irc333 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 When men ask women out, and woman says, "Sure, but as friends, okay?" BIG MISTAKE..HUGE mistake. Why? Because the guy will say, "Oh sure..no problem we'll get together as friends" as he winks at the little devil on his shoulder. LOL Happened with a female friend of mine...she did this to a guy...and then he calls her up..starts calling her cutie and stuff flirting with her hardcore...and she's like "Crap...not again!" Yes...it happens all the time with her. Agree..disagree? Men will only "go along with the going out as friends" just so they can attempt to change your mind...OR....they thiink you're lying.
Tony T Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Actually, if you REALLY LIKE a female enough and are willing to devote the time, very often the relationship can convert to romance. However, it takes a LOT of time, more than most men are willing to put in. Many women, especially attractive ones, seek men who want them for who they are and not for sex. The way they are sure that someone just cares about them is to have a guy who's a friend be devoted to them over a period of time without asking them for anything more than companionship. You've got to be really good at this but it works! If you're looking to get into a gal's pants pretty quick, this method won't work for you so forget it. Now....just how many men out there are willing to devote themselves to a woman for six months to a year without any guarantee whatsoever? I will say that if it pays off, you've got something really special. If it doesn't, you've got a friend forever...until she gets into a real romance and doesn't have time to spit on you. Life's a bxtch!
Author irc333 Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Hi Tony T..... Yeah it's gotta be based on your previous experiences, if you've been thrown into the "Friendzone" immediately by 10 women previously, and you get the point where the 11th woman makes an attempt...well, it's time to say, "Sorry, I wish you well" and loose her phone number. I hate getting into a conversation that starts off with, "So, if you weren't interested in dating...why did you give me your phone #" Only to be given the lame answer, "Well, you can never have too many friends cant you?" I think the reason I put a whole stop to this was because earlier...I met a woman that worked at a local bookstore....she was new there and I asked her out....she agreed to to lunch on her lunch break. We sit down and she starts talking about her boyfriend...and I say. "Woah, wait a min...why'd did you agree to a lunch date with me if you have a boyfriend" And she said, "Well, I'm allowed to have friends am I?" The whole answering question with a question game that women typically play. She actually saw me shake my head and we both awkwardly finished my lunch...glad it was a dutch thing. I'm sorry, you don't give your phone # out to a guy you JUST met in a bookstore if you have a boyfriend ,because the reason is so obvious. I think it was THEN I learned my lesson about not accepting friendship from a woman in that fashion. Actually, if you REALLY LIKE a female enough and are willing to devote the time, very often the relationship can convert to romance. However, it takes a LOT of time, more than most men are willing to put in. Many women, especially attractive ones, seek men who want them for who they are and not for sex. The way they are sure that someone just cares about them is to have a guy who's a friend be devoted to them over a period of time without asking them for anything more than companionship. You've got to be really good at this but it works! If you're looking to get into a gal's pants pretty quick, this method won't work for you so forget it. Now....just how many men out there are willing to devote themselves to a woman for six months to a year without any guarantee whatsoever? I will say that if it pays off, you've got something really special. If it doesn't, you've got a friend forever...until she gets into a real romance and doesn't have time to spit on you. Life's a bxtch!
FrankieFrank Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I don't think bf would be pleased to hear his gf just gave number away to some stranger and had lunch with them either. This woman sounds low quality to me.
RedRobin Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) Actually, if you REALLY LIKE a female enough and are willing to devote the time, very often the relationship can convert to romance. However, it takes a LOT of time, more than most men are willing to put in. Many women, especially attractive ones, seek men who want them for who they are and not for sex. The way they are sure that someone just cares about them is to have a guy who's a friend be devoted to them over a period of time without asking them for anything more than companionship. You've got to be really good at this but it works! If you're looking to get into a gal's pants pretty quick, this method won't work for you so forget it. Now....just how many men out there are willing to devote themselves to a woman for six months to a year without any guarantee whatsoever? I will say that if it pays off, you've got something really special. If it doesn't, you've got a friend forever...until she gets into a real romance and doesn't have time to spit on you. Life's a bxtch! I agree with most of this... it describes how I do things, in that I feel men are their most authentic selves in a friendship or non-romantic situation first. Being around them long enough to witness this is the tough part. I mostly only date men in my social circle or activity groups, and it is still hard. A lot of them have girlfriends that never once make it to these outings... so it can be tough to tell if they are legitimately single. I've also seen it happen that they act one way around friends... but treat me totally different when no one is around. And not in a good way! Will also add that the guy needs to be seeing some reciprocation from her... no friendship should be one sided. The whole point is to get to know each other without pushing the romance angle or sex right away with a stranger.... and about the woman who had a lunch outing with a total stranger even though she had a BF. Who knows if she really does. If she does, it leaves a bad impression. If she doesn't, then she just needs to find other ways to put off appeals for something romantic. It's really tough for women who want to get to know a guy. There is just way too much pressure from men to get physical ASAP... with romance and possible relationship as the bait... when 9 times out of 10, they aren't looking for any of that. Just the sex mostly. and someone to kill time with. Boring. Edited December 10, 2013 by RedRobin
MissBee Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 When men ask women out, and woman says, "Sure, but as friends, okay?" BIG MISTAKE..HUGE mistake. Why? Because the guy will say, "Oh sure..no problem we'll get together as friends" as he winks at the little devil on his shoulder. LOL Happened with a female friend of mine...she did this to a guy...and then he calls her up..starts calling her cutie and stuff flirting with her hardcore...and she's like "Crap...not again!" Yes...it happens all the time with her. Agree..disagree? Men will only "go along with the going out as friends" just so they can attempt to change your mind...OR....they thiink you're lying. I don't agree to this. Usually what happens is certain men will try to ask me out and I'll say I have a boyfriend or I will let them down gently about not being interested then THEY come back with the "But we can be friends..." line and I roll my eyes and am like yeah right, you just asked me out 2 seconds ago, you just told me you wanted me, now we can "be friends", I'm not an idiot sir, I KNOW that's not your plan! So for me, I have never been the one to agree to go out as friends with a man, he's the one who usually tries to slip the friend line in after I have said I'm not interested. Well actually I did do that with one guy who was a friend of mine who liked me, but this was many years ago. We were already friends and he asked me to go to dinner once and since we had a friendship before I agreed but tried to make it clear it wasn't a date. But he too was hoping for more out of it...lucky for him since we were actually friends and I liked him as a person, eventually it did turn into more. But that was with someone I already liked as a person and a friend and not some man I barely know asking me to go out and I agree to go as friends. I wouldn't agree to that...makes no sense.
RedRobin Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Off topic, but I like your sig line MissBee "Lust feels like love until it's time to sacrifice" Ain't that the truth! 1
Author irc333 Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 No matter how you explain it Robin...it is rather unnatural. It's going against the grain and doesn't work well with men in general (unless they are gay..not beig prejudice here) YOu say, "They treat you different when no one is around". Well, you say that like it's a BAD thing. And this seems to be an attempt to shame men for their natural behavior. When my parents met, their couplehood pretty much started immediately, they got a long great, shared the same values, liked doing the same things together, they really hit it off. (They met at the beach...and they were TOTAL strangers, they just happened to park next to each other). In my case, this woman didn't even want to be my friend either. She's more about having casual acquaintances if anything, and she had no intention of getting to know me as a friend, but just used it as an "out". I know some female friends that prefer a man to be straight forward with his intentions of romance. I'm a traditionalist after all. I agree with most of this... it describes how I do things, in that I feel men are their most authentic selves in a friendship or non-romantic situation first. Being around them long enough to witness this is the tough part. I mostly only date men in my social circle or activity groups, and it is still hard. A lot of them have girlfriends that never once make it to these outings... so it can be tough to tell if they are legitimately single. I've also seen it happen that they act one way around friends... but treat me totally different when no one is around. And not in a good way! Will also add that the guy needs to be seeing some reciprocation from her... no friendship should be one sided. The whole point is to get to know each other without pushing the romance angle or sex right away with a stranger.... and about the woman who had a lunch outing with a total stranger even though she had a BF. Who knows if she really does. If she does, it leaves a bad impression. If she doesn't, then she just needs to find other ways to put off appeals for something romantic. It's really tough for women who want to get to know a guy. There is just way too much pressure from men to get physical ASAP... with romance and possible relationship as the bait... when 9 times out of 10, they aren't looking for any of that. Just the sex mostly. and someone to kill time with. Boring. don't agree to this. Usually what happens is certain men will try to ask me out and I'll say I have a boyfriend or I will let them down gently about not being interested then THEY come back with the "But we can be friends..." line and I roll my eyes and am like yeah right, you just asked me out 2 seconds ago, you just told me you wanted me, now we can "be friends", I'm not an idiot sir, I KNOW that's not your plan! Right, that's why I do NOT agree to be their friend, I'll be okay as a casual aquaintence, but nothing more....then I just fade away from the distance and let her do the same as I move on.
Author irc333 Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) It's really tough for women who want to get to know a guy. There is just way too much pressure from men to get physical ASAP... with romance and possible relationship as the bait... when 9 times out of 10, they aren't looking for any of that. Just the sex mostly. and someone to kill time with. Boring. You know it's funny how women think if a man doesn't want to be your buddy and wants to go out on a date with you...that he's trying to get into your pants. Women, think automatically think it's a one night stand. I think men find it more hard to try to not cross into the "Friendzone", which is what usually happens if you *ick around for too long being a woman's buddy while she's winds up with a boyfriend that beat you to the punch. Edited December 10, 2013 by irc333
Author irc333 Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 You women complicate matters. LOL If you're interested in him - agree to a date If not..do not spend any time with him at all. I don't agree to this. Usually what happens is certain men will try to ask me out and I'll say I have a boyfriend or I will let them down gently about not being interested then THEY come back with the "But we can be friends..." line and I roll my eyes and am like yeah right, you just asked me out 2 seconds ago, you just told me you wanted me, now we can "be friends", I'm not an idiot sir, I KNOW that's not your plan! So for me, I have never been the one to agree to go out as friends with a man, he's the one who usually tries to slip the friend line in after I have said I'm not interested. Well actually I did do that with one guy who was a friend of mine who liked me, but this was many years ago. We were already friends and he asked me to go to dinner once and since we had a friendship before I agreed but tried to make it clear it wasn't a date. But he too was hoping for more out of it...lucky for him since we were actually friends and I liked him as a person, eventually it did turn into more. But that was with someone I already liked as a person and a friend and not some man I barely know asking me to go out and I agree to go as friends. I wouldn't agree to that...makes no sense.
Author irc333 Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 BY the way, EVERY time I tried to be a "friend" to woman, she wound up falling for another guy...romantically of course. And they weren't "Friends" for long...they hit it off immediately. I've known marriages to happen this way...of course they dated for a while first. So do not BS me on this....again...you're going against what is natural Red Robin.
Author irc333 Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Actually, if you REALLY LIKE a female enough and are willing to devote the time, very often the relationship can convert to romance. No it wont, you'll wind up in the friendzone...I thought we had tons of threads about men being friendzoned....you should know better, Tony (you ARE a guy, right)? LOL (teasing) ;-)
MissBee Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 You women complicate matters. LOL If you're interested in him - agree to a date If not..do not spend any time with him at all. This person was a friend of mine before any talk of dating came up. I wasn't going to just say "Sorry can't be friends anymore." I didn't complicate matters, if anyone did, it was him. But all the same, it ended up working out for him as I said. The difference as I already pointed out, and as someone else mentioned, is that he was not some random man on the street or at the bar who tried to ask me out. In such instances if I am not interested, I am not going to agree to go out as "friends" with a man I don't really know. However, if we ALREADY have a relationship as friends and I already like you as a person, then agreeing to go out some place with you isn't as unusual and it is easier to transition from that to more (which is what happened in this case).
Author irc333 Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) Okay, how about this...there's this store I'm a "regular" at....I keep seeing this cute cashier on a regular basis...we've playfully talked and I flirted with her and got her giggling. Found out she's the youngest of 8 in her family, she lives with her parents, and of course she's adorable and very sparkly eyed. I think our banter started when she took notice of a food I had purchased she had never had before and asked me if they were any good (because they looked tasty). You think my frequency in which I go to that store to buy stuff (which is like once or twice a week running errands) I may just ask her out only because she's seen me on a few occasions? Would that justify me asking her out, or still put me in the "total stranger" category? Just an example of course. That's something I used to do awhile back...become a regular at stores or restaurant. Of course, I always find out they have a boyfriend though...she's yet to mention a boyfriend though. Just an example. This person was a friend of mine before any talk of dating came up. I wasn't going to just say "Sorry can't be friends anymore." I didn't complicate matters, if anyone did, it was him. But all the same, it ended up working out for him as I said. The difference as I already pointed out, and as someone else mentioned, is that he was not some random man on the street or at the bar who tried to ask me out. In such instances if I am not interested, I am not going to agree to go out as "friends" with a man I don't really know. However, if we ALREADY have a relationship as friends and I already like you as a person, then agreeing to go out some place with you isn't as unusual and it is easier to transition from that to more (which is what happened in this case). However, if we ALREADY have a relationship as friends and I already like you as a person, then agreeing to go out some place with you isn't as unusual and it is easier to transition from that to more (which is what happened in this case). Hmmm, not sure I agree with you...yet again it winds up being another friendzone situation. *shrug*. Usually when someone uses the word "friends" its rather ambiguous nature. With me...I define most "friends" more as acquaintance....where as with friends...I hold value to the nature of our relationship (male or female) and is usually someone I confide in. ... and it is easier to transition from that to more (which is what happened in this case). So you're saying it becomes a "No hard feelings" situation because you've already established rapport and it's less of a dissapointment? I have to say, we just have to agree to disagree....I'm just not wired like that, sorry...again ---> old-fashioned traditionalist. Edited December 11, 2013 by irc333
MissBee Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 (edited) Okay, how about this...there's this store I'm a "regular" at....I keep seeing this cute cashier on a regular basis...we've playfully talked and I flirted with her and got her giggling. Found out she's the youngest of 8 in her family, she lives with her parents, and of course she's adorable and very sparkly eyed. I think our banter started when she took notice of a food I had purchased she had never had before and asked me if they were any good (because they looked tasty). You think my frequency in which I go to that store to buy stuff (which is like once or twice a week running errands) I may just ask her out only because she's seen me on a few occasions? Would that justify me asking her out, or still put me in the "total stranger" category? Just an example of course. That's something I used to do awhile back...become a regular at stores or restaurant. Of course, I always find out they have a boyfriend though...she's yet to mention a boyfriend though. Just an example. Hmmm, not sure I agree with you...yet again it winds up being another friendzone situation. *shrug*. Usually when someone uses the word "friends" its rather ambiguous nature. With me...I define most "friends" more as acquaintance....where as with friends...I hold value to the nature of our relationship (male or female) and is usually someone I confide in. So you're saying it becomes a "No hard feelings" situation because you've already established rapport and it's less of a dissapointment? I have to say, we just have to agree to disagree....I'm just not wired like that, sorry...again ---> old-fashioned traditionalist. What is there to disagree with when I'm saying how it works for ME? You can't disagree with how things work for me. For ME, if we're already friends and you're someone who I could potentially like, it's easier for me to agree to hang out with you, since as friends we've probably hung out many times before and are comfy with each other versus some guy who comes to my job or elsewhere and asks me to go somewhere with him.It is also easier, based on the sheer fact that I am comfortable and know a man well, that if I agree to dinner or some such it could turn into more gradually. Re your original question: I never agree to go on just friends dates generally; I have agreed a few times though but in those cases, like the example I gave, it was only with men with whom I already had some kind of relationship as friends, i.e. we have hung out before either alone or with other people and are in the same social circle or some such. A man who is in the "friend zone" is usually a man I am not attracted to at all and cannot think of romantically. I simply have nothing but platonic feelings for him. There are men who are my friends though, who are not in the "friend zone" in the sense that while I may not have an active attraction to them there is enough there where if nurtured I could end up seeing them as more, as I am at least attracted to them in some way. Edited December 11, 2013 by MissBee
thefooloftheyear Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 (edited) Women crave attention from men...even if they arent interested in them physically..Men on the other hand, if there is no interest from the woman, then there really isnt much of reason to be "friends"... There are exceptions, of course...But it just seems like women love the "ego boost" that having a lot of male attention gives them..Men generally dont go after this, in my experience.. I am not saying you cant have opposite gender "real" friendships, I have/had some myself. IME, the guys I know of that have a bevy of female firends are usually gay.. Some women(not RR-of course .), keep men "friends" around for selfish reasons. Maybe the guy has a certain quality or is involved in a certain profession where he may be needed at some point..I have several friends of mine that complain about this..One is my computer guy..He has a story each time I see him about how women obviously flirt with him and try to befriend him(without ever giving him any real hope of anything when he shows interest), just so he can be at their beck and call when their laptop takes a dump. Or better yet..One of my best friends is a pretty successful guy that is a widower.. He was dating this woman for a while and she subsequently left him and moved on to someone else...She friendzoned him and he(like a dope) is still doing all kinds of things for her when she asks in the hopes of getting back together with her. He has even told her so..She always gives him hope, yet she is with someone else...Just recently hit him up for 2 grand so she can give her kids a nice Christmas....yeah..what a winner, there..I hope to God he doesnt cave.. There may be guys that do this type of garbage, but I never met any in my lifetime... TFY Edited December 11, 2013 by thefooloftheyear
Author irc333 Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 What is there to disagree with when I'm saying how it works for ME? You can't disagree with how things work for me. Not to be stereotyping here, but it probably works for you because you're a woman. Seems women are in control with how things work for them. Turned off by a cold approach by someone you barely know? Maybe you should be open to that? I think I am figuring how women are remaining single for too long, they limit their opportunities to meet men. "Oh, I won't date a guy at a gym, I'm busy working out" "Oh, I won't date a guy in the same class that I'm in" "Oh, I won't date a man working in the same building as me" And so on....
hotpotato Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I think sometimes a woman isnt attracted to a man. Thats how they end up in the friendzone. It doesnt matter how long or short of a time he has been hanging around. At least thats how I am. In my experience its best not to hang around a man unless I am romantically or sexually interested in him. I have also had guy friends who I rejected. They tried to still hang around me as friends even though they have proven they do not want to be friends. No thanks!
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