irc333 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Ever seen people who had gotten married to a person you didn't think they had ANY interest in? A female friend of mine's daughter...she's early 20's...got married to a guy she had known years ago. She was currently dating men that came and went....a couple were rather long term. Her current husband , PRIOR to her was dating a woman that was a good friend of HERS....why? In order to be close to HER. She was using said women to get to her. SHe had no interest in this guy...initially, because I think he was a "Nice guY" and she was kind of on a douche'bag roll. Then finally she decides to MARRY the guy she SHOULD have married to begin with?? This isn't the FIRST time I've seen this happen. SOme even go as far as back to an old high school crush or prom date after being married and divorced or just through relationships up until their 30's or 40's even Why does this happen?? 1
polynomial Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Would like to read people's opinions and experiences with is as well, so bumping:)
soccerrprp Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Realistically, this is as common or less than you think. I don't know ANY friends or acquaintances where they've married their "original" SOs. This happens to people who tend to be more provincial, less mobile (geographically). All of my friends have lived in other parts of the country, world and married people they met on the way. This is not, imo, a mysterious phenomenon to figure out. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Realistically, this is as common or less than you think. I don't know ANY friends or acquaintances where they've married their "original" SOs. This happens to people who tend to be more provincial, less mobile (geographically). All of my friends have lived in other parts of the country, world and married people they met on the way. This is not, imo, a mysterious phenomenon to figure out. I have to agree with this. I can only name maybe one or two people who have done so. I really think it does depend a lot on demographic. 1
xxoo Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Young couples are encouraged to date others, not get too serious too soon, and not marry young. Sometimes those couples get back together, but it is very rare in my circle (most people where I live are not from here, but rather moved here after college).
MissBee Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) Ever seen people who had gotten married to a person you didn't think they had ANY interest in? A female friend of mine's daughter...she's early 20's...got married to a guy she had known years ago. She was currently dating men that came and went....a couple were rather long term. Her current husband , PRIOR to her was dating a woman that was a good friend of HERS....why? In order to be close to HER. She was using said women to get to her. SHe had no interest in this guy...initially, because I think he was a "Nice guY" and she was kind of on a douche'bag roll. Then finally she decides to MARRY the guy she SHOULD have married to begin with?? This isn't the FIRST time I've seen this happen. SOme even go as far as back to an old high school crush or prom date after being married and divorced or just through relationships up until their 30's or 40's even Why does this happen?? There is no such thing as "should have married to begin with." This happens sometimes but certainly many people do not marry some "original" person they used to date in the past. In just thinking off the top of my head, most of my friends and family members aren't married to some "original" person or old flame that they got back together with. For those who do though, this happens because such is life and sometimes things don't work out the first time around or you have no interest in that person until later on in life for whatever reason. It's really not anything mystical or mysterious from how I see it...but simply that there will be some folks in life who marry an ex or old flame and some who won't. Edited December 10, 2013 by MissBee
Dallers Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Simply, companionship. If a woman believes that a man is a stable and a good earner then love does not need to come into it. Especially if the woman is looking to raise a family with a man who will not run off with his secretary because it is all about love and lust rather than till death do they part. How many marriages based on Love last?! Later in the marriage the passion might fade but I can see personally why the average Joe settles down with the average Doris.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Young couples are encouraged to date others, not get too serious too soon, and not marry young. Sometimes those couples get back together, but it is very rare in my circle (most people where I live are not from here, but rather moved here after college). This is a big part of the reason. Young couples are not encouraged to think of dating as a gateway to marriage. We are told that dating is about fun and experiences and such. It is. However, that was supposed to be a by product, not the point. The point was to have fun and experiences while looking for a marriage partner. Now, people will date, find someone really compatible....then break up with them and waste a decade or more with people who are clearly not compatible with them. Why? Just because everyone else is. (Yet still many young people think that being 30 or over and not married is a red flag).
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Even though the question in the OP is so poorly composed that most here can't make enough sense of it, the answer/reason for the seeming phenomenon connects completely to people valuing their original investments IN others, which is really the backbone to human mating. Otherwise we would do'em and dump'em... If person A marries person B at age 23 (both)... and they stay together, and suddenly find themselves 39... and one is wildly successful, with oodles of money... well everybody knows he/she could upgrade to a younger/hotter/more-sought-after partner if it was all for gratification in the here and now. But the reality is, the things that healthy such people value most in their whole lives are the snowballing personal investments they have made in others close to them. That's why most would opt for a chance with the certain classmate they saw at their 25th high school reunion over the current "Miss January", despite Miss January's optimum figure, and amazing good looks... it's all about investments made long ago, and building on same. (but this stuff should be obvious)
lino Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 This is a big part of the reason. Young couples are not encouraged to think of dating as a gateway to marriage. We are told that dating is about fun and experiences and such. It is. However, that was supposed to be a by product, not the point. The point was to have fun and experiences while looking for a marriage partner. Now, people will date, find someone really compatible....then break up with them and waste a decade or more with people who are clearly not compatible with them. Why? Just because everyone else is. (Yet still many young people think that being 30 or over and not married is a red flag). Brilliant post that hits the reality of it all perfectly. Every ex girlfriend I ever had before I met my current one, I had intentions of marrying one day. They all left me either without giving a real reason (the usual 'you're a nice guy...but...' bulls#it) or because they said the didn't want to commit (however had no trouble committing to drug dealers and/or violent men). It's what I'd call the 'sex and the city' lifestyle of just serial dating until the biological clock kicks in and then average provider Joe seems appealing all of a sudden.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Even though the question in the OP is so poorly composed that most here can't make enough sense of it, the answer/reason for the seeming phenomenon connects completely to people valuing their original investments IN others, which is really the backbone to human mating. Otherwise we would do'em and dump'em... If person A marries person B at age 23 (both)... and they stay together, and suddenly find themselves 39... and one is wildly successful, with oodles of money... well everybody knows he/she could upgrade to a younger/hotter/more-sought-after partner if it was all for gratification in the here and now. But the reality is, the things that healthy such people value most in their whole lives are the snowballing personal investments they have made in others close to them. That's why most would opt for a chance with the certain classmate they saw at their 25th high school reunion over the current "Miss January", despite Miss January's optimum figure, and amazing good looks... it's all about investments made long ago, and building on same. (but this stuff should be obvious) Hmm... this could also explain why people stay together when they should not. i.e. being so far into a bad relationship and not wanting to "lose" everything they've invested.
lino Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 In regards to the OP, I've never seen that sort of thing as a regular pattern.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Brilliant post that hits the reality of it all perfectly. Every ex girlfriend I ever had before I met my current one, I had intentions of marrying one day. They all left me either without giving a real reason (the usual 'you're a nice guy...but...' bulls#it) or because they said the didn't want to commit (however had no trouble committing to drug dealers and/or violent men). It's what I'd call the 'sex and the city' lifestyle of just serial dating until the biological clock kicks in and then average provider Joe seems appealing all of a sudden. Men do it too, and it's not that new. The idea that certain people in society were only there for sex, while others where "marriage matterial" is an old one. What's new is that now it is such an homogenized idea of who is what. Example...many black men will tell of white and other non-black women who use them for sex. Yet those same women would never walk hand in hand with that very same man.
WhoreyBull Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Something tells me I won't be going back to my now transexual, rape charged, original ex.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Hmm... this could also explain why people stay together when they should not. i.e. being so far into a bad relationship and not wanting to "lose" everything they've invested. Truer words... (of course I might have said "Amen", but for the 10-character minimum post)
nescafe1982 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 You know, I don't know ANYONE who's married their "first" or "original" love. Seriously. No one. Guess it's because I've always lived in big cities. Maybe it's more common in the 'burbs? 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 You know, I don't know ANYONE who's married their "first" or "original" love. Seriously. No one. Guess it's because I've always lived in big cities. Maybe it's more common in the 'burbs? That's probably part of it. I know plenty of people who married a high school sweetheart, or an ex from when they were "too young" to get married (or not wise enough to recognize a good thing). I live in the burbs.
nomadic_butterfly Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Ever seen people who had gotten married to a person you didn't think they had ANY interest in? A female friend of mine's daughter...she's early 20's...got married to a guy she had known years ago. She was currently dating men that came and went....a couple were rather long term. Her current husband , PRIOR to her was dating a woman that was a good friend of HERS....why? In order to be close to HER. She was using said women to get to her. SHe had no interest in this guy...initially, because I think he was a "Nice guY" and she was kind of on a douche'bag roll. Then finally she decides to MARRY the guy she SHOULD have married to begin with?? This isn't the FIRST time I've seen this happen. SOme even go as far as back to an old high school crush or prom date after being married and divorced or just through relationships up until their 30's or 40's even Why does this happen?? LOL this is a sweeping generalization. Although I thought I would marry my first love the second time we dated as adults, I doubt I will marry him unless some very drastic things change and I am not exactly holding my breath I think a lot of people love familiarity and it's the whole "stick to the evil that you know" kind of deal (Caribbean idiom). My mom married my dad who was her first everything and two years into dating, she was pregnant with me and then not too long after my daddy put a ring on it. She is one of 15 kids and she is the only girl that married her first love. I've had quite a few women in my family marry or are in long term relationships with their second love though. I think a lot of times it's all relative too. You might meet someone when you are younger, date other people and are never really are quite able to have as strong of a connection or sometimes a former flame becomes more mature and stable so you might go back to them if you are tired of dating. Very few human being are naturally inclined to perpetual dating. I personally am tired of dating but I can't think of anyone in my past I would want to marry. Some miracle might happen and maybe my first love b/c he's the only man I've ever truly loved so strong but I am not a fan of his mom or best friend either so that makes me reluctant despite him confessing he still is in love. He still hasn't found someone like me with as strong of a connection and physical/spiritual/emotional chemistry. I see myself marrying someone whom I haven't met yet though...
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