jaguar Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 LOL, I hate to be one of those guys. But I guess my problem is I am not ready for the easy life. I have to make it hard for myself. I could be right now working in a stable job in my country, getting into an arranged marriage, having a stable life. But no, I could not want that. I want the hard life. I left my country and came here. Why? Because I watched too many movies. Because I see some Hollywood movie and think "Now why can't I have that?" I think "why can't I fall in love and have an exciting life". And coming to this place has made things worse. I look at couples kissing and I want that too. I keep thinking "when is it going to be my time". I keep thinking it will come and I am already close to 30. Of course I just recently arrived. I am trying of course. But being from such a society, my game is pretty weak. I am not really familiar with the things that women like and I can't really be as aggressive as the guys here. Old habits die hard and I haven't really danced with a girl or flirted with a girl that way. I am truly lost. I don't belong anywhere. I don't want to live like the others in my hometown but I am too inexperienced to actually succeed here. If you keep trying, will it work at some point of time? It is hard to stay encouraged when day by day, it feels wierd. And being inexperienced makes me more anxious because I don't want to reveal my personal status to anyone. Sure they aren't asking but what if they do? One day, some guy was making a joke about virgins and I felt a little anxious. Unless I lose my virginity, I can't be friendly with people. I know that sounds crazy but that is what I feel. It consumes my thoughts and I am more and more withdrawn from people.
Meadowgreen Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 LOL, I hate to be one of those guys. But I guess my problem is I am not ready for the easy life. I have to make it hard for myself. I could be right now working in a stable job in my country, getting into an arranged marriage, having a stable life. But no, I could not want that. I want the hard life. I left my country and came here. Why? Because I watched too many movies. Because I see some Hollywood movie and think "Now why can't I have that?" I think "why can't I fall in love and have an exciting life". And coming to this place has made things worse. I look at couples kissing and I want that too. I keep thinking "when is it going to be my time". I keep thinking it will come and I am already close to 30. Of course I just recently arrived. I am trying of course. But being from such a society, my game is pretty weak. I am not really familiar with the things that women like and I can't really be as aggressive as the guys here. Old habits die hard and I haven't really danced with a girl or flirted with a girl that way. I am truly lost. I don't belong anywhere. I don't want to live like the others in my hometown but I am too inexperienced to actually succeed here. If you keep trying, will it work at some point of time? It is hard to stay encouraged when day by day, it feels wierd. And being inexperienced makes me more anxious because I don't want to reveal my personal status to anyone. Sure they aren't asking but what if they do? One day, some guy was making a joke about virgins and I felt a little anxious. Unless I lose my virginity, I can't be friendly with people. I know that sounds crazy but that is what I feel. It consumes my thoughts and I am more and more withdrawn from people. Hi there, I think you're incredibly brave to defy the traditions of your upbringing and start a new life in a whole other country. I can see why the Hollywood magic would be appealing, and you're not alone when you say that's what you want in your own life. I do however feel that you're putting tremendous pressure on yourself to lose your virginity, and if I'm honest? Women tend to interpret that as desperation and back off pretty quickly. Instead of tormenting yourself over something as trivial as virginity (I know plenty of people in their mid to late 20s who are still virgins and they are perfectly lovely, attractive and successful, they're just waiting for the right person) why don't you instead focus on getting out there and meeting more like-minded people? Often when you come to a new country, there'll be local communities set up by people from your native land so you can connect with people from home. Is there anything like this nearby? Maybe if you look online you can find an online community and get talking to people? We're also lucky in this age of the internet that there's always things to do if you're lonely. Check out Yelp and Meetup and see if there's any local events going on in your area. You can turn up at an event as a stranger just like everyone else, and make some fantastic friends! Give it a try. This is an exciting chapter in your life. Don't let something like insecurity or loneliness spoil it for you. Best of luck! 2
winny Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Hi there, I think you're incredibly brave to defy the traditions of your upbringing and start a new life in a whole other country. I can see why the Hollywood magic would be appealing, and you're not alone when you say that's what you want in your own life. I do however feel that you're putting tremendous pressure on yourself to lose your virginity, and if I'm honest? Women tend to interpret that as desperation and back off pretty quickly. Instead of tormenting yourself over something as trivial as virginity (I know plenty of people in their mid to late 20s who are still virgins and they are perfectly lovely, attractive and successful, they're just waiting for the right person) why don't you instead focus on getting out there and meeting more like-minded people? Often when you come to a new country, there'll be local communities set up by people from your native land so you can connect with people from home. Is there anything like this nearby? Maybe if you look online you can find an online community and get talking to people? We're also lucky in this age of the internet that there's always things to do if you're lonely. Check out Yelp and Meetup and see if there's any local events going on in your area. You can turn up at an event as a stranger just like everyone else, and make some fantastic friends! Give it a try. This is an exciting chapter in your life. Don't let something like insecurity or loneliness spoil it for you. Best of luck! Completely agree. Don't over think and be hard on yourself. Just start by making new friends and getting to know new people. If u like a girl, try to get to know her by being friends and ask her out. Don't think about impressing her by doing weird things. Nice girls will appreciate honesty n how genuine u r... try to build an emotional bond with a girl first... then she wouldn't think what your virginity status is
ZX4 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I noticed a few things about you and your post: 1) You seem very anti-social, so what Meadowgreen suggested probably wont work for you. 2) You think women, sex, and adventure are all material objects that can be bought, sold, and planned. The truth is, spontaneity gives birth to adventure. And love, sex, and relationships are not status symbols, and they're certainly not going to improve your level of self-confidence, alone. Sure , you can go out, have sex, and maybe get to know a few ladies, but if your dont work on feeling good about yourself, possibly even working out and becoming healthier (That is, if you dont already), you will always be blindsided by your own insecurities. If anything, having sex for the first time has the potential to make you MORE insecure, and depressed about your situation. You have got to attack this problem head-on by dealing with your self-issues, while simultaneously opening up, and coming out of your shell. Simply doing one, or the other wont help much, and has the potential to further break down your self esteem. 2
tlegend Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 LOL, I hate to be one of those guys. But I guess my problem is I am not ready for the easy life. I have to make it hard for myself. I could be right now working in a stable job in my country, getting into an arranged marriage, having a stable life. But no, I could not want that. I want the hard life. I left my country and came here. Why? Because I watched too many movies. Because I see some Hollywood movie and think "Now why can't I have that?" I think "why can't I fall in love and have an exciting life". And coming to this place has made things worse. I look at couples kissing and I want that too. I keep thinking "when is it going to be my time". I keep thinking it will come and I am already close to 30. Of course I just recently arrived. I am trying of course. But being from such a society, my game is pretty weak. I am not really familiar with the things that women like and I can't really be as aggressive as the guys here. Old habits die hard and I haven't really danced with a girl or flirted with a girl that way. I am truly lost. I don't belong anywhere. I don't want to live like the others in my hometown but I am too inexperienced to actually succeed here. If you keep trying, will it work at some point of time? It is hard to stay encouraged when day by day, it feels wierd. And being inexperienced makes me more anxious because I don't want to reveal my personal status to anyone. Sure they aren't asking but what if they do? One day, some guy was making a joke about virgins and I felt a little anxious. Unless I lose my virginity, I can't be friendly with people. I know that sounds crazy but that is what I feel. It consumes my thoughts and I am more and more withdrawn from people. Welcome to America. Some key points for you that I think will help you: 1) Confidence is everything. You like movies? What's one thing that all the main characters have in common that all the women pine for? Yes, its confidence. Right now, you have none. Change that. Even the appearance of confidence will get you further in life. 2) Go out and have fun. You've done the hard part, you left your home town. You are now living your life. Stop thinking about it. Go to a store and hangout inside. Window shop. Go to a coffee store and strike up conversation. You will soon find there are many outgoing people that will probably LOVE to hear about where you are from. 3) Do not become complacent. Don't sit around being scared to do anything. You've already done it! You're here! Now LIVE. 1
Recommended Posts