FortunateSon Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 (edited) I have recently been contacted by my ex. We were together for almost 6 years and were engaged to be married the last 6 months of the relationship. We split up in early June, we had been in limited contact up until November, when I began no contact. She texted me out of the blue a "happy memory" text/pic, to which I replied and said it was nice to hear from her. The next day I foolishly asked if she would want to meet for dinner. She said she couldn't and said she was dating someone, which must have been a fairly recent thing. She said she wants to get closure and be at peace with everything. She also told me she shouldn't be in her current relationship because of past issues from our relationship. The next day she emailed me again and said she was open to meeting, and again said she want to make peace and find closure. I am confused by this? Is she reaching out to reconcile? I asked her why she is texting me about happy memories if she is dating someone new? I have been slowly, but surely moving on, so this unexpected communication has set me back a bit. We had broken up once before so I am very hesitant about the thought of even meeting her. I am not really sure, if anything, what to tell her? Edited December 7, 2013 by FortunateSon
BenC Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 My hunch is that she was thinking of you and the good times, and that she was a bit unsure with her new boyfriend and if she really wanted to let go of you and get with him. She was playing somewhat hard to get but immediately came back wanting to meet you for "closure," which I wouldn't be surprised if she just wants to see if there's anything there. I don't think she's necessarily expecting it, but I think she wants to see if she made the right decision or not. Ben 3
Author FortunateSon Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 Thank you for your reply, Ben. She seems to be very cautious about it. Unbeknownst to me, she said saw me and someone I had been casually dating at a restaurant about a month ago and it has made her feel uncomfortable. Apparently she is dating someone now. I told her that I thought it was kinda selfish to contact me and she agreed. Our break-up was messy and didn't leave a lot of room for reconciliation at the time. I would consider talking if it involved reconciliation, but I really am not interested in helping her move on...that should be her job, I have been doing it myself, on my own. Not sure what my next move is?
Author FortunateSon Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 What does it means when an ex(dumper) contacts me and say she wants to get closure and make peace with me? Our break-up was very messy, we had very LC for 5 months, then NC for a month after that until she contacted me? We were together almost 6 years. She said she "doesn't want to hate me anymore" and wants to "makes things right" because we ended on bad terms. Does she want to reconcile? I am confused by this, any input is appreciated.
Never Again Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 She wants to feel better and relieve her guilt over leaving things a mess. Unless she says it's about reconciling, it's not. 7
Author FortunateSon Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 I agree, I am healing on my own, so should she! In our recent exchange of messages where she broke contact, she had an angry reaction when I bluntly asked her what exactly she wanted from me and if she was considering reconciliation? I guess when she asked for closure, I thought she was hinting at reconciliation and "testing the waters" so to speak? I sounds like she is just being selfish? 1
Author FortunateSon Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 She mentioned she was open to meeting to get closure, but I think it is just a selfish angle for her to feel better? I said that if she is in fact dating someone now, like she claims, why did she contact me? I feel like it is some kind of silly power struggle as I blew her off the last time I communicated with her before going NC and that bothered her. 1
lil hoodlum Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 What does it means when an ex(dumper) contacts me and say she wants to get closure and make peace with me? Our break-up was very messy, we had very LC for 5 months, then NC for a month after that until she contacted me? We were together almost 6 years. She said she "doesn't want to hate me anymore" and wants to "makes things right" because we ended on bad terms. Does she want to reconcile? I am confused by this, any input is appreciated. Everything is about her choice isn't it? She chose to end things this way, she should deal and live with it. I agree with everyone else, she just wants to relieve her guilt and wants to make sure that you don't hate her. 2
AnyaNova Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) Trust me. Just say NO to closure!!!! Closure left me with the biggest confusion, questions, and Jedi mind $)$($*& of the century. Don't go there. Those who know my story can attest. Instead of leaving things nice and neat and he leaves cold and stony in July, a few tear-filled conversations, and 48 hours later after stuff exchange and last details no contact and healed a couple months later by the time the semester starts? Boom. Closure. The second week of the Semester. And it becomes clear that there is a huge part of him, most of him that doesn't really want to let me go. He was absolutely unmovable on the subject. We would not be seeing each other after that night, but the pain it caused him to send me away was horrific and made me feel like the worst abandoner in the world, when he was making me leave. No. Closure. Bad. It will hurt you and alleviate her guilt. Or it will hurt you and hurt her (if she has the kind of issues my ex did). I don't think there is any scenario where... Both parties leave feeling uplifted and ready to face the future! Edited December 10, 2013 by AnyaNova 1
Author FortunateSon Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 That's what I feel. In the last email, I told her how I felt and left it at that. I don't think it will give her closure, I told her I don't know how I can give her that. She became more and more angry the more we exchanged emails, I don't anticipate hearing from her again.
MrWhite Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 No need to contact her. If contacted again, just be positive. Say you have found peace and closure for yourself. She needs to just work it out and do the same. "All is good, no need to worry about it." Take the high road and keep it short. 1
Author FortunateSon Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off that she contacted me! It was selfish. I was moving forward fine, her contacting me and the exchange of messages that ensued has really set me back. I find myself questioning, hoping, and trying to make sense of everything. I have been dating a new person with a lot of potential and this whole episode has made me question everything. Just venting, I am really frustrated now!!! Edited December 10, 2013 by FortunateSon
BC1980 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 She is being very selfish by trying to use you to get closure for herself. I would completely ignore her until she gets the message. Any engaging with her will draw you back in.
Author FortunateSon Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 I appreciate your reply, BC. I think you are right, she is being selfish and controlling. She had a lot of issues with control and was obviously very controlling. I have not heard back from her after the last email I sent. I doubt it gave her closure, she seemed to be angry prior to it. I will not be responding if I hear from her again.
Author FortunateSon Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Just to update, after the last email I sent her, I have not heard back. I am not sure it gave her the closure she wanted, but I do know it has set me back. Until she contacted me, I was not looking to reconcile, but now the idea is in my head. Should I flat out ask if she wants to work things out? I feel like putting it all on the table just to give me peace of mind regardless if the answer? Any advice?
legion113 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Here's how I would end it heh. "You want closure? SLAM. That's the door being slammed in your face..consider it CLOSED!" Then I would write something like buhahahahahahaha just so she thinks your off your rocker and leaves you alone for good:-)
CrJsc88 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Had the same issue. Ex wanted to test waters, which I think is the worst thing to do. It's either your committed or not. Anyways, a month past by and nothing really changed. Waste of my time.brought back feelings that I just got over. Our break ended bad and now I have to let it be. 1
Recommended Posts