Author Jules21 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I think once again you are all right, and I want to take into condiseration all of your advices. I know I will have a sefish and immature b*tch in front of me, because that's how she's been acting since she left, and without any respect for who I am and everything I did for her. I will get hurt, I know that, but I wanna make these walls collapse, I wanna get to the real her, I know how she is deep down. I'll try to stand with no emotions at all, don't want to make a fool of myself out there. Sidz, yes it was a real shock, for everyone. Not just me, our families are devastated. The day she snapped, she was supposed to take measurements with her sister for the wedding dress. Days/weeks before, she was saying crazy deep things about our future (I can't wait that we grow old together, can't wait that we have our child because you'll be the best dad ever, I can never lose you, everyday that I stand by you I'm happier and happier....), not to mention SHE proposed to me two months before, what a 180. What really kills me is that she left for someone she had been talking for less than two weeks, and knew for less than a month... leaving for a person who you think is truly better could somewhat make sense, but leaving for someone you don't know at all and have just been talking for two weeks? Anyways, it's definitely not the old her. And yes, it is just a fling. She almost admitted it herself, said she did not want to "build" anything with the guy, just not ask herself any questions. She turned her back to all of her friends, keeps sending text messages with pictures of pages of 50 shades of gray, and does nothing else but staying in that insane bubble with him. The comparison with your cousin seems to fit. Maybe she got scared she was going to get married, and settle for once, and wanted to try out other things...
Author Jules21 Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Ok, I've thought about what you all told me. I don't feel the same anymore really about that meeting. I know she'll walk in cold and distant, because she won't want to admit that she's making the wrong choices, and maybe she hasn't even realized it yet. I've also realized, even though I've known it for a while, that you can't force someone to do what you think is the right thing, i.e. in this case listening to my logical and rationnal explanations.... I know I'll have to break the ice at first, because if I tell her "ok, sit down, here it goes, bang", she's just gonna shut down and not listen to any of things I gotta tell her. Plus, I think that's what she expects from me. She expects me to spit it right out, but I don't want to do what she expects. Hence, I'm thinking of not saying anything really. So far, I'm the one who wrote, spoke, put my feelings out there, but her, she hasn't really said anything. So, I'm going to question her, slightly, about random and casual things, and I'll see how she reacts to that. She'll probably say that she's living the life, but I know too well that she isn't. Anyways, I really don't expect anything from that "date". I just keep telling my self that no matter what happens on that day, I'm the one leaving for a 10 days trip to San Francisco the next day, I'm the one leaving for a three weeks trip in Bali in a few weeks, I'm the one who's living the life, not her, and if she likes it that way, well, be it, she had everything she ever needed, love, affection, someone truly caring for her, comfort...
Author Jules21 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 So we met tonight. Long story short. She's moving in with the other guy, barely 2.5 months after leaving me for him. She says it was love at first sight, kinda. I told her everything, was truly honest with her and asked her to be the same. 2.5 hours of discussion. Deep, intense. She still loves me, but this thing was stronger and she couldn't stay with me knowing that she had feelings for the other guy. She said she tries not to think about me. She felt abandonned, but knows she asks for a lot (not to say a ton) of attention all the time. My main message was that I wasn't asking anything from her, just to fight with me and to tell me everything that she wanted from me, that I could give it all to her (not talking about material things here). She says she's lost and doesn't know anymore. She never said no to anything. At one point I almost believed she was gonna say, ok I'm coming back. She says that even if I forgive her, I'll always remember and couldn't forget, that she couldn't forgive herself for what she did. I told her that it didn't matter. I'd remember, but I'd remember it as a good thing. As the moment, the mistake, which allowed us both to realize what we needed for this love to be perfect. Told her I was willing to give her my trust once again, and that I wouldn't be scared that she would do it again because if she understood that, she'd always tell me what she wanted knowing that I'd give it to her. She heard it all. I don't know what to think really. I tend to be optimistic about it. I tell myself that I've told her everything she needs to know and that I've tried, at least. I guess I just have to give it time. What do you guys think? Asking me to marry her 5 months ago, leaving me 2.5 month ago for a 40 years old guy, and moving in with him now? Doesn't it look like it's going way too fast here? Don't you think she's completely lost?
Trep Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Okay, so I've been visiting LS for about 6 months now regularly but only just made an account specifically to reply to you. You need to go NC immediately and forget about her (easier said then done, I know). Anyone who is willing to do something as horrible as this to someone they supposedly "love" is not someone worth associating with in any way, shape or form. Who cares if she's lost or not. That's not your concern anymore, the only one you should be concerned about right now is yourself. 3
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 So we met tonight. Long story short. She's moving in with the other guy, barely 2.5 months after leaving me for him. She says it was love at first sight, kinda. I told her everything, was truly honest with her and asked her to be the same. 2.5 hours of discussion. Deep, intense. She still loves me, but this thing was stronger and she couldn't stay with me knowing that she had feelings for the other guy. She said she tries not to think about me. She felt abandonned, but knows she asks for a lot (not to say a ton) of attention all the time. My main message was that I wasn't asking anything from her, just to fight with me and to tell me everything that she wanted from me, that I could give it all to her (not talking about material things here). She says she's lost and doesn't know anymore. She never said no to anything. At one point I almost believed she was gonna say, ok I'm coming back. She says that even if I forgive her, I'll always remember and couldn't forget, that she couldn't forgive herself for what she did. I told her that it didn't matter. I'd remember, but I'd remember it as a good thing. As the moment, the mistake, which allowed us both to realize what we needed for this love to be perfect. Told her I was willing to give her my trust once again, and that I wouldn't be scared that she would do it again because if she understood that, she'd always tell me what she wanted knowing that I'd give it to her. She heard it all. I don't know what to think really. I tend to be optimistic about it. I tell myself that I've told her everything she needs to know and that I've tried, at least. I guess I just have to give it time. What do you guys think? Asking me to marry her 5 months ago, leaving me 2.5 month ago for a 40 years old guy, and moving in with him now? Doesn't it look like it's going way too fast here? Don't you think she's completely lost? Listen to Trep, he is absolutely right. She has chosen this path herself, you didn't force her to. She proposed to you was 5 months ago, but hey she didn't mean it after-all. There are people who after made a huge commitment, realize they weren't cut out of it and they RUN/ESCAPE. Don't be with someone who run/escape from commitment so easily. 1
BC1980 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Listen to Trep, he is absolutely right. She has chosen this path herself, you didn't force her to. She proposed to you was 5 months ago, but hey she didn't mean it after-all. There are people who after made a huge commitment, realize they weren't cut out of it and they RUN/ESCAPE. Don't be with someone who run/escape from commitment so easily. This is spot on advice. My ex nearly did the same. He never actually proposed but was wanting to get married this past summer. This was all unprompted. This was all him, so I thought he had finally decided to get married. I was so happy, then he calls it off a month later. It's awful. It truly is. These people toy with your emotions, and it's not uncommon. They really believe they can commit to you, but, when it comes time to do it, they can't. I found it nearly impossible to accept it because he was so convincing when he was in one of his "on phases." He even said this to me. When he felt like commitment was in the future, we were as happy as could be. People thought we were the most loving, happy couple and were totally shocked. It was very hard for me to let go, so I had to literally write down reality to remind myself. I'm not kidding. It was just so unbelievable to me what he did. You must go NC because its going to take you awhile to reconcile this. It took me months to actually believe and accept it had happened. It's such a bad idea to stay in contact with her.
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