amtz Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Just as the title says today is the 3 week mark of NC with my abusive ex... I have taken things calm and steady, but deep inside I just feel broken down and lost! My relationship lasted to be exact 11 months and 3 weeks, before hitting the one year mark I literally pulled myself out of the relationship for good! I told myself that what ever pain I felt after the breakup had no comparison to the pain I felt being with her.. I had to walk on egg shells all the time to be with her. It seemed she had an atomic bomb willing to explode at any giving time. She was laughing, caring and loving at one time and hating and going off the next hour. I was always wrong in the relationship no matter how hard I tried to be with her or do things for her I WAS WRONG PERIOD! Ever since she saw a FB msg with a buddy of mine having a male talk she could never trust me again! Even though she "forgave me" she truely never did from the heart. It was all down hill from here on! She would breakup with me for any reason and go silent for days and ended up coming back as the victim. My dignity was put to the growned many of times and yet I miss her so much! We had a discussion once in regards of moving together, I explained to her that we needed to work on each other before moving together, I shouldn't of said that she whent crazy telling me that I didn't want responsibility and that I wasn't ready since I was still a mamas boy! (I'm turning 27 this thursdays by the way) It just didn't seem logical to move in with since our relationship was a complete wreck! I HAD to see her everyday after a 10 hour shift and an extra hour to and from work... If she got upset she wouldn't pick up her phone and go lost for days... She didn't get along with my mother or friends since they all did rude stuff to them... I wasn't good enough for her since I HADN'T grown up and was a complete mama's boy! I couldn't rest in peace or go home or do my erands since apperantly to her it was just an excuse so that I could go hunting and meet up with other girls.. After the final breakup she called and did all sort of crazy stuff like txt me pictures of her crying, emotional songs and last but not least txt where she claimed that she found out that I got back with a previous ex! I CAN'T GET IT UP FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I did not replay to her manipulative sinical txt's and I have not asked what's she up to... All I know she's in party mode and that I have to rebuilt myself even though this time of the year brings me so much memories! My birthday coming up this thursday, christmas, new years etc... At this moment I'm just living since I know there is more to life... NC is enforced at all time no more social media, phone, mails, gifts etc! I fee horrible, but then again it is expected to feel like this. I careless about waking up going to work and to be honest the weather does little to feel better! It's cold as hell and raining all day... Thanks for taking the time for reading since I feel near an emotional colapse! Any thoughts and kind words are more than welcomed!
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