Frazzle Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I volunteer once a week and there's a girl who I've been acquainted with for about 3 months. We're friendly with each other but primarily stayed in the acquaintance zone because we only interacted once a week so it was hard to get to know each other. However, I felt like I'd built enough comfort with her recently so today, I took the plunge and decided to ask her to go eat. I was too nervous to ask her out directly so I said something along the lines of how we should go to eat someday and that she should show me some good restaurants in that area since I'm not from around there. I'm afraid this might give off the impression that it might be a friendly hang-out. However, she did seem receptive to the idea and did give me her number. She even gave me a light tap on the shoulder as she was leaving. Usually, I wouldn't emphasize this point but I do have to say this is the first time either of us broke the touch barrier with each other. This is a good sign right? So I was wondering what should I do now? Should I wait a couple of days before asking her to go eat? Or should I wait longer? And what can I say to make it clear that it's not just a friendly hang-out. Maybe something that's not too aggressive since I'm not a very forward person. I'm very inexperienced so I don't really know how to proceed lol. Also, is it going to be awkward if she turns me down or says she's busy since afterwards, I have to see her at the volunteer center? P.S. We are both in our 20s.
ShyGuy5 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Heres what you do. Ask her to go eat, no sense in wasting more time and potentially digging you deeper into a potential friend zone. If the moment is there you need to seize it. As far as the date, I would suggest you give her a hug at some point, either at the beginning or the end. This will allow you to show that you care about her without being too forward and kissing. This will work because its not like you are hugging everyone. 2
OrangeSnack Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Why not be blunt and just ask her out on a date? Hey (name) It was really fun hanging out with you last time. I was really hoping that I could take you out on a date (time)? What do you have to lose? I have always assumed girls love it when guys are forward.
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 You have her phone # right? Call her up. Don't text her. Chat with her about the local restaurants & ask her about her favorite __________ .. Fill in the blank with some details about qualities you'd like in a 1st date restaurant (but don't tell her that.) Then tell her that since she's your tour guide, she needs to let you take her there on [day of the week] to say thank you for the suggestion. When she agrees, end with "it's a date!".
Author Frazzle Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 I just wanted to see if there were any more replies.
Versacehottie Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 First of all, I believe her responses were good! Especially the touch barrier thing, very good! Minor but actually MAJOR!!! I think if you see her once a week then you should ask 2-3 days later. I don't think you have to make it clear that it's date or friendly hang-out--when you are asking--at least not in a formal way. In my opinion, I would think things could go either way. I'm sure she is thinking the same thing. You could do subtle thing when making the plans that give off the vibe that you want to please her, ie make sure she likes the place you are deciding to go to. Every part of the interaction is a chance to flirt with her, get to know her better and show her a good time...this starts BEFORE the actual date but while you are making plans. A biggie that shows it's more date than hang out is to pick her up. Friends meet up at places. Dates, except in non-driving cities, typically drive together. Then on the date, flirt & don't keep the conversation surface-y or just friendly. Take a risk and ask questions that guys+girls who like one another ask one another. Be playful & show your best self. Also don't worry if she can't do it the time&date you are trying to arrange. Sometimes it's purely a scheduling issue. A good thing to show you are interested is say "what day are you free this week?". I wouldn't worry too much about it being awkward if after first time you go out that you don't actually know where your friendship is going to take you. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time to define or for things to move into the romantic zone. Put it this way: she is not worried about things getting awkward or she wouldn't have said yes to going. Notice signs on the date that indicate romantic interest & go from there with your next step. I have a good feeling for you @ this. Good luck. 1
Author Frazzle Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 First of all, I believe her responses were good! Especially the touch barrier thing, very good! Minor but actually MAJOR!!! I think if you see her once a week then you should ask 2-3 days later. I don't think you have to make it clear that it's date or friendly hang-out--when you are asking--at least not in a formal way. In my opinion, I would think things could go either way. I'm sure she is thinking the same thing. You could do subtle thing when making the plans that give off the vibe that you want to please her, ie make sure she likes the place you are deciding to go to. Every part of the interaction is a chance to flirt with her, get to know her better and show her a good time...this starts BEFORE the actual date but while you are making plans. A biggie that shows it's more date than hang out is to pick her up. Friends meet up at places. Dates, except in non-driving cities, typically drive together. Then on the date, flirt & don't keep the conversation surface-y or just friendly. Take a risk and ask questions that guys+girls who like one another ask one another. Be playful & show your best self. Also don't worry if she can't do it the time&date you are trying to arrange. Sometimes it's purely a scheduling issue. A good thing to show you are interested is say "what day are you free this week?". I wouldn't worry too much about it being awkward if after first time you go out that you don't actually know where your friendship is going to take you. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time to define or for things to move into the romantic zone. Put it this way: she is not worried about things getting awkward or she wouldn't have said yes to going. Notice signs on the date that indicate romantic interest & go from there with your next step. I have a good feeling for you @ this. Good luck. Thanks for your reply Versacehottie. However, I just wanted to elaborate on how I can flirt. I'm really bad at this whole flirting thing so I wouldn't know how to go about it lol. I guess most of my conversations with girls are friendly so I don't know any other way. Also, is the choice of meal important? Say for instance, dinner is more date-like than lunch?
Elias33 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Thanks for your reply Versacehottie. However, I just wanted to elaborate on how I can flirt. I'm really bad at this whole flirting thing so I wouldn't know how to go about it lol. I guess most of my conversations with girls are friendly so I don't know any other way. Also, is the choice of meal important? Say for instance, dinner is more date-like than lunch? Don't think too much about this, you want to radiate confidence. Flirting can be done through non-verbal communication if you are not a good talker. Time your eye contact, smile, and act interested in what she likes. You will see this goes a long way. Dinner>Lunch. Good luck. 1
Sappa Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Don't think too much about this, you want to radiate confidence. Flirting can be done through non-verbal communication if you are not a good talker. Time your eye contact, smile, and act interested in what she likes. You will see this goes a long way. Dinner>Lunch. Good luck. Agreed. There's only one way to get better at flirting and it's through flirting. I remember when ever I decided to go for the question I would do things throughout the day to boost my confidence. Things that made me happy like snowboarding, talking to new people, and even striking up smalltalk with random people really helped. I practiced the numbers game in the mall and nightclubs allot over the past few years and the only way I learnt how to build sexual tention was through field practice. You could read every book/forum post out there but if you're not willing to push past your boundaries you'll get nowhere with the knowledge. Also this girl isn't going to randomly wake up one morning and fall for you, either she's interested in getting to know you or she's not and you move on. From the sounds of it she's willing to get to know you. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 oh gosh, i just wrote a very informative post. Whole thing disappeared. Sorry i cannot rewrite. short version is DINNER which is date vibe. Lunch says I'm hungry, so not sexy! you will be fine. make sure she has fun. I wrote a ton more.& am so bummed that it went away. Good luck& give us an update!
Author Frazzle Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 After gathering my nerves, I finally called her but she didn't pick up so I left her a message asking her if she wanted to go eat on Saturday. Unfortunately, I said lunch because I chickened out. Now the wait is the hardest part... if she doesn't reply, I don't know what to say to her when I see her on Monday.
Versacehottie Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Ok, well in future dinner is better. Realize if you go to lunch you will have to make it more clear that you are interested in her. But move forward with what you've got & what you said. Be fully committed to making that a good lunch. Also If she says she's got plans saturday at lunch time--well that's how you can switch it to dinner SOME night. It doesn't have to be only saturday. Scheduling is a real thing. So be a bit flexible. If she says she can't a certain date or time, it doesn't mean that she is not interested in you. Relax, be confident, have fun. Those are the things that will get you a second date. I don't be nervous about Monday if you haven't gone out yet. The tide turns all the time for a CONFIDENT person. Confidence is intriguing. Take it with a grain of salt. Still be friendly, show your best self ALWAYS. Glad you asked & Good luck!
Author Frazzle Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Never mind guys. She replied through email...since I don't have text and she said it was too late to call... that she and her boyfriend were out of town. Ouch... lesson learned. I don't know how I misread that so badly.
marvola Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I volunteer once a week and there's a girl who I've been acquainted with for about 3 months. We're friendly with each other but primarily stayed in the acquaintance zone because we only interacted once a week so it was hard to get to know each other. However, I felt like I'd built enough comfort with her recently so today, I took the plunge and decided to ask her to go eat. I was too nervous to ask her out directly so I said something along the lines of how we should go to eat someday and that she should show me some good restaurants in that area since I'm not from around there. I'm afraid this might give off the impression that it might be a friendly hang-out. However, she did seem receptive to the idea and did give me her number. She even gave me a light tap on the shoulder as she was leaving. Usually, I wouldn't emphasize this point but I do have to say this is the first time either of us broke the touch barrier with each other. This is a good sign right? So I was wondering what should I do now? Should I wait a couple of days before asking her to go eat? Or should I wait longer? And what can I say to make it clear that it's not just a friendly hang-out. Maybe something that's not too aggressive since I'm not a very forward person. I'm very inexperienced so I don't really know how to proceed lol. Also, is it going to be awkward if she turns me down or says she's busy since afterwards, I have to see her at the volunteer center? P.S. We are both in our 20s. My opinion is that you should have waaaay more confidence in yourself and you have to be master that can make an important
Dallers Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Heres what you do. Ask her to go eat, no sense in wasting more time and potentially digging you deeper into a potential friend zone. Agree with Shy Guy, although from his advice he should change his name. Your story sounds fine to me, you maybe waited a little too long to make the move but you got the result, her agreement, number and physical contact. I agree do not waste time now you have a chance to redeem the time you have wasted and she might have really like you at first but because you did not make a move you are now a backup, it is up to you now to bring yourself back to the front her mind so get your A game on and go in for the kill.
Versacehottie Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Ok well I think she replied in a good way. Nothing embarrassing to either of you. Now you know her CURRENT situation. You may not have misread her signals. Sometimes people are interested but not truly available until a bit down the road. Just think of it as planting seeds. She showed some interest; you showed some interest and who knows when that will come to fruition. I would continue to flirt a bit & be interested when you see her at her at your volunteer activities. SO many relationships start this way! I have a ton of stories I know where that's exactly what happened. It's pretty rare that both guy and girl are 100% available, ready and looking all at the same time. You should feel confident & proud of yourself. I would just think of her reply as one that says "not right now" rather than "never".
Author Frazzle Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 Ok well I think she replied in a good way. Nothing embarrassing to either of you. Now you know her CURRENT situation. You may not have misread her signals. Sometimes people are interested but not truly available until a bit down the road. Just think of it as planting seeds. She showed some interest; you showed some interest and who knows when that will come to fruition. I would continue to flirt a bit & be interested when you see her at her at your volunteer activities. SO many relationships start this way! I have a ton of stories I know where that's exactly what happened. It's pretty rare that both guy and girl are 100% available, ready and looking all at the same time. You should feel confident & proud of yourself. I would just think of her reply as one that says "not right now" rather than "never". If I continue flirting with her, I don't think her boyfriend would be too happy with it. I know I wouldn't be too happy if another guy was flirting with my girlfriend. But thanks for all of your guys' advice, especially yours Versacehottie. I feel like she did give me a subtle rejection so it wasn't too bad. She did suggest having lunch when we see each other at the volunteer activity on Monday since she'll start working earlier now so we don't have to drive far too grab lunch over the weekend. So I guess that is kind of like a consolation prize haha.
Versacehottie Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 If I continue flirting with her, I don't think her boyfriend would be too happy with it. I know I wouldn't be too happy if another guy was flirting with my girlfriend. But thanks for all of your guys' advice, especially yours Versacehottie. I feel like she did give me a subtle rejection so it wasn't too bad. She did suggest having lunch when we see each other at the volunteer activity on Monday since she'll start working earlier now so we don't have to drive far too grab lunch over the weekend. So I guess that is kind of like a consolation prize haha. Who the F cares if her boyfriend is happy with it or not I'm just saying it's a free world. Ok mild flirty, nothing too major and not ON 100% of the time. But definitely show interest. You want her to have you in her mind as guy she would date if she was free. And yes, we typically do that, just as guys do! Listen, i do think she was flirty with you before and her boyfriend wouldn't be too happy with that! She has an obligation to him; you don't! I think just breaking "the rules" could help up your confidence. Also, with this girl or any other, someone who STILL goes after what they want is attractive. Don't do the hard court press. But no need to retreat completely. And certainly go to lunch with her. Don't see it as consolation prize because it's really an opportunity. She is keeping you in her circle and close by. You don't have to accept a completely friend role if that's not what you want. Play by your own rules. I still think you have a chance, maybe not in the immediate future, but somewhere along the line. I can tell you this: I wouldn't be going to lunch on monday with some guy that I knew was interested in me, if I wasn't also interested. Maaaaayybe once but more than that no. Because she has a bf & it's bound to get awkward or uncomfortable if he ever expressed those feelings. She's not that worried so it's a good thing for you. Keep dating others & keep this girl in YOUR circle. It's not over yet. Be super confident. Important especially when you see her tomorrow that you don't let her see that subtle rejection has phased you AT ALL. Good luck!
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