bit interested or attracted I will say yes but not string along longer than a couple dates. For me, it can take about two dates to really figure out whether I like someone and want to see more of them if I am on the fence.
soccerrprp Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Sure. No is a powerful and helpful word when used appropriately. You can get into a lot of trouble failing to say it when you need to.
tlegend Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 If I was genuinely not interested, I would say I had other plans and I couldn't go.....anytime she asked if I wanted to go out.
winny Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 If I am completely sure it is not gonna work out, I would say a polite no. If I am bit unsure, I would go on one date to see how it goes. Most of the times, before the date itself I tell them, hey if either or both of us do not like the other then there is no pressure... can say that to other without hesitation. But would never string someone along as a back up or something. That's really not fair. I wouldn't do something to another person that I wouldn't want someone else to do to me.
carhill Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 If someone asks you out and you're not really interested in going do you ever just say no or do you string them along until they get fed up and leave you alone. Would love to hear guys and girls perspective on this. As I've never had a single woman ask me out on a date, I can only speak to my other experiences and they've generally been resolved by 'I don't feel 'that' way about you, primarily because you're married'. However, I have said 'no' to continuing dating interactions in the past and it was generally a pretty direct 'no', if polite. This was generally due to dating a more compatible person at the time and choosing to be exclusive with them.
Author skela Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 I was wondering because the person that I am in a FWB situation with right now, when I asked him out initially he was always too busy and I know other people in that situation where they ask someone out and they get stories, etc but why not just say thanks but no thanks or something polite instead of stringing people along. It is to feed your ego, work up your courage, makes you feel in control. I just find it really odd. You have to remember that the other person has worked up the courage to ask you out and you are playing with their feelings. Sorry just my rant for the day. Maybe one day I will ask my FWB if he was sincerely too busy at the time.
tlegend Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I was wondering because the person that I am in a FWB situation with right now, when I asked him out initially he was always too busy and I know other people in that situation where they ask someone out and they get stories, etc but why not just say thanks but no thanks or something polite instead of stringing people along. It is to feed your ego, work up your courage, makes you feel in control. I just find it really odd. You have to remember that the other person has worked up the courage to ask you out and you are playing with their feelings. Sorry just my rant for the day. Maybe one day I will ask my FWB if he was sincerely too busy at the time. If the person who is supposed to be excited by you (your FWB) isn't getting excited anymore, maybe its time to let another cowboy onto the ride? There are many men out there that would love that situation you are trying to find. Trust me on that.
Author skela Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 If the person who is supposed to be excited by you (your FWB) isn't getting excited anymore, maybe its time to let another cowboy onto the ride? There are many men out there that would love that situation you are trying to find. Trust me on that. No, we are great actually. I was just listening to one of my girlfriends talk today and this guy, who is in sales, said that it's his busy time of year because of the holidays and he will let her know when he can see her and I'm wondering is he really busy or is he playing with her. Just makes me mad. My FWB he did the I'm busy thing and then I just did NC and then I heard from him again so maybe he was busy but just wondering if people ever just pretended instead of saying you know I'm involved with someone so no or something that ends it there.
tlegend Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 No, we are great actually. I was just listening to one of my girlfriends talk today and this guy, who is in sales, said that it's his busy time of year because of the holidays and he will let her know when he can see her and I'm wondering is he really busy or is he playing with her. Just makes me mad. My FWB he did the I'm busy thing and then I just did NC and then I heard from him again so maybe he was busy but just wondering if people ever just pretended instead of saying you know I'm involved with someone so no or something that ends it there. 1) You can be great with anyone, even people who actually have time for you. 2) Yes, people make sh#@ up all the time. I'm sure even you have at some point in your life. 3) I'm not saying he's not into you or lying or anything of that matter. I don't know this guy. What I AM saying is that if I were in a situation like this, I would not be telling my FWB "I'm busy". However, sex to me is more important than sex to a most people. I have an abnormally high sex drive (I'm not kidding, people say this, but I really do...), and with that being said, I don't tell FWB's I'm too busy for them unless I'm truely too busy. With all of THAT being said, I don't work 50+ hours a week, and no matter how tired I am, I make sure my FWB is still taken care of. That's the point of being monogamous FWBs.... to get mutual satisfaction through benefits. If it's not mutual, then what the hell you waiting around for. Find another boyfriend on the side for when this guy is shooting hot air up your ass.
Author skela Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 1) You can be great with anyone, even people who actually have time for you. 2) Yes, people make sh#@ up all the time. I'm sure even you have at some point in your life. 3) I'm not saying he's not into you or lying or anything of that matter. I don't know this guy. What I AM saying is that if I were in a situation like this, I would not be telling my FWB "I'm busy". However, sex to me is more important than sex to a most people. I have an abnormally high sex drive (I'm not kidding, people say this, but I really do...), and with that being said, I don't tell FWB's I'm too busy for them unless I'm truely too busy. With all of THAT being said, I don't work 50+ hours a week, and no matter how tired I am, I make sure my FWB is still taken care of. That's the point of being monogamous FWBs.... to get mutual satisfaction through benefits. If it's not mutual, then what the hell you waiting around for. Find another boyfriend on the side for when this guy is shooting hot air up your ass. I will let her know your point of view because it makes a lot of sense. I just started with my FWB and he's already called me about getting together tomorrow night and on the weekend so I guess he's not too busy now ;-)
tlegend Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I will let her know your point of view because it makes a lot of sense. I just started with my FWB and he's already called me about getting together tomorrow night and on the weekend so I guess he's not too busy now ;-) Good. That's how it's supposed to be. And after this amazing weekend, if he blows more hot air up your ass saying he's busy and you aren't being satisfied, don't go the NC route. It's obvious you want sex with this guy, and I'm imagining it's fairly good because you put up with so much sh#@ just to sleep with the guy. However, FWB isn't always a monogamous thing....and if you aren't being satisfied when you want, its your right to take things into your own hands, not his.
Author skela Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Good. That's how it's supposed to be. And after this amazing weekend, if he blows more hot air up your ass saying he's busy and you aren't being satisfied, don't go the NC route. It's obvious you want sex with this guy, and I'm imagining it's fairly good because you put up with so much sh#@ just to sleep with the guy. However, FWB isn't always a monogamous thing....and if you aren't being satisfied when you want, its your right to take things into your own hands, not his. Thanks Dad! Actually I can't imagine my dad giving me this advice. But you are absolutely right!!
gabgab Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 If I'm a little bit interested I will say yes. If I know I am not interested I let them down politely and if they keep pressuring I say no. I don't string people along. I did it a few times when I was pretty young, like 18-19 years old, but since then Ive always told people "Sorry not interested." When I did online dating a few years ago...I was constantly doing this because the majority of men just didn't strike my fancy or had too many incompatabilities with me. Reactions Ive gotten though range from "thanks for being honest, that's respectable" to "you are a st*** up biatch" to "okay I guess" to "wow you are really blunt" to "I hope you rot in he**" to people arguing with me relentlessly on how I judged them wrong, to almost having to get a restraining order against someone once, to having close work friends cut me off socially and so on...its not always good to be blunt. I don't string people along at all anymore because I know what I want. When I was younger I wasn't always sure if I was stringing them along
MalachiX Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 GUY'S PERSPECTIVE: It is possible to let someone down easily without "stringing them along." If you say, "I'm kinda busy" or "I'm not feeling well right now" without adding "but I'd still like to get together at some point" or "hit me up when I'm feeling better;" I'm going to assume that you're not interested and move on. That's totally cool as far as I'm concerned. It doesn't make me feel bad because it's softer but it doesn't string me along because, if you were really interested, you'd offer an alternative when we might go out. What's wrong is when you're essentially dangling a carrot to keep a guy as an option or because you like the attention. Like when you repeatedly say you're interested in doing something at some point but that time never comes. If you're not THAT interested and don't really want to go out with someone then don't offer them too much hope. Don't keep up with them because you like having someone to talk to but have no interest in dating them. Don't push things back because you're interested in another guy but don't know if he likes you as well.
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