Boyfriend broke up with me I feel like I lost everything

[Sammills]

My boyfriend of 4 years ended it with me out of the blue telling me he does not love me anymore. I'm still made in love with him. We talked everyday, sharing everything. He was my first in everything. All my friends are his friends. So I have no one. My family does not talk to eachother, and my parents have never said a kind word to me. I feel like I can't breath. I lost a best friend, all my friends, and my boyfriend at one time. I have made an appointment to see a doctor to talk about my feelings. I know time heals all wounds but I really need some support or advise or tricks in order to get over this. I never cry but now I start walking down the street and I burst in to tears. (Like a crazy person). Please help me

[Zahara]

My boyfriend of 4 years ended it with me out of the blue telling me he does not love me anymore. I'm still made in love with him. We talked everyday, sharing everything. He was my first in everything. All my friends are his friends. So I have no one. My family does not talk to eachother, and my parents have never said a kind word to me. I feel like I can't breath. I lost a best friend, all my friends, and my boyfriend at one time. I have made an appointment to see a doctor to talk about my feelings. I know time heals all wounds but I really need some support or advise or tricks in order to get over this. I never cry but now I start walking down the street and I burst in to tears. (Like a crazy person). Please help me

 

Hugs to you my dear.

 

You're not the only person to cry walking down the street. I've cried in grocery stores, while waiting for the train, at the post office when I was mailing the ex's things...we've all done it. And with that said, we've all gotten through it as well. And you will too!

 

Of course, it hurts. I remember going through a break-up all alone, with no friends or family. I felt so isolated and defeated. But it's through those terrible, down and out situations that you come out feeling stronger. I sometimes say if I could go through that, I can go through anything! You will have to take one day at a time. You will have to feel your pain. You will grieve because this is a loss, like death of a loved one. It's a process.

 

It's good you're seeing a counselor. It will help you find coping skills to get through this.

 

It would be good for you to start investing in yourself. Making your own friends. Taking up a hobby. Getting to the gym and starting on a workout program. Find some self-help books to help you find ways to rebuild yourself. You have to start learning how to be independent and move away from revolving your life around someone else. Focus on getting involved with positive activity and even if you feel like all you want to do is lay in bed and cry, you have to force yourself to get up and go.

 

You will have to go through this pain. I wish there was an easier way. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, that's for sure.

[Sammills]

I got a call from one of his friends that a girl asking me to go to the bar with her (she has no clue me and my bf are broken up) I am going to the bar with her but I called him to make sure thats ok. He said its totally fine and he understands that this is going to happen once and a while. Then he started telling me about his night last night and called me sweetie a few times but apologized each time he did it. He said that he still wants to stay friends. I want to stay friends too bc i dont want to loose everyone i know. Do you think by hanging out with him as just friends I can show him that were really good together. I am going to do this cautiously im not going to invest all my emotions in to this Im going to keep saying in the back of my mind, "He stopped loving you, he does not love you" If we get back together then great if we dont then I know i tried

[Thedafox]

Do not try and stay friends, you're still in love with him and he isn't the same, a friendship will NEVER work if one person wants more.

 

 

Go No Contact right now, go out with friends, play pool, go for a jog. Do anything you can to distract you. You will make it through this I promise you.

[CaliBabe]

You called him to ask if it was okay for you to go somewhere?

 

...Omg. No.

 

He does not own you.

[Sammills]

He definitely does not own me, im definitely not that kind of girl. I asked him because the he has been friends sense 1st grade with the girl that asked to go to the bar with me. On one hand he broke up with me but on the other hes is acting like we never broke up Its really confusing.

Edited December 11, 2013 by Sammills

[fixing]

Sammills, be under no false illusions. You cannot stay friends with an ex who you are 'madly in love with'

 

Thats self inflicting pain on your heart. I kinda find it a little repulsive that these dumpers can so casually say things like 'i want us to be friends, you can call me anytime' like they are doing you a ****ing favour!

 

You must cut all contact with him completely. You need to get over him. So avoid all social situations where he will be, do not discuss your feelings about him to mutual friends.

 

This will be hard, and i suggest you keep using this site as a tool. Its full of support and great people like me <<<< Haha, just joking. We are all here to help.

 

Stay strong dear

[Sammills]

I know I just want him to be happy, I know its cheezy but being with someone for 4 years it really makes me just want the best for him even if that means Im not in the picture. Its a weird feeling letting go because you want to make them happy. I feel like its either i go out with his friends and try to get over this or i cry by myself alone. I not going to try and hang out, I guess a small part of me wants to show him I can get over this as fast as he got over me.

Edited December 11, 2013 by Sammills

[fixing]

Or theres a third option? You break free completely and build a new life! With new friends. Broaden your horizon. I know its easy for me to tell you this and make it sound so easy, but seriously you got to break free from him and them completely while you heal.

 

You stay friends with him, its going to cripple you emotionally every time you hear his name mentioned, or when you see him drive off with a new girl, or when you catch him happily smiling and texting someone...

 

You need out of this situation for your own sanity.

[Sammills]

I am going to do that i joined a ski club at my university. I want to make new friends. I just dont think Im ready to let go of the ones i have made. In time i will. I think your right it will wrench at my heart to see him with someone else. (I kind of asked him to stay single for a few months, he said he was not going to look for anything and he would not want to hurt me like that). Do you think it will be fine if I just go out with just a few of his friends that are girls. I just need a drink. (im not going to turn to booze, to help me)

Edited December 11, 2013 by Sammills

[fixing]

That is great! Skiing! Im so happy for you, and that is a starting point to help you on the road to recovery.

 

As for the female friends? Are they good friends? You are close? Do they know that your ex left you?

I think its ok to go out with them girls if they are good friends, but they need to know that you are very vulnerable and heart broken right now and that you really dont need to be hearing things about your ex that upsets you...

And you really dont want anything getting back to your ex.

 

Its very tricky tbh, but if you need to get out and want a drink, keep your cards close to your chest.

 

WAIT. you say they are HIS friends??? And not so much your friends? Than i dont think this is a good idea at all. Cant you go out with non mutual friends? A brother or a sister?

Edited December 11, 2013 by fixing

[Sammills]

Well the one girl im not very close with and she does not know im no longer dating him but im going to let her know the min. im there that way shell get the hit that i dont want to talk about him. The other girl is actually my boyfriends best friends girlfriend but she was always closer with me, she knows were broken up. I have always been a very privet person never really telling people enough. I just want to escape for a little bit from all this loneliness. Skiing does not start for a month I have to return my ski pass my boyfriend bought for me, last week. His friend has a cabin that we would go to every weekend. Im not doing that any more.

[fixing]

Ok, well if one of these girls are your best friend then i think it is perfectly fine and probably very healthy for you to get out. Let her know that you are broken up.

I was just worried that you were going to go out of your way to hang out with the ex's friends which doesnt look good.

 

Just protect your heart and dont give away the fact your heartbroken to mutual friends who will tell the ex. He doesnt need to know.

 

And please avoid all contact with your ex. You need to start the healing process.

[haggard969]

well im going through a break up aswell, all i can say is. theres too many paths to take, what i am doing is im still there, being the sweet hearted guy who did everything for her, even though she put me through hell, n ive been doing it since we broke up. im just waiting for the right time to disappear completley, n make it click in her head what she lost,

 

things that help me out are reading situations similar to mine online. n reading how dumpers messed up and how karma is hitting them. i have been going to the gym and becoming more n more attractive. and i know my ex sees it. she trys to keep me hung on a string but really i have been seeing other girls( not having sex with all of them) because sex still kinda feels like cheating to me. i am now going to buy a home soon n get a second vehicle, im working towards goals n even though shes on my mind constantly , i take to other attractive woman to kinda feel the gap

 

id say go little contact, he texts you , text back in one word statements, but keep him in the loop to know how well your doing. i suggest getting anti depressents, just to prevent you from slipping and begging to him again. find some one , another man, good luck

[Mariposa10]

First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was with my boyfriend for as long as you were with yours. I went through my breakup alone too, only a couple of friends know about my breakup, but I don't talk about it. I couldn't talk about it, I would just start crying...Now I guess I can talk about it, but I don't really care anymore. This forum helped me a lot.

 

My advice is to stop talking to him. Yes, yes, you guys were together for a long time, so were my ex boyfriend and me. We talked every single day like three times a day. Whenever we had a little break, we would text, call each other. I was his best friend he was my best friend, etc. He also still kept calling me honey, sweetie, baby after we broke up, but I asked him to stop.

 

If you keep talking to him, you will not be able to move on and heal.

 

It'll probably take more hurting, to really understand how you two need some time apart (I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's true). You want to be friends? Ok, maybe in the future. I believe exes can be friends, not best friends, but friends. But before that happens you need to heal, you need to be in charge of your emotions and that's gonna take months. Talking to him right now, it will only remind you how you two are no longer together and will be super painful.

 

Cry and scream all you want right now. Please, accept the breakup, the sooner your accept it, the sooner the healing process will start. And when I say accept it, I mean stop contacting him to let you know what you'll be doing.

 

After being with my ex for so long, I feel like I lost myself in the relationship. I have recently started to re-discover myself and it has been fun. I know it's too much too ask...but try to see things from a positive perspective. Start making your own friends, enjoy your college years, have fun, life is short!!

 

Good luck, we're all here for you.

[Sammills]

I think the messed up part is that he broke up with me right be for my finals week, I asked him to give us another chance. I came home for 2 days (all i could before my tests started) he gave us a chance went back up to school he broke up with me agin over the phone. I thought we were back together so i told him i wanted to have sex but only if he wants to and only if there a feelings behind it, we did. While braking up with me over the phone he told me that he tried to have feelings for me but they were all gone, he said he only give us another shot because he hates seeing me this sad and cant stand seeing me cry, I asked him if he he knew we were going to brake up why would he lead me on, he said sex was a mistake. I dont know what to do the main reason we broke up is because he thought i did not love him anymore, i clearly still do i tried to explain im stressed from finals and showing affection was not really on my mind. He said that he has been thinking about breaking up for a while. NEWs to me! I am the main reason we are braking up. It sucks bc i want to show him how i really feel but he wont give me a chance he said he has made up his mind

[Mariposa10]

I think the messed up part is that he broke up with me right be for my finals week, I asked him to give us another chance. I came home for 2 days (all i could before my tests started) he gave us a chance went back up to school he broke up with me agin over the phone. I thought we were back together so i told him i wanted to have sex but only if he wants to and only if there a feelings behind it, we did. While braking up with me over the phone he told me that he tried to have feelings for me but they were all gone, he said he only give us another shot because he hates seeing me this sad and cant stand seeing me cry, I asked him if he he knew we were going to brake up why would he lead me on, he said sex was a mistake. I dont know what to do the main reason we broke up is because he thought i did not love him anymore, i clearly still do i tried to explain im stressed from finals and showing affection was not really on my mind. He said that he has been thinking about breaking up for a while. NEWs to me! I am the main reason we are braking up. It sucks bc i want to show him how i really feel but he wont give me a chance he said he has made up his mind

 

 

Please, re-read the last sentences and really accept it. Your ex like my ex had checked out out the relationship long ago. Your ex doesn't know what you'll go through for the next months, and to be honest it's not really his fault. Be happy he's being honest and he didn't wait to find someone else before breaking up with you just like my ex did.

 

Please think about the advice we've given you, we only want to reduce the pain you're going through right now.

[Qactus]

great post! you said exactly what we want here. Cheers keep helping others.

[Leigh 87]

I got a call from one of his friends that a girl asking me to go to the bar with her (she has no clue me and my bf are broken up) I am going to the bar with her but I called him to make sure thats ok. He said its totally fine and he understands that this is going to happen once and a while. Then he started telling me about his night last night and called me sweetie a few times but apologized each time he did it. He said that he still wants to stay friends. I want to stay friends too bc i dont want to loose everyone i know. Do you think by hanging out with him as just friends I can show him that were really good together. I am going to do this cautiously im not going to invest all my emotions in to this Im going to keep saying in the back of my mind, "He stopped loving you, he does not love you" If we get back together then great if we dont then I know i tried

 

 

 

 

hey, I am sending you hugs darling...

 

My ex ended almost 3 years relationship with me in May of this year.....

I was hysterical. I screamed at he top of my voice " don't leave me please please" and went spastic.....

 

I was absolutely hysterical. Just look at my thread on it; I was shaking and completely at a loss when I posted that thread.......

 

I was sick to my stomach. Now, months later, he has a young model gf nearly ten years younger than me...

 

And I don't care. I am over him

 

........Yet, at the time of the break up, it made me sick to think of him ever moving on.

Now I really couldn't care less about his new girlfriend and I have my own new boyfriend and I have had love interest since my ex.

 

It was the most pain I have ever been through. More pain then when my father would hit me. More pain than when I almost did from my self imposed starvation years ago......

 

I had no friends besides my ex.

 

It was... awful.....

 

 

...Now I am totally over it, for the most part:lmao: I still have a great affection towards him and I will always love him in a caring sort of a way, but I am no longer in love with him.

I am now happy with a new boyfriend who is a MUCH better match for me than my ex.

 

 

 

A few things:

 

DO NOT opt to hang out with him as "friends" in the hope he does a 180 and changes his mind about breaking up with you.

I TRIED THIS. DO NOT DO IT.

I repeat: absolutely DO NOT hang out with your ex in the hope he will see how good you are together.

Me and MY EX were VERY good together in ways! We laughed non stop and we had a GREAT relationship; except he was not in love with me and cheated on me:lmao:

The fact me and my ex were actually very good together, personality wise (both loved to travel, we loved hanging out every single day even after years together)

We even made each other laugh more than ANY other person in our lives has. He recently told me his new gf doesn't make him laugh as much as I made him laugh:lmao:

 

The thing is... they do not have an overwhelming sense of needing to be with us as a romantic partner anymore. They did not think we were the one.

My ex even went as far as to tell me that he wants to hang out with me as friends, to see if we can get back together one day. He TOLD ME he wanted to see what he future held for us.

Yet it never happened. I got bored waiting for him to suddenly realise how he "had to be with me again", and I just hooked up with another guy.

 

Nothing you do will make this magically go away. Keep in mind, he is like a drug to you; you get your desired high when you are around him, when he texts you, when he talks to you..... And you are low when he is not talking to you or being with you.

It just plain hurts and you need to deal with this; seeking him out and spending time with him is a false bandage. It won't heal your wounds. Only time will.